Tim Kring makes puppies commit adultery

Somehow “The Writers Guild” evokes imagery of shadowy figures in heavy velvet cloaks gathered around mammoth stone tables to perform sacred blood rights and cast runes. This ancient band of clandestine scribes is now on strike. They’ve struck… stricken… whatever. To be fair, the studios should just agree to remove all writing from DVD’s and downloaded shows. Heroes season 2 would be unaffected. O00hhh. Burn.

Today’s comic deals with the declining quality of the television show Heroes and the merits of its “creator,” one Mr. R. Timothy Kring. I’ve decided season 1 was a fluke. Season 2 is a testament to how little this guy understands about comic books or geekery in general.

The short list:

  • The only thing we wanted to know is what happened to Peter. We still don’t know.
  • Amnesia is teh kop 0uts.
  • Focusing on new boring characters worked so well for LOST that we should totaly do it. I hope Dora and Diego get buried alive.
  • Wiping out NY was last year’s big bad. This year’s is… wiping out..oh god.
    • For instructions on how to do a new apocalypse every season, see Buffy: Seasons 1-7. Take notes.
  • Mutant virus, eh? Don’t read much X-Men, huh?
  • Claire’s boyfriend is a tool
  • Hiro is an idiot. He was in feudal Japan about 8 episodes too long.
  • Parkman’s dad is the killer? One more Hero needed Daddy issues? Seriously. Think about it for 5 seconds. Who on this show wasn’t permanently scarred by their father?

It turns out Tim Kring time traveled forward, read this post, went back in time and apologized for his transgressions. That’s certainly a different approach than we get from Lindelhof and Cuse. They are more of “Fuck off! Let me see you make a better show! Dick holes!” Where as Kring is taking the stance of “yeah, I really don’t know what I’m doing. You guys got any ideas? Where do you post your fan fics? Oh, here they are…. why are all the dudes gay?”

You can download today’s comic for your Webcomic Remixing delights here:

2007-11-08-heroes-writers-strike-remix.jpg

Have some fun with it and email your entries to comics (at) hijinksensue (dot) com.

UPDATE:

I moved the remix entires here and gave them their own category.

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22 Comments

  1. Maybe I’m not creative enough. I tried to come up with a funny remix but all I could think of is what you guys originally wrote. Maybe friday i’ll try to remix the comic before i read the version with the words in it…

    Reply
  2. @Kip
    Don’t give up! What else could they be protesting? Forget Heroes and Tim Kring. Remove them from the situation. Or just do what everyone did on the last one and make it about hookers and bitches.

    Reply
  3. Ha! I haven’t tried to do a comic remix yet, but maybe I will this week… probably not, just like numerous other projects that I have been procrastinating on… I’m a bad, bad programmer. ^^’

    Although, I really loved “My Bitches”. Brillant writing. Crap, you’re not with the Writer’s Guild, are you? 😉

    Reply
  4. @Kat
    If enough people do the remixes I will give them their own section on the site. C’mon! It will only take 5 min. The less you think about it the funnier it will be.

    Reply
  5. You know Tim Kring claims he “doesn’t read comics,” right? That would explain the whole ‘holy crap I have no idea what I’m doing HERE HAVE NEW CHARACTERS NAOW’ (Also, in the first season episode 1 when Hiro is freaking out over timetravelling and mentions an X-Men comic when Kitty travels through time? Either they translated it wrong, or someone didn’t do their homework, because the issue that he mentioned was not an issue dealing with time travel. Oh yeah. I actually checked.)

    I do however like Monica and Elle, but they’re the only characters who can hang around. I’m waiting patiently for Sylar to kill Maya and Alejandro.

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  6. I’m still half-heartedly watching Heroes, but now it’s more for the beautiful men than the story. Peter got showered down in the last episode. We need more of that to happen, particularly to Suresh and Sylar (in no particular order. Or together. I don’t really care). And that white guy’s Japanese makes my ears bleed a little bit everytime. What is UP with all the cheesy romance bits anyway?? When that one guy picked Claire up and flew her off I almost vomitted.

    /end rant

    It’s all about the Chuck now. You should watch that show. Immediately.

