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Why Do You Cry?

You mean people? I dont’ know. We just cry. You know, when it hurts. Like when McG Makes a movie.

Before you lob your “BUT I TOTALLY LURV’D IT LOL!” bombs at me, I have not yet seen “Terminator: Salvation.” This comic is based on my conversation with Eli on HE Podcast Post Show #55 (Donate to get access to The Vault). His arguments were uncharacteristically sober and went as follows:

  1. It sucks, don’t watch it
  2. It looked like shit
  3. Christian Bale isn’t even the star
  4. All the best scenes are in the trailer

To address his first point, every review I’ve seen so far says the film is generic pop-corn action with little regard for carrying on the Terminator mantle, is poorly executed and sloppily put together. While it is technically “a movie” it is not a “movie you should go see.” This saddens me more than the time I had to have my mother committed because she kept going on and on about “the machines” and “judgment day” and “naked Austrian men in time bubbles.”

He went on the say the film looks like it was shot with a webcam and edited with a hub cap (which can’t even edit video, so that’s saying a lot). I would wager his already building rage colored his view of the cinematic aspects of the film. I bet it looks pretty good, especially when shown in a digital theater or eventually on Blu-Ray. He did say, however, that other than the main FX shots in the trailer most of the CG work was abysmal. I’ll take his word for that. If the film does look like crap, I heard a rumor that they were “done professionally” with their Director of Photography which may have been part of the problem.

I understand Christian Bale was offered the starring role of Marcus, the hybrid Terminator, but wanted to be John Connor instead. It’s probably for the best seeing as how he normally throws himself into his roles. If he can get down to 120 lbs, for “The Machinist“ he might have actually become a cyborg for “Terminator.” Eli thinks this movie will ruin my longstanding man-crush on Christian Bale. Other than my strong belief in robots, this is one of the tenets I hold most dear. The idea of jeopardizing it is more than a little frightening.

I have to give it up to the dude that cut the trailers. They had me Terminator: Salivating for “Terminator Salvation.” I was genuinely giddy to get all up ons this franchise again. If all the best moments are in the trailers, then I guess I got more entertainment than Eli and for $12 less.

Have you seen it? What did you think? I’ll probably wait for DVD at this point. COMMENT WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

V For Voluptuous

I’ve never seen the original “V” mini series, about space lizard people that wear human suits and try to take over earth after promising to share their magnificent space lizard knowledge with humanity. Nor have I seen the short lived 1980’s TV series, but THIS TRAILER for the re-double-remake television series debuting later this year on ABC has me ex-sci-ted.

My reasons for excitement are as follows:

  • Alan Tudyk is starring as the leader of the resistance (though he is suspiciously absent from the trailer)
  • Morena Baccarin is the chief sexy lizard head space hooker in charge
  • Juliette from Lost is in it, and she’s OK too I guess
  • I miss Battlestar

I think I’ve made my point.

I expect this show is being made as a direct response to BSG. If one campy throwback TV property can be ressurected and remade into top notch scifi and garner a rabid fan-base, what can’t another one? The producers were smart enough to include two scifi stars we already know and love to make the transition easier. They want our acceptance and devotion without resistence, so they put pleasing and trustworthy faces on their… OH GOD THEY’RE FUCKING SPACE LIZARDs FOR REAL!!!

SciFi’s Choice

[digg-reddit-me]This comic has been making the inter–rounds so I though I would say “Hi” to all the new visitors.

If you liked this comic, you can check out more HE comics about: TV, Dollhouse, Terminator: TSCC, SciFi, Joss Whedon, Battlestar Galactica or just browse the archive.

Thanks!

-Joel

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Things are a little crazy right now while I am finishing up a long term commission project (which is due in the morning), so in light of a proper post, I give you these links:

Commenters: So what do you think of the decision to kill one promising but low rated SciFi show, only to save another that seemed to be an even longer shot for renewel?

Somebody Set Up Us The Bomb

Maybe the giant turtle is UNDER the island, and the H-bomb will awaken him from his 1000 year slumber to rain slow turtley terror upon the island’s inhabitants!

This comic was intended to run right after the “LOST” Season 5 finale, but… it didn’t. Just pretend it got stuck in a complicated time loop and spent the last 3 years in 1977.

***SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE LOST SEASON 5 FINALE***

Jack Shephard is off his fucking nut. He’s a few fish biscuits short of a box of DHARMA fish biscuits, if you know what I mean. Even if his plan to BLOW UP TIME works, he will essentially be making everyone’s life [but his own] worse. Charlie would still be a junkie and probably still be dead, Kate would be in prison, Sawyer would have no closure with his dad, Desmond would still be on the island away from Penny, Locke would still be in a wheel chair (i suppose you can argue that his new found sense of purpose and the ability to walk may not have been worth his life in the end), Juliette would still be a captive of Ben, Sun would have left Jin and Jin wouldn’t have stopped being an asshole, and Hurley… well, he always seems fine, so I suppose his life would be the same.

My new theory is that Jacob’s enemy, Fake-Locke, has actually been every dead island person who has appeared to anyone else. That includes Shannon, Boone, Christian, Claire, Hurley’s head-deads, etc. My guess is that he was unable to kill Jacob directly, so he had to trick Ben into doing it.

***END SPOILERS***

A couple of quick things:

A Severe Case Of Scullyosis

A condition first diagnosed in a female FBI agent in the mid-nineties, Scullyosis prevents the subject from accepting the strange and paranormal despite clear supporting evidence or strong personal experience. Sufferers of Scullyosis will deny the existence of aliens, for example, even after being abducted, probed, having their DNA harvested, meeting their alien-hybrid baby, taking it to the first day of kindergarten, watching it graduate, sending it to a good 4 year college, attending its wedding and holding their own 1/4 alien grand child. It’s a powerful condition that turns potentially dynamic and interesting characters into one dimensional, broken record skeptics.

If the producers of Fringe don’t do something with Peter in season 2 besides have him blurt out “that’s my father ladies and gentlemen” after every time Walter says something inappropriately sexual, they might as well write him out of the show.

[actually that sentiment was conceived BEFORE I saw the season 1 finale last night. Holy shit, was it good. Peter’s story just opened all the way up. If they can lose the cheesy skepticism, and it’s going to be pretty hard not to after that ep, he might just turn into a character that I can care about.]

Fringe tried a little too hard at the beginning of the season to distinguish itself from LOST by giving us self contained episodes. The main story arch was touched on, but not significantly. The show really picks up around the last 6 episodes of the season. I hope they continue that momentum going forward. It’s really an excellent show and John Noble as Walter Bishop is one of the most interesting characters on TV (if you like House, you will LOVE Walter).