The Zooquels

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Eventually they release a Zoo movie called W3 Bough7 4 2oo, but no one can tell if it’s a prequel or  a sequel. It stars Vin Diesel.

This doesn’t qualify as an actual Wheaton comