Children Of A Lesser Marty

The 25th Anniversary Blu Ray of Back To The Future is actually going to have the long fabled scenes of Eric Stoltz as Marty. It’s hard to believe they filmed for 5 weeks, then started over at it was still such great movie. There’s probably at least half a Michael J. Fox-free version of BTTF out there. A decidedly less “heavy” version.

C. Thomas Howell was also up for the role of Marty “I swear I’m not Oedipus, but damn my mom is pretty hot and she seems like she’s good to go” McFly. As a kid he was in E.T. and Red Dawn, but nowadays he’s in those straight to DVD “soundalike” movies like The DaVinci Treasure and The Day The Earth Stopped. Stopped, not “stood still” or “took a break” Straight up stopped. That’s way worse.

Another curious bit of Back To The Future recasting: Melora Hardin (Jan from The Office) was the original Jennifer, but was replaced by Claudia Wells who was in turn replaced by Elisabeth Shue in the sequels. Not to mention the whole Crispin Glover/Jeffrey Weissman thing. Anyway, in my research for this comic (READ: random Googling) I discovered that Melora Hardin has been releasing albums under the monicker “Melora” (like Prince, or Cher or Wolverine). I think she is a very funny and talented actress and technically she does sing with some proficiency, but… [buh] just look it up for yourself. It’s all just really terrible. Offensive is a more accurate descriptor. Generic adult contemporary to the utmost degree. After listening to a few songs, reading some lyrics and watching a couple of videos (I was trying to give her e fair chance) I was just embarrassed for us both.

In happier news, I’m reaching out to C. Thomas Howell’s people about a few movie projects I would like to get off the ground that I think he would be perfect for. Parxors WALL-F, Watch! Men!, Slumdog Price Is Right, The Unusual Situation Of Thaddeus Thimble and Precocious: Based on “Precious,” Based on The Novel “Push” by Saphire.

COMMENTERS: Give me your best C.T.H. starring vehicle.

A Special Request
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  1. I know this isn't the type of vehicle you were going for, but I always liked "The Outsiders." That's a veritable mine of 80s actors: CTH, Ralph Macchio, Emilio Estevez, Patrick Swayze, Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe, and Tom Cruise.

    How about "The Friend Group," "Scarlet," "Secretary," "The City," "Stock Exchange: Finances Are Always Awake." That's all I could get from the Yahoo Movies homepage.

  2. How about an American remake of Welcome to the NHK as "Welcome to the NBC" where Jerry Seinfeld is cast as a shut in who keeps watching old sitcom reruns to the point where he discovers that NBC stands for National Boob-Tube Conspiracy and decided to revolt against his shut in lifestyle. He also befriends a young woman who is just as messed up as he is, only she's a Twilight fangirl and believes the only way for her to gain confidence is to look down on a man who is allegedly (this is debatable) more pathetic than she is, when in reality he probably is more pathetic than her because at least she knows Edward ain't real. He on the other hand thought The Fresh Prince of Bel Air was a documentary. Black comedy hilarity ensues!

  3. The possibilites for CTH movies are endless…too bad someone else already made Transmorphers, and the "hit" sequel/prequel (sprequel?) Transmorphers: Fall of Man. Its like someone decided to make a GO-BOTS live action movie.

  4. I can't stop laughing at this one. I keep coming back, wondering if reading it anew will be less of a laughter experience. It is not. The same bat tits intensity level of laughter hits me every time. Hijinks Ensue – now with more laughs than you can fit into any one panel.

  5. Ruler of the Ring: The Two Skyscrapers
    History Channel crossover– So I Married an Ax Man
    Thursday the 12th
    Throw Mama from the Snakes on a Train
    The Good, The Bad, and the Homely Looking
    8 Heads in a Backpack

  6. "The Phantom of the Community Theatre", "The Two-Year College Friend-Site", "Ani-Mauls 2: Face Tearing Platypoids", "I Know About Your Previous Hijinks Last Autumn", "Shenanigans: Balls To The Wall", "Snakalapods: Night Of The Eight- Legged Cobra", "Where In The World Is Carmen Electra?", "Buick To The Future: The Fight To Save GM… Again!… In The Future!", "Manly-Man And The Dukes Of The Galaxy", "Radioactive Carnivoranoctupods: Mutant T-Rexs… FROM THE FUTURE!" "Star Skirmishes", "Battlestar Ford Galaxy; The Fleet Searches For Nevada", ok kids thats all I've got

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