2015-09-24-sharksplode-not-enough-pizzaz

Not Enough Pizzaz

2015-09-24-sharksplode-not-enough-pizzaz

My Patrons got EIGHT TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF YESTERDAY’S COMIC with totally different jokes!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

sharksplode-patreon-banner-180

For the past few years, all of Domino’s “PIZZA’s*” advertising has centered around them apologizing for what they do and how they do it. First they had a commercial apologizing for how their sauce tasted, and how their crust was like a day old bagel ate a shoebox. Then they had an entire ad campaign about how terrible they are at answering the phone, and how you should just order through their app if you actually wanted to get a pizza between now and the heat death of the The Universe. So they spent millions of dollars to tell the world they they make bad food, but they want to try to make better food, and they suck at answering the phone, so you should probably just stop calling.

It all feels like a trick designed to make the consumer feel sorry for them. Somehow it plays into their master scheme of dropping the word “pizza” from their title altogether. Perhaps their hope is in 50 years people won’t even remember that “Domino’s Hot Wingz, Turkey Wrapz, Diet Pepzizzz and Toazter Ztrudels” used to actually sell pizza. Yeah, they’re rewriting their own narrative! Maybe they’ll start systematically assassinating (sorry, PIZZAssinating) anyone who remembers ordering a pizza from them. There are worse reasons for mass genocide, I suppose. What tole will these Pizza Wars take? Will the streets run red with the sauce of non-believers? Will I be unable to defend my life and the lives of my family because my hands are all gross and slippery from the half pound of garlic leavings they dredge every slice of pizza in? Jesus, what is up with that crust? It’s like when a kid fucks up an art project so they just cover the whole thing with glitter, hoping no one will look at it too closely. Anway, take up arms against those who would be your toppings and Vive La PIZZistance! 

comic-2012-02-18-lo-fijinks-from-the-makers-of-abilomaxocilizor.jpg

From The Makers Of Abilomaxocilizor

comic-2012-02-18-lo-fijinks-from-the-makers-of-abilomaxocilizor.jpg

1000’s of words you’ve never read! Dozens of images you’ve never seen! Embarrassing crap I drew in highschool! BUY MY BOOKS!

BUY HIJINKS ENSUE BOOKS IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE SHOP!

Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics undulate ever floorward in a sort of heap! Which is to say it is 3:48am on the morning that I get on a plane to get on a boat to stay on a boat for a week with a bunch of my friends. Maybe I should sleep. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR GOD DAMN MO… yeah, I should sleep.

Still I could not resist turning some of my late night TV viewing Tweets into one last LoFi comic for you before I left for vacation. The particular commercial that sparked my Tweeting tirade was for a stop smoking drug (I dare not name it for fear of spammers), that might cure your addiction to cigarettes and also might make you KILL YOURSELF. I also once saw an ad for a migraine medication where one of the side effects was headaches. So, yeah… there’s that.

Guest comic week starts on Monday and boy are there some doozies waiting for you. SPOILERS: One of them is probably about boners.

COMMENTERS: Based on the comic above, please come up with your own drugs and their various side effects which are always worse than the thing they are supposed to be treating.

FLORIDA FANCY BASTARDS: If you are headed down to MegaCon in Orlando this weekend, please stop by booth 331 and see my Blind Ferret cohorts. They will have a selection of some of my most popular shirts at the booth including “The Doctor Is In,” “George” and “Winter Is Coming.” Supporting them supports me, so I highly encourage it.

Megacon 2012

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

comic-2010-02-26-the-most-mal-of-wares.jpg

The Most Mal Of Wares

comic-2010-02-26-the-most-mal-of-wares.jpg

2 Upcoming Appearances!!!
Staple!
March 6 @ The Monarch Event Center in Austin, TX
MORE INFO

Emerald City Comic-Con
March 13-14 @ The Washington State Convention Center in Seattle, WA
MORE INFO

What’s wrong with telling the suspicious link clicking, password giving, attachment downloading, bad-computing masses that a website can fix their slow computer? Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but one would assume the only way an external site could scan your files and your registry would be to give that site root access to your machine. So are they are offering malicious spyware to remove spyware?

comic-2008-09-22-microsoft-vista-im-a-pc.jpg

It’s All In The Editing

comic-2008-09-22-microsoft-vista-im-a-pc.jpg

While the new Microsoft ads make more sense than the Bill and Jerry” ads, in that they do appear to be advertising something other than confusion, I don’t see how they are supposed to be selling me on Vista. The campaign is a clear rebuttal to Apple’s “Macs are cool slackers and PC’s are John Hodgman” adverts, but they seem to be off target. Yes, most people in the world use PC hardware (technically so do I). There is no questions about that. After Service Pack 2 was released, most of those PC users were pretty content with Windows XP, and thus pretty content with their over all computing experience. “I’m a (proud) PC doesn’t even address the operating system, which I assume is Vista. I know they aren’t spending 300 million to convince me to stick with XP.

I understand that Microsoft are in “repare the brand” mode and I don’t fault them for that. Apple are certainly playing dirty, and have dealt a pretty significant blow to how the general public perceives PC’s. The thing I don’t understand about the concept of “I’m a PC” is that Microsoft doesn’t control the “PC experience.” They make an operating system and suite of software that runs on PC architecture, and they certainly popularized the format in the 80’s but they don’t have final control over how a user intereacts with their PC.

What I’m getting at is if you are comparing Microsoft to Apple you are comparing a software company with a lifestyle company. Apple makes the only Mac hardware, they make the OS, they license the peripherals and keep close tabs on the software developed for their platform. Microsoft could never hope to acquire that control over the end user experience. How many non-tech people do you know that think “my computer sucks” because their email is slow? Or maybe they think they need a new computer because it’s always crashing, when all they need is new RAM. I’ve seen dozens of acquaintances and family members throw out their old machines because they loaded it down with so much spyware that it became unusable. THIS is their user experience and MS really doesn’t have anything to do with any of that.

I’m not saying Microsoft aren’t as good as Apple. I’m saying they probably shouldn’t even be compared other than in the areas in which they directly compete (operating systems).

Regardless, does anyone find it strange that Cordelia Chase [apparantly it’s Eva Longoria] is in those Microsoft ads (or that they were made on a Mac)?