Chapters: HijiNKS ENSUE Classic

Hell Is Other People In Elevators

Alternate Title: Enter The Hellevator

I have a new website! Read about it HERE!

Sheesh! Mondays! Right? Who’s with me? They are just the worst. This comic was born of my absolute and all encompassing hatred of elevator/parking lot/lunch line small talk. I think the main reason I stopped having a real job was to avoid small talk at all costs. I didn’t watch the game, I don’t T.G.I.F., and I’d rather not discuss the unbearable and oppressive Texas heat since there isn’t a god damn thing we can do about it except die. Actually, that’s what I’m saying to the other guy in the elevator with my eyes. My mouth is making a sort of “meph” sound.

If you go see M. Knight Shyamalan’s Devil, please email me with the spoiler/twist/reveal/whatever. [UPDATE: I already got the goods and DAMN is that a shittyamalon twist!] I only want to know so I can rank it on my Shyamalan Scale of Twistappointment. My early guess is the elevator is Satan’s esophagus and he’s just swallowing them for 2 hours.

Satan’s Esophagus is my Slayer cover band.

With Great Power Ballads…

You might be saying, “But I’ve never seen the hit practical joke show Prizzanked on the BROtv network.” And you would be right to say that. Prizzanked actually airs on UPN, which stopped being on the TV some years ago. That’s part of why it’s such a good prank.

I honestly believed the Spider-Man musical, Spider-Man: Change The Light Bulb In The Laundry Room Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark would never actually see the light of day. A series of financial setbacks coupled with the fact that (until now) the universe seemed to be governed by reason left me with the impression that such terrible nonsense would not make it to fruition. Hell, THIS VERY COMIC was founded on the idea that an emo Spider-Man was a mockery of the web-slinger. Now there is video evidence that such a bebangfaced, warbling wall-crawler does in fact star in a very real musical stage play that will be put on for actual human beings to… enjoy?

I guess the possibility still exists that on opening night the crowd will take their seats, the lights will dim, the curtain will rise and some jackhole in a trucker hat will run out and individually punch every person in the theater square in the balls.

Just for fun, here are a few more jabs from the host of Prizzanked to Bono:
“Uno! Dos! Tres! Fourteen! PRIZZANKED!”
“She want lemon? SHE WANT PRIZZANKED!”
“Where the streets have no name, except for that one street PRIZZANKED AVENUE!”
And finally, “Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, PRIZZANK ME! Chump.”

Comment Challenge: Rename Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark
[Inspired by FB JustChristine who came up with Spiderman: Turn Around Bright Eyes]

Machete Don’t Text

Jon Rogers (co-creator of Leverage) tweeted it best:

We may someday surpass MACHETE in American film. I cannot see that happening during my lifetime.

The title of this comic comes from my favorite (or possibly second favorite) line in Machete. There’s not much more I can say without giving away the best parts of the film (oh god, the hospital escape scene…). I had the very good fortune of being able to see Machete (pronounced Muh-CHe-Tay by every hot girl in the movie) at the drive in theatre in Ennis, TX. It sort of completed the illusion that I was actually seeing a 70’s pulp, low budget action movie, instead of a 2010’s pulp, low budget, action movie.

If you are a fan of plot not getting in the way, explosions, Danny Trejo and ever-escalating-in-severity-and-ridiculousness violent murders (with just a bit of boobs and sex) I STRONGLY suggest you see this movie while it is still in theaters.

I was surprised that Machete actually had a message other than, “Hi, I’m Machete. Now I’m going to machete your face off.” It took a pretty firm stance on the issues of illegal aliens in America, border patrols and southern politics. I won’t say which side of those issues director Robert Rodriguez was supporting, but the most insightful of you should be able to glean it from the subtext (THERE IS NO SUBTEXT AT ALL!!! KILL WHITEY! KILLLLL WHITEY!)

And I have to applaud Rodriguez for the superb casting choice of Lindsay Lohan as the spoiled, rich, drug addict whore. I’m pretty sure she didn’t know she was in a movie.

Also, check out this interview I did at Dallas Animefest with Wide Range Appeal!

I have an opportunity to make some different types of merch available to you this holiday season. Would you be interested in HE mugs? If so what would you like to see on them? I am probably doing xmas card packs as well. “snowflake on the wind” is a sure bet. Anything else?

Another thing: Help me out by signing up for a FREE DROPBOX ACCOUNT. This will give me more space to store my prints online so my printer can have instant access to them.

Wheaton Comic Dare: Who’s On Middle Earth?

CHECK OUT MY GUEST COMIC OVER AT SOMETHING*POSTITIVE!!!
And Dumbing Of Age by my friend David Willis starts TODAY!

Occasionally Wil Wheaton will dare me to turn a random Tweet into a full fledged comic. Not one to back down from a challenge (nobody… calls me chicken), I have once again obliged.

A little context from the man himself:

Aeofel Elhromanë, [is] the Eladrin Avenger I played for the most recent Penny Arcade D&D podcast. [link to post]

In describing his character, Wil said:

Aeofel is an Isolating Avenger. He is, in normal language, a zealot. Where a Paladin brings comfort to the afflicted, the Avenger brings great vengeance and furious anger to those who caused the affliction.

And in a particular bout of furious anger he fell into a pit of acid and died forever. Wil’s followers have made “Aeofel Lives!“ one of their many battle cries (along with “Don’t Be A Dick” and “I feel strange but also good”). One intrepid PAX goer went as far as to make an “Aeofel Lives” t-shirt. In response I Tweeted (or Twat) THIS at which point Wheaton threw down the gauntlet.

This was one of those comics that I just had to get out of my system before the idea overtook all of my higher brain functions. So if you find it overly specific or unenjoyable, please understand that me having inside jokes with Wil Wheaton is basically the reason I started this comic and just indulge me. There will be a new comic about a movie or something (probably Machete) on Monday.

His Abs Are Over 9000

This comic is the result of a conversation I had with David Willis during Dallas Animefest. After seeing a veritable “sea of abs” in the anime artwork displayed around us, we decided that this should be the basis of an entire anime universe.

Feel free to use the comments to expand on the narrative above with characters, back stories and other anime tropes that might fit nicely into our new, glistening abdomiverse.

NEWS!

  • HE Book 2 Preorders will begin soon! There will be another Ultimate Fancy Pack that is even more ultimate and fancier than before. Remember that the preorders are what determines of the book ACTUALLY GETS MADE OR NOT, so please consider being one of the early orderers… orderees? Watch this space for details.
  • New Products for the Holidays! I am working on offering some new things this year including greeting cards. If you have something from HE that you would like to see in a greeting card, now is the time to speak up. I am also in the process of moving my comic prints over to Topatoco, which means comic prints will be available with shirts and books and they will be larger. I’ve always thought the comics looks best when they are full resolution (about 14″ wide) and you guys never really get to see them like that. Now you will!