Kids With The Fluxed Up Kicks

Alternate Title: “The Prestige”

The year 2015, otherwise known as THE FUTURE, is rapidly approaching and before it gets here I have two questions: 1)What exactly happens to us as a society in the next 4 years that leads to flying cars, hover boards, dustless paper, advanced de-aging treatments and simultaneously gives us shittier TV picture quality, sub par vector holograms, crappy cell phone/sunglasses headsets and gets us back to using fax machines in nearly every room of the house? I can only assume we discover cold fusion and, on the same day, a techno-organic virus wipes out at least half of all technology created after 1994.

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The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this littler operation going.

2) Sure the Nike Air Mags worn by Marty McFly in Back To The Future II SEEM really cool in the context of the film, but are we forgetting that these were NOT Marty’s shoes? They were Marty McFly JUNIOR’s shoes. And Junior was, to use the future parlance, a butthead. Since when does the biggest dweeb have the most awesome shoes? I foresee only two explanations. Either Mags were cool a few years prior and he is the one kid that’s all “Dudes! I finally got me some Mags! Can we all be bros now?” and they’re all “Mags are SO 2013, McFly, you insufferable butthead.” OR the concept of power laces was invented to help kids with poor motor control due to birth defects caused by your father probably having banged his own mother in the past thus causing him to be HIS own father and both your father and grandfather.

I mean, come on! Marty Sr. looks and acts exactly like… Marty [himself, the strange sea-faring drifter from 1955] and nothing like George McFly. And you know Lorraine was harboring some feelings for her childhood fling when she named her child after him. The fact that both Marty Jr. and his sister don’t just resemble but have THE EXACT SAME FACE as Marty Sr. proves that gene pool has a nice layer of paradoxical incest-algae floating on top of it. Who knows? Maybe it all really started when Marty banged some 1850’s prostitute while rescuing Doc from the old west who turned out to be his maternal great grandmother.

[DOCTOR WHO SEASON 6 SPOILERS] Time does crazy things to the in vitro human body. Hell, Amy’s and Rory’s kid turned out to be half Time Lord just because they got busy inside a TARDIS. [/DOCTOR WHO SEASON 6 SPOILERS] Can you imagine what Marty’s constant time stream surfing has done to his poor man-onaise? He probably ejaculates a purple florescent magnetic gel. Speaking of Time Lords, I was going to call this comic “Wibbly Wobbly Marty Warty” but then I realized it sounded like I was making fun of Michael J. Fox. If you laughed at that last sentence (as I did), you are terrible.

COMMENTERS: When I was a kid I said a little prayer each night that EVERYTHING shown in BTTF2‘s 2015 would come to pass. Now I just pine for hoverboards. What future tech from a movie or TV show were you really hoping we would have by now? What are you still holding out hope for?

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58 Comments

    • In reality, Holodecks would clearly bring the downfall of society, nay humanity it's self.
      Since no one would ever LEAVE it, let alone have sex the old fashion way(you know, with another person instead of of a hologram).

      But hell, it's a way more enjoyable "down fall of society/humanity" then any we've got brewing these days, so bring it on!

        • 1: I'd assume that some sort of cold fusion/warp-core power would be a necessary step towards the holodeck, so plenty of power.
          2: if my oven can self clean, I'm assuming my holodeck will be able to(or create some sort of holographic janitor. hopefully it won't become self aware. the poor holographic bastard).
          3: I know no Dilbert jokes about holodecks. I was however reminded of the Futurama "Don't Sleep With Robots!" public service message.
          4: also, food being no problem, assuming replicators out come around the same time.
          5: I'm sold, when can I move in?

          • 3. Early Dilbert featured a new Dogbert Scam entitled Dogbert the Futurist. He wrote a book full of guesses that ended with the theory that, once virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed. This was underscored by a scene from the future in which Dogbert answers the door to find a woman in full future garb standing there with a vaguely desperate look on her face asking "Is Dilbert home?", to which Dogbert, also in future garb, states that "He's been in the holodeck since March."

            • That's what I'm talking about! Scott Adams elaborates on why life in the future wion't be like Star Trek in his book "The Dilbert Future."

