Yo, DIY! Let’s Kick It!

“Word To Your Subcontractor.”

When I watched The Vanilla Ice Project (which, as far as I can tell, is a real thing and NOT a practical joke being played on Robert Van Winkle, me or the public as a whole) I never got a clear impression if Mr. Van Winkle (“Vanilla” if you’re nasty) was somehow in charge of the renovation crew or if he was just one of the dudes making $8.25/hr to hang drywall. I really want to contact the producers of the show, though because some of the crown molding and wainscoting they used seemed eerily similar to the crown molding and wainscoting that Freddy Mercury had installed in David Bowie‘s house 20 years ago and I don’t think they were given proper credit.

PODCAST NEWS!!!
The HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST IS BACK, but I need your help to keep it alive. The goal is to get 300 monthly donation subscribers by the end of the year. Read more HERE if you enjoy the Podcast and want to help.

DALLAS AREA FB’s!!!
I will be at Star Trek Fan Days in Plano, TX this weekend (10/23-10/24). Riker, Data, Worf, Doc Brown, Draco Mallfoy, Chewbacca and Captain James T. Motherfuckin’ Kirk are going to be there too!

EWOK STARE SHIRTS [based on THIS comic] are IN THE STORE!

[More info about the shirt HERE]

If you have ever owned a “fixer upper/money pit” as I have, then you know there is a secret language you can speak with others who occupy the same circle of DIY hell. It’s a sort of shorthand where entire sentences are replaced with words like “wet saw,” “sawzall” and “keyhole saw.” It’s mostly about different kinds of saws. Oh, and drills. A lot of the time it’s about drills.

There is also an unspoken component to the communication, not unlike that of 2 people who have served in the same grizzly war. You look into each others dark, mournful eyes as you pass each other in the isles of The Home Depot and know that you have seen the same atrocities, lost the same friends, and each tried renting a stump grinder that one time but it was really more than a regular person can handle. I mean, it’s nearly impossible to start by yourself… you at least need someone else to stabilize it and once it’s going there’s basically no way to control it. More than anything, you each know the limits of what caulk can do and how far a man who has nothing else to lose will go to push those limits beyond all reasonable boundaries.

COMMENTERS: Give me your alternate home improvement related “Ice Ice Baby” lyrics.

The Doctor Is Win

Alternate Title: “Horrible Fears A Who”

This comic started as a commission for a reader named Justin who I met at Dallas Animefest 2010. His idea was for a “Doctor vs. Doctor” duel with The Good Doctor triumphing over the horrible doctor. I finished the commission [which you can see HERE] and decided to take just the inks from that piece and rework it into a full color comic-type situation. I really had fun making this one and I hope you enjoy it. If so, thank Fancy Bastard Justin for the idea and the title. I also want to mention that I used a photo called “Dark Alleyway” from James Wong on Deviant Art as the basis for the background.

If you would like a print of this comic to hang on your wall or cube or shark tank or whatever, click the “Buy A Print” button beneath the image.

EWOK STARE SHIRTS [based on THIS comic] are IN THE STORE!

More info about the shirt HERE.

COMMENTERS: Given the match up presented above, who would win (no pun intended) and why?

Want to support HijiNKS ENSUE? DONATIONS are great way to do just that! This month has been pretty lean from a financial perspective so if you are able to contribute, please know that I greatly appreciate your generosity and support.

It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane, It’s An Incredibly Handsome Plane

Whatever crime Josh was being accused of, I’m certain that my testimony only served to strengthen his case. I obviously proved myself a credible witness of sound mind and sound theories about who should play the next Superman [hint: It’s Jon Hamm].

Oh yeah. A little poison space potato told me THE FREAKIN’ EWOK STARE SHIRTS [based on THIS comic] are IN THE STORE!

More info about the shirt HERE.

Speaking of shirts, the shirt I mentioned in the comic is one I designed for the Sklarbro Country Podcast and yes, Jon Hamm did actually get caught wearing one by the paparazzi. Yep. Boner times all around. If you are a sports and comedy fan I would give SBC a listen. Hell, I don’t even understand sportsballing and I really enjoy it.

