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There Goes My Hero

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I wrote this comic based primarily on the developments of last week’s installment of Heroes, but I’m sure it will apply to tonight’s as well (is it new tonight?). There’s no reason to beat a dead show (or steal it’s powers, as it were), so here’s some links about how Heroes sucks and Tim Kring is a douche mellon:

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All We Wanna Do Is Eat Your Brains

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I hope Eli washed that bowl beforehand.

Heroes season 3 premiered this week. I don’t even know where to begin. Season 1 showed so much promise. Season 2 swerved directly into oncoming traffic, collided with a bus full of legless orphaned nuns, each holding a kitten and exploded into a fireball of fail that could be seen from space. Despite that I was hopeful. I blamed the mediocrity on the writer’s strike. Now I’m convinced the writers were striking to PREVENT future episodes of Heroes.

I said before that most elements of Heroes are directly lifted from the X-Men franchise, and that creator Tim Kring exists only to make soft cuddly puppies cheat on their spouses, but the heights of plagerism reached in the first two episodes of Heroes season 3 were nearly immeasurable.

  • Within the first 2 min the plot becomes “Days of Future Past” (thanks BB), right down to the assasination attempt on a senator, the future traveler that must stop the apocalypse, hell I think Wolverine was in this episode
  • One of the new villains basically has Bishop’s power
  • One of the new villains IS MAGNETO! A guy that controls magnetism called “The German“? Are you just fucking with us now? Is there a guy that shoots lasers out of his eyes called “Pussy Scott”?
  • And, despite this not being an X-Men ripoff, Mohinder starred in what was basically a condensed shot for shot remake of Jeff Goldblum’s “The Fly.” God, I could break it down into further analysis but what’s the point. Go rent “The Fly” and then watch that sequence with “Mohinder-Fly.” Do they think scifi fans are going to be impressed that they just lift ideas from movies and TV we already know?

And the writing. Sweet shit in a bisquit was it terrible. Josh has been telling me this since season 2, but I didn’t listen. He’s almost always wrong about everything! How am I supposed to gauge when he’s right? regardless I’m going to keep watching… because it’s my job. There, I said it.

Remixes for “Tim Kring makes puppies commit adultery”

Here are the Webcomic Remixes for the Tim Kring Heroes comic.
There was no remix for Monday’s Apple themed comic.

“The Mirror Universe” – by Vendal T.

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“Even Jesus Pirates” – by Ben C.

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Joel’s sign in the last panel is priceless.

Good stuff Guys! Keep it coming.

BONUS for being cool!
Here’s a late entry for last week’s remix comic “Save Dollhouse.”

“Surely You Joust” – by John A.

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Tim Kring makes puppies commit adultery

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Somehow “The Writers Guild” evokes imagery of shadowy figures in heavy velvet cloaks gathered around mammoth stone tables to perform sacred blood rights and cast runes. This ancient band of clandestine scribes is now on strike. They’ve struck… stricken… whatever. To be fair, the studios should just agree to remove all writing from DVD’s and downloaded shows. Heroes season 2 would be unaffected. O00hhh. Burn.

Today’s comic deals with the declining quality of the television show Heroes and the merits of its “creator,” one Mr. R. Timothy Kring. I’ve decided season 1 was a fluke. Season 2 is a testament to how little this guy understands about comic books or geekery in general.

The short list:

  • The only thing we wanted to know is what happened to Peter. We still don’t know.
  • Amnesia is teh kop 0uts.
  • Focusing on new boring characters worked so well for LOST that we should totaly do it. I hope Dora and Diego get buried alive.
  • Wiping out NY was last year’s big bad. This year’s is… wiping out..oh god.
    • For instructions on how to do a new apocalypse every season, see Buffy: Seasons 1-7. Take notes.
  • Mutant virus, eh? Don’t read much X-Men, huh?
  • Claire’s boyfriend is a tool
  • Hiro is an idiot. He was in feudal Japan about 8 episodes too long.
  • Parkman’s dad is the killer? One more Hero needed Daddy issues? Seriously. Think about it for 5 seconds. Who on this show wasn’t permanently scarred by their father?

It turns out Tim Kring time traveled forward, read this post, went back in time and apologized for his transgressions. That’s certainly a different approach than we get from Lindelhof and Cuse. They are more of “Fuck off! Let me see you make a better show! Dick holes!” Where as Kring is taking the stance of “yeah, I really don’t know what I’m doing. You guys got any ideas? Where do you post your fan fics? Oh, here they are…. why are all the dudes gay?”

You can download today’s comic for your Webcomic Remixing delights here:

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Have some fun with it and email your entries to comics (at) hijinksensue (dot) com.

UPDATE:

I moved the remix entires here and gave them their own category.