  6. I desperately need a hoverboard in my life. I can't even ride a skateboard, but I instinctively KNOW that I can ride a hoverboard. And I would. Ride it everywhere. I would never drive, ride the bus, or walk again. Everything would be hoverboard all the time. And I'd have a special sling for it I'd keep on my back, so I could just go POW! Over the shoulder, on the ground, hoverboarding onward to my next adventure!

  7. God damn you Nike, you sell them on ebay for the price of plutonium yet they still don't auto lace! Well at least its for a good cause.

  8. I'm honestly confused why everyone is excited about these shoes, did everyone read only the headline and fall into a blind froth of excitement? The shoes light up, and that is it. The McFlys Nike is putting out are not self lacing. These shoes light up and cost a small fortune but are in no way exciting.

  9. Simulated reality. I want to walk around these virtual worlds and actually do things, instead of slouching in a chair, pressing a button, and watching an animation of someone else doing something.

  10. I'm still waiting for World War III.

    Sure, it will be terrible, people will die, etc…but once the dust settles, I'm making tracks for Montana.

    There's a scientist out there that will need some help. He wants to go on a magic carpet ride.

    • I dunno, pretty sure Star Trek's replicators are more desirable, what with being a giant facilitator of all that peace and prosperity and what not.

      • I thought about those but we've got an early prototype of those in 3D printers. So I figured they were off the table. Also, who needs peace and prosperity when you can fling a bad guy against a wall?!

  13. Can we get a spoiler alert on the Dr. Who trivia in the 5th paragraph, I do like showing your comic to friends but some of them are behind a few shows so I won't be showing this one off, which is sad do to this being a great comic

    • eh, I too am a few episodes behind (huge Who fan, but have been saving those on DVR as a treat for when I have more time), and I haven't been able to avoid that particular "spoiler". but no big deal, they hinted towards it even in the last ones I did watch, so it's nothing I wasn't expecting, and still doesn't reveal the story behind it all.
      Now avoiding River Song spoilers, THAT'S been tricky.

    • And a hypo that you can tell what's in it just by looking at it, along with the tricorder and maybe a jar full of those kidney-regen pills too…you'd be in high demand then.

    • Actually, Spielberg will at some point get his hands on a time machine.
      at which point he'll use the tech to retroactively make prequels to the prequels to the prequels of all his movies, as well as digitally remastering them and replacing characters before they are even written. each edition you buy will be obsolete before it's even released. and there will be so many paradoxes on just WHO shot first that to even think about the question will throw you out of the time stream.

  21. I want the Force Lances from Andromeda; I prefer the tonfa-style model Rommie uses once or twice, since everyone knows pointing a straight weapon is quite difficult (why every pistol ever has a grip between 15 and 90 degree from the barrel). I suppose smart bullets mitigate this issue, but still.

    Of course, unlike a lot of TV SF, Andromeda's tech was made to seem more-or-less plausible by virtue of being set a couple millennia out (IIRC — didn't they put Nietzche 4 or 5 ka before the fall of the Commonwealth?), so it's not exactly a "they told me we'd have it by now!" thing.

    I guess if I were forced to choose near-future things, as hard as it is to beat the hoverboard, I'd go with permanently manned lunar or martian bases (from innumerable older SF works).

  24. Guys, Im sorry, but flying cars and hooverboards are horrible, HORRIBLE ideas to implement in real life. And fusion powered cars? Just as bad. I know people want them because they think you'd just be able to fly around up there, but it'd be just like in Samurai Jack, you'd have to drive in lanes in the sky instead of on the ground.

    • I don't think anyone sane wants everyone to have flying cars. Everyone wants to have the only flying car so they can fly over the proles in their woefully two-dimensional traffic…

      Or maybe to be one of a few people (i.e. they're friends) with flying cars so they can race and whatnot.

  32. On the day Marty goes to 2015, I'm going to do something. Maybe go to Universal Studios and pester the theme park workers just to see if anyone knows the significance of the date.

  33. We need holo-decks. Bring on the downfall of society, screw it! We can just hire Joel to write content for holo programs so we still get new HE's (of course, that means Joel can't live in a holo-deck, at least not exclusively, but I'm sure he'd be willing to make the sacrifice for us!)

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