You’ve got the touch. You’ve got the power.

I asked Josh what he thought of the Transformers movie. He said, “Holy shit! It’s one of my top 10 favorites! The final battle with Unicron was fucking life changing. I mean c’mon. Eric Idle as Wreck-Gar!? Fuck Yeah!”

“No, the new one. The Michael Bay one.”

His verbatim response is chronicled in the adjacent panels. Also, the gear-mangled, chewed-up remains of one Mr. Lebeouf is a far less desirable prize to keep in one’s chest than the Autobot Matrix of Leadership.

I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I hear an Xbox-ticon rapes some dude’s face off. So there’s that.

This comic was originally going to feature Spike (of Spike and Sparkplug fame). Perhaps you need to read up on the Witwicky family. Child protective services should have removed Spike from that household. Not only was he a teenager forced to work on an oil refinery platform, but he was encouraged to spend his free time embroiled in a cybernetic civil war for galactic conquest. They eventually gave him a job on the moon. I shit thee not. The moon.

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  1. Transformers has been in decline since they got Orson Wells to play a planet… not just a planet, but a giant robot planet… can’t really get better than that, especially when you make a film with all the emotional complexity and storyline of something a cat spewed up.

    Nice comic by the way, far better than the film.

  2. Saw it.

    I was like a kid in a candy store for the first 20 minutes. It was awesome. Then, well, it was just more of the same. No storyline. No cohesive elements. No real point. But there were giant robots fighting each other and driving fast and flipping cars and shooting guns. As long as you go into it knowing that it’s only a prettier, longer version of the same terrible cartoon you’ve been watching since you were 5 years old, it’s pretty damn good. 🙂

    GREAT comic. That big ass robot holding that tiny ass game controller cracks me up.

  3. @Adam_Y

    The animated movie was like a religion for me. I was convinced that The Autobot Matrix was going to explode and wash over the earth with robot-love-rays curing cancer and ending famine while simultaneously smiting all evil doers. It didnt. But they did resurrect Prime, so he’s basically Jesus.

    @Jim Reverend
    Josh seems to echo your sentiments exactly. I’m going to post his “review” on the site.

    I’m glad/sorry you enjoyed it/hated it.

  4. Joel: Don’t worry, I say that for anything with shock value.

    Terrible because of the shock value stuff; wonderful because it is glorious. 🙂

  5. Not even THE moon. A moon!

    An alien moon.

    Not even the 1st one either, the crummy second one.

    Alone with Bumblebee!

  6. @Craig

    That’s some serious fact finding!

    I wonder how long before Spike and Bumblebee became more than just friends.

    Secret moon lovers.

  7. Well, one only need watch the movie to find out. I do agree that it was pretty lifechanging, especially with Welles and Nimoy. And man.. all that 80s stadium rock.. stupendous!

  8. @Aaron
    Lest you forget that the Wreck-Gar (Eric Idle) scene featred “Dare to Be Stupid” by “Weird” Al. WTF was that song doing in a movie about space robots?

  9. Dear god. I keep thinking about the movie and how I would rate it after a recent rental. I gave it points for the special effects, so it started out as a C. Every time I reflect on it, though, the grade goes down slightly. It’ now around an F+. Good special effects can only take a movie so far.

    As for your comic, it killed me. If you have never seen the CLERKS cartoon series, you can get the DVD on the cheap, and it’s well worth it. I bring it up because there is a hilarious scene in one episode, in which the show turns into an anime parody. This ends with two kids in a transfomer car getting ripped to shreds when it turns into its robot form. More or less along the same lines as your bloody Shia Lebouf. Great comic, as always. I wish I found it sooner.

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