Speaking of Podcasts I enjoy and Jon Hamm and Superman and whether or not Hamm is interested in being Superhamm, all of those things are addressed in THIS EPISODE of Never Not Funny with Jimmy Pardo feating Jon “Kal Hamm El” Hamm.

Children Of A Lesser Marty

The 25th Anniversary Blu Ray of Back To The Future is actually going to have the long fabled scenes of Eric Stoltz as Marty. It’s hard to believe they filmed for 5 weeks, then started over at it was still such great movie. There’s probably at least half a Michael J. Fox-free version of BTTF out there. A decidedly less “heavy” version.

C. Thomas Howell was also up for the role of Marty “I swear I’m not Oedipus, but damn my mom is pretty hot and she seems like she’s good to go” McFly. As a kid he was in E.T. and Red Dawn, but nowadays he’s in those straight to DVD “soundalike” movies like The DaVinci Treasure and The Day The Earth Stopped. Stopped, not “stood still” or “took a break” Straight up stopped. That’s way worse.

Another curious bit of Back To The Future recasting: Melora Hardin (Jan from The Office) was the original Jennifer, but was replaced by Claudia Wells who was in turn replaced by Elisabeth Shue in the sequels. Not to mention the whole Crispin Glover/Jeffrey Weissman thing. Anyway, in my research for this comic (READ: random Googling) I discovered that Melora Hardin has been releasing albums under the monicker “Melora” (like Prince, or Cher or Wolverine). I think she is a very funny and talented actress and technically she does sing with some proficiency, but… [buh] just look it up for yourself. It’s all just really terrible. Offensive is a more accurate descriptor. Generic adult contemporary to the utmost degree. After listening to a few songs, reading some lyrics and watching a couple of videos (I was trying to give her e fair chance) I was just embarrassed for us both.

In happier news, I’m reaching out to C. Thomas Howell’s people about a few movie projects I would like to get off the ground that I think he would be perfect for. Parxors WALL-F, Watch! Men!, Slumdog Price Is Right, The Unusual Situation Of Thaddeus Thimble and Precocious: Based on “Precious,” Based on The Novel “Push” by Saphire.

COMMENTERS: Give me your best C.T.H. starring vehicle.

A Special Request
If you enjoy HijiNKS ENSUE please consider supporting its continued existence by making a donation or starting a donation subscription. This month has been super rough and I’m a little freaked out by the financial uncertainty that I am currently faced with. As a thank you, you will get access to The HE Vault, where you can download desktops, mobile/iPhone wallpapers, see behind the scenes art, view rough draft comics and listen to bonus podcasts.

Thanks!

~Joel

The Biggest Little Medium

Much like Matt Damon‘s character in Clint Eastwood’s Hereafter, Josh is apparently able to commune with the dead. I don’t know if that’s just a thing the gays can do that they aren’t telling everyone else about, or if he was cursed with “the sight” while downloading bit torrents of the complete series of Mamma’s Family during a lighting storm. Either way he is a witch and will be burned for revealing hurtful truths about my dear, sweet Geemaw.

Hereafter: Clint Eastwood Goes Supernatural

A Special Request

If you enjoy HijiNKS ENSUE please consider supporting its continued existence by making a donation or starting a donation subscription. This month has been super rough and I’m a little freaked out by the financial uncertainty that I am currently faced with. As a thank you, you will get access to The HE Vault, where you can download desktops, mobile/iPhone wallpapers, see behind the scenes art, view rough draft comics and listen to bonus podcasts.

Thanks!

~Joel

COMMENTERS: I know this comic doesn’t really have anything to do with Hereafter so, unless you want to talk about the film, let’s just make up other ways that Josh could have gotten psychic powers. Maybe he was trying to cram a Game Genie into a Virtual Boy just as he accidentally put Pop Tarts in the microwave with the foil still on. What are the extents/special circumstance of his powers? Do they only work during reruns of Ugly Betty or Project Runway marathons?