2013-01-17-lo-fijinks-the-dopest

The Dopest

2013-01-17-lo-fijinks-the-dopest

If you missed the lastest HijiNKS ENSUE comic “White Light, White Heat, White Guilt,” then… don’t. Don’t have missed it.

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: All 100 “Bridge Collapse prints are sold! Woohoo! They arrive at my house this weekend (a week later than I anticipated) and will start shipping Monday the 20th.

I made a new eBook/iBook! It’s called “Sorry I Ruined Your Book Vol. 1”! which is available to anyone for a one time “pay what you like” donation.

I had a reader tell me via twitter he was unaware that I had a store where I sold T-shirts and books and such. WELL I CERTAINLY DO.

I’m pretty sure I’ve accurately described blood doping in the panels above. You take out your blood, put stuff in it, then reput the blood back in your carcass, thus infusing said YOU with the new stuff. I can only assume this method arrose out of an athletes desire for somewhat plausible deniability. “I never took performance enhancing drugs. I just had all my blood removed, went and ran a few errands and when I came back and put my blood back in there was all these drugs in it. What am I supposed to do? Take my blood out AGAIN and run it through a Brita filter? Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the Olympic Committee, I beseech thee… believe this crazy lie so I can keep doing on these drugs because THEY MAKE ME FEEL INVINCIBLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!! [headbutts the witness stand in half, leaps through the ceiling, runs into then across the ocean, is eaten by a whale]

My point is, if Lance Armstrong if guilty of anything it’s being a stone cold sports-Dracula. Like any other highly competitive sports-Dracula, he only eats blood and sometimes you get tired of the same old hemoglobin and you gots to add some taste enhancing seasoning. Also he’s guilty of perjury and all the other regular drugs he took too. What a creep.

COMMENTERS: In a bleak and dismal hypertechno future, the only way we get nourishment is by removing all of our blood, dumping it full of whatever and pumping it back into… let’s say our eyes. You get the idea. What’s your additive of choice? Red Bull? Bourbon? Sriracha? Lik-M-Aid powder?

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My Hands Felt Just Like Two Balloons

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I’ve been sick for the last few days. This particular recurring, seasonal illness bares such a resemblance to both A) A REALLY bad allergy attack and B) actual viral illness that I never really know what I have. Luckily the treatment for both is the same. Lots of sleep, fluids, procrastination of work-related responsibilities, complaining and Seinfeld reruns. So that’s how I’ve been spending my time. Oh, and I also made you:

A NEW EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST!!!
Episode 88 – Wizardo And The Hot Dog Guy. Listen to the ep, then check out Alex’s fancy Photoshoppery which deftly illustrate one of our bits.

To get into more about exactly how miserable I am, I would like to explain how unbearably shitty I feel. Sometimes (often in fact) my cat, Replay, will eat his dry food so fast that he almost immediately throws it up on the carpet. Never one to let a hot meal (how NOW, anyway) go to waste he usually gobbles down nearly all of the pre-eaten partially digested mess then goes about his marry way. These 12 hours naps aren’t going to take themselves, you know. I say he re-eats NEARLY all of the food, because he usually leaves somewhere between 10 and 15 nuggets of food to resolidify on the floor and become one with the carpet’s collective hive mind. I feel like THAT food. I feel like I have been eaten, thrown up, left to stew in my own juices and a healthy portion of feline bile for a few minutes, then nibbled at and pushed around with a coarse cat tongue for a few minutes, only to be ultimately judged unworthy of a second eating and left to crack and dry on the unforgiving carpet never to fulfill my purpose. The rejection at the end it what really seals the deal in determining which is worse: The twice eaten food, or the once eaten, once vomited, eternally rejected food.

In the next comic I think I’ll get into how much of a mistake it was to take a handful of allergy meds AND cold meds at the same time, hoping they would just figure it out for themselves. Listen to the podcast linked above to hear what I sound like while trying to forge coherent thoughts under their influences. This will be a short storyline. 3 or 4 comics at most.

COMMENTERS: What’s the worst thing you ever had to do while sick? Or rather, what’s the thing that you did that you REALLY should have stayed home from due to illness?

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From The Makers Of Abilomaxocilizor

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1000’s of words you’ve never read! Dozens of images you’ve never seen! Embarrassing crap I drew in highschool! BUY MY BOOKS!

BUY HIJINKS ENSUE BOOKS IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE SHOP!

Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics undulate ever floorward in a sort of heap! Which is to say it is 3:48am on the morning that I get on a plane to get on a boat to stay on a boat for a week with a bunch of my friends. Maybe I should sleep. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR GOD DAMN MO… yeah, I should sleep.

Still I could not resist turning some of my late night TV viewing Tweets into one last LoFi comic for you before I left for vacation. The particular commercial that sparked my Tweeting tirade was for a stop smoking drug (I dare not name it for fear of spammers), that might cure your addiction to cigarettes and also might make you KILL YOURSELF. I also once saw an ad for a migraine medication where one of the side effects was headaches. So, yeah… there’s that.

Guest comic week starts on Monday and boy are there some doozies waiting for you. SPOILERS: One of them is probably about boners.

COMMENTERS: Based on the comic above, please come up with your own drugs and their various side effects which are always worse than the thing they are supposed to be treating.

FLORIDA FANCY BASTARDS: If you are headed down to MegaCon in Orlando this weekend, please stop by booth 331 and see my Blind Ferret cohorts. They will have a selection of some of my most popular shirts at the booth including “The Doctor Is In,” “George” and “Winter Is Coming.” Supporting them supports me, so I highly encourage it.

Megacon 2012

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