    Reply
  7. The one problem with ignoring “Heroes” at least for the comic is that they’re protesting in front of the Heroes office (or set, whatever it is). Unless you modify the comic itself, they have to have some reason to still be in front of there… I figure we’ll just have to work with that narrower theme, unless it’s okay in the “rules” to change the non-erased part of the comic itself. But then it’s just plain on. =)

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  8. Hey Joel, thanks for posting my remix up.

    Sending in this weeks remix right now. I’m not a big fan of Heroes and my initial remix idea became screaming obscenities and “Cancel Heroes” plastered all over signs.

    Ditched that idea and decided to do a take on my favorite group of assholes.

    I’m still a fan of Lost, last season did get a little frustrating however I’m sticking with it until I finally figure out what the hell is going on. IMO House is the best show on TV right now.

    Reply
  9. Why are your lips white in the last frame?You look like a jewish
    Al Jolson in black-face.

    Reply
  10. @Vendal
    Please feel free to modifiy the artwork. As long as its tagged with the “Remix” icon and your name (and you dont post it anywhere else), I would love to see where your creativity takes you. If the Remix thing takes off i will give it its own page or forum with rules and voting and everything.

    @Ben
    Excellent! I will check it out this morning. House to me is the perfect one off show. Its the opposite of Lost. You can come in on any episode and enjoy it for what it is, without knowing any backstory.

    @Jenny
    Thats actually my teeth. You ve just discovered that I forgot to add the bottom lip in that panel. Will fix it later.

    Reply
  11. “Where do you post your fan fics? Oh, here they are…. why are all the dudes gay?” hahaha

    I still love me some Heroes. IMO, it’s the best thing on. I agree that when shows introduce too many new characters, that’s a bad sign. And amnesia is the worst cop-out of all. And the Wonder Twins can die at any time and I’d be OK with it. However, if they (QUICKLY) turn Sylar into a Magneto-type character and create a Brotherhood-type group, that would be OK too. And if they gave Claire an adamantium skeleton and claws… and turned her into an old dude… with ridiculous, yet awesome, hair…

    So, basically, I want Heroes to be X-Men.

    Reply
  12. @Denise
    Yes, totally Chuck FTW

    Reply
  13. @Dean
    Basically Heroes wants heroes to be Xmen. They were getting there, but gave up.

    @KAJ and Denise
    People keep telling me to watch that. Is it really that good, or just good in the context of all the other crap out there.

    Reply
  14. lol, I’ll have to check out the first season one of these days. I’ll skip the second one though. =)

    Reply
  15. Brilliant? Careful, flattery will get you everywhere. But, no, I’m a humble desk geek, not a member of any union.

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  16. Elle and Monica are the only ones new characters that worth to watch!

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  17. @Varis
    Thats some excellent sleuthing. You get an Ando Snack.

    @Vendal
    S1 is just easy and fun. At a time when it was competing with LOST it was a relief.

    @Mari
    I am interested in Elle but Monica doesnt do anything for me. Im sick of the “discovery denial” phase that each character goes through. I think thats why I liked Hiro right away. He was gung ho.

    Reply
  18. Meh… I actually like Maya and Alexandro. At least Alexandro’s cute. And my sister is majorly obsessed with Adam. But I haaate Nikki. I know she’s the T&A factor for the show, but can’t we just get another character for that or something? She’s boring, her powers are boring, and she has/had no chemistry with her “husband”.

    Reply
  19. @Leah
    Ive always wonder if Nicki’s power is JUST super strength and she’s crazy or if the multiples have any anything to do with it.

    Reply
  20. @Joel
    Trust KAJ and Denise. The Chuck is goooooood.

    Reply
  21. Tim Kring stole his idea for Heros and several other ideas as well. I suppose he can get away with it though, since he has the right contacts (writers guild, NBC lawyers). I suppose you never run out of fresh ideas if your creative process involves ripping off comic book companies.

    Reply
  22. It's a little known fact that the Writer's Guild had a clandestine war with the Thieves' Guild in 1904. However, in an attempt to achieve a cleaner image, the Thieves' Guild retooled itself as the Internal Revenue Service. We all know who won that little scrap.

    Reply

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