I wanna’ pork you like an animal

Like, maybe a pig.

Earlier this year pioneers of dock-worker rock, Journey, found a new lead singer (their 4th?) by scouring Journey cover bands and karaoke masters on the Youtubes. I’ve done some scientific testing (listening with headphones) and Arnel Pineda sounds more like Steve Perry than Steve Effing Perry (his actual middle name).

Just last week Boston announced they had hired a Home Depot employee to replace late lead singer Brad Delp after hearing his renditions of their songs on Myspace.

“Hi, this is one of the dudes from Boston. We heard your Myspace songs and we want you to sing in our band.”

“Real funny, Steve. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to stock these hex wrenches and 1/4 inch washers. Dick.”

I heard the guy and he does a passable karaoke Boston-style impression, but that’s about it. Sad, because Boston is in my top 5 classic rock bands of all time. Their message of finding happiness through rock and roll always inspired me. No joke.

So, who knows, maybe Josh can take over when Trent Reznor retires (i.e. is piece by piece carried back to the depths from whence he was spawned by one thousand blood-eyed crows).

I hope more bands turn to Youtube for their new singers. I want Tay Zonday to spread his chocolate rain on Velvet Revolver before they get a chance to do a fucking reality show, and the Numa Numa guy to sign on with… whatever group made the Numa Numa song in the first place.

Which Inter-video-tard and band would you pair up?

Nevermind. Tay Zonday already replaced Rivers Cuomo in Weezer. The end is nigh. (via Bill)

Reasons I Love Teh Internets: Vol 1

It is a well documented fact that I love the Internet. You may counter, “Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” Two reasons: A) I’m already married, and 2) judging from its proclivity towards pornography one can assume that the Internet is a dude. Not that I wouldn’t marry the Internet if it were a dude. It’s just that it would be illegal in Texas, and I’m not in the mood for a road trip to Massachusetts. Sidenote: “Homophobia” beat out “Racism” and “Fear” as the official “State Feeling of Texas” this year. “Blinding Rage” was a close second.

The point of this comic was simply to point out a few things that make the Intertron a special place for me. I generally gets my LOL Feline fix from I Can Has Cheezeburger. If you aren’t hip to the Cheeze then you need to stop reading this drivel and hop to it. I’m not kidding, you guys. They have pictures of cats with things on them that the cats DO NOT WANT to be on them. It’s hilarious. Hats, furniture, other cats. You name it, they will put it on a cat and take a picture.

What can I say about Tay Zonday. Tay Zonday, some stay dry and others feel the pain. Tay Zonday, a baby born will die before the sin. Tay Zonday, made me cross the street the other day. Tay Zonday, Josh once accused him of inward singing.

Wikipedia is a treasure like none other. Sometimes I want to know things. Some guy already knew those things and wrote about them in Wikipedia. Those things often have to do with Hobbits and Transformers.

(Yes, that’s Utah Raptor from Dinosaur Comics that General Eli is riding. Good eye!)

Finally, Myspace. Myspace is a fucking piece of shit. It is, by far, the worst thing I have ever used for any reason, in any capacity or circumstance. The UI is non-existent and the features are the opposite of features. To call them “features” would be like calling weeping sores a “feature” of herpes. Check out my Myspace!

The “Vol. 1” in the title eludes to some possibility of a follow up. What Internets should I tackle next?

Bonus: You can download a hi-res version of the Wikipedia panel here.