Josh Smash!

I’ve spent the last 3 days or so working non stop on “The Vault of Secret Awesome.” At one point today I said, “wait… I actually have to make the comics or there won’t be any comics.” Let me tell you, this job would be easy if it weren’t for all the comics. I could just sit back and collect delicious internet monies. So delicious.

This comic is as close as I can get to talking about “The Incredible Hulk” since I haven’t seen it yet. Granted, that has never stopped me before, but I actually plan to see this one. Eli says it’s pretty good. Regarding Josh’s pigmentation, I suppose the hyper-gravy-ation turns the skin green. Why not?

In real life Josh has an “in” with a Popeye’s chicken employee that owe’s him a life debt. Much like Angel and his butcher friend, Josh sneaks in the back of the restaurant and Hector loads him up with life giving gravy… and probably some pig’s blood too.

My comment challenge to you: what else might one order off the menu at “Cluck-U-Chicken“?

Economically Stimulated

“Hey, America! Shut your gaping pie holes and take this ca$h! Go buy a Blu-Ray player or some other worthless shit! Don’t stop to ask WHY the economy’s in the toilet, just consume! Go buy $600 worth of donut holes, or Cherry Pop Tarts, or Moon Pies or whatever you miserable fat fuckers eat! Burn it! I don’t care! Eat your check and fucking choke to death! IGNORE ME AND THINK ABOUT THE FREE MONEY!!! IT’S FREE AND IT’S MONEY!!! BUY SOME SEX FROM A WHORE OR BETTER YET, JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!”

-Love,

W.

Did anyone else get this note with their check?

Me? I saved my check. We’re in a recession, you know.

The Host’s Lament

Despite what this comic would lead you to believe (who writes this thing anyway?), my birthday party was a smashing success. Thanks in part to the Fancy Bastards who shared in the festivities via live video stream. It was pretty amazing feeling like there were dozens of people watching the shitty movies with us.

Thanks to everyone that came in person and every one else that interwebbed the trons.

Today’s comic is the first one I ever live streamed as it was created. The Fancy Bastards kept me entertained and focused for 7 hours as this thing came together.

You can see videos of “The HijiNKS Ensue Webcomicocalypse” here. I’ll try and edit them together then speed them up for a time lapse type of thing later (assuming I can download them from Ustream).

The Immaculate Extinction Theory

Hereterrific? Heretacular? Either way, this is a church I would join. It’s like Christianity meets Turok, meets “Kill Bill.”

Denise unwittingly inspired today’s comic by sharing this image with me. It reminded me of a book I had as a child called “Dinosaurs and the Bible.” It was sort of like “batshit nuts propaganda for kids.” It explained how a few vague passages of scripture, a painting or two and a poem here and there proved that dinosaurs only died out about 3000 years ago. Dinosaurs were in the garden of Eden (please make this into a movie), and were on the Ark, and so forth and so on.

I encourage you to excercise your right to worship as you please, believe as you wish and whistle while you work, but if you think the entirty of Earth’s history fits into a neat little 6000 year span, you should probably stop reading this and (to paraphrase the poet) “go pound nails in your dick.”

My wife had a “science” text book at her private school that offered the idea that God put the dinosaur bones in the earth to test our faith. It also suggested that carbon dating was not to be trusted. I’m sure they had issues with the “theory” of gravity too. I believe we stick to the Earth because our hair is so heavy. That’s why bald people can fly. Look it up.

FYI

Intense Debate is having problems and I’m not getting comment notifications via email right now.

A Fistful of Joshes

Josh: did you watch the wwdc feed?
Joel: nah
Joel: i read it all
Josh: i’m watching the video of all the 3rd party apps
Joel: my iphone is worth negative nothing
Josh: some neat stuff
Josh: i’ll probably get monkey ball
Josh: because that game is pure fun
Joel: get band
Joel: are you getting the phone?
Josh: are you high?
Joel: hahahahahah
Josh: exactly
Josh: and they’re only half the price
Joel: seems like a marginal upgrdae
Josh: so i can buy 2

I predict about 2 million original iPhones hitting eBay and Craigslist in a couple of weeks. Anyone want to buy a 1st gen iPhone, previously owned by “THE Joel Watson?” What about “THE Joel Watson’s” wife?” She’s semi-internet famous by association.