I wanna’ pork you like an animal

Like, maybe a pig.

Earlier this year pioneers of dock-worker rock, Journey, found a new lead singer (their 4th?) by scouring Journey cover bands and karaoke masters on the Youtubes. I’ve done some scientific testing (listening with headphones) and Arnel Pineda sounds more like Steve Perry than Steve Effing Perry (his actual middle name).

Just last week Boston announced they had hired a Home Depot employee to replace late lead singer Brad Delp after hearing his renditions of their songs on Myspace.

“Hi, this is one of the dudes from Boston. We heard your Myspace songs and we want you to sing in our band.”

“Real funny, Steve. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to stock these hex wrenches and 1/4 inch washers. Dick.”

I heard the guy and he does a passable karaoke Boston-style impression, but that’s about it. Sad, because Boston is in my top 5 classic rock bands of all time. Their message of finding happiness through rock and roll always inspired me. No joke.

So, who knows, maybe Josh can take over when Trent Reznor retires (i.e. is piece by piece carried back to the depths from whence he was spawned by one thousand blood-eyed crows).

I hope more bands turn to Youtube for their new singers. I want Tay Zonday to spread his chocolate rain on Velvet Revolver before they get a chance to do a fucking reality show, and the Numa Numa guy to sign on with… whatever group made the Numa Numa song in the first place.

Which Inter-video-tard and band would you pair up?

UPDATE:
Nevermind. Tay Zonday already replaced Rivers Cuomo in Weezer. The end is nigh. (via Bill)

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55 Comments

  1. awesome. i love nine inch nails. i downloaded the nin rock band songs when they came out, but i suck at the game. it's a lot easier playing the songs on a real guitar. i can only the imagine the number of people who downloaded that pack thinking they were going to be trent reznor for a few hours 🙂

  2. Maybe it's time to revive my dream of being America's #1 Meat Loaf impersonator. Does that count, since Meat is just a guy, and not a band? Can I tell him, "look, Meat, I saw you on American Idol and you've clearly gone completely batshit?"

    Mostly unrelated rant: back when NIN was somewhat relevant, I used to hear the comment a lot that "ooh, if Trent Reznor wasn't a musician he'd be a serial killer!" My entire ass. If he wasn't a musician he'd be playing D&D every night. And he wouldn't be a fun D&D player, no, he'd be the rule-lawyering, notebooks-full-of-supplemental-rules-from-Dragon-magazine, painstakingly-painted-lead-figures, let-me-tell-you-about-my-campaign type of D&D player.

    And Marilyn Manson would be one of the guys he DMs on friday nights, arguing every call Trent made, ensuring that the game would never really get going.

    Which kinda explains, if anyone cared, why I got out of D&D.

  3. Didn't you hear, Trent went all health nut so when the thousand blood eyed crows come for him he'll just blend them up into his protein shake and do another two hundred bicep curls.

  4. Dammit, Joel, I spat coffee at my computer when I read title of the comic. Note to self: Don't drink and read.

    Though I have a giga fuck-ton of respect for him/her as an artist and actually LIKE her, I would love to see Kelly be the new lead singer for either Heart, Bananarama or The Go-Gos.

  5. Boston has always been among my all-time faves as well, to the point that I conferred legitimacy upon the Walk On project that others spat on. Tom Scholz' attitude about technology (i.e. it's a mindless crutch unless it's something he invented) reminds me a lot of George Lucas' mentality, so it makes sense that Scholz would do something so cheesy as succeeding Delp with a karaoke slut. Tragic.

  6. I dont think Reznore claims to be anything more than a musician that makes broody music. He's a pretty down to earth guy. Manson, unfortunately, always tried to play it off like "This is the real me. Im really actually evil." Weak.

  7. I dunno. I watch a lot of Manson interviews, and despite his broody nature the guy is really intelligent. He can even be pretty funny when he's so inclined. I kind of wish he would actually make one of the movies he keeps planning on making, just so I could know if he's a skilled director. The real reason he sticks to the evil "act" so fervently is his horrible public image. Now that he's considered such a bad guy, he can't be taken seriously as anything else, even by himself.

  8. Somehow, that sounds like a bad thing.

    I can't believe you've never heard of her. She's a certified YouTube celebrity. Why, she even appeared in the latest Weezer video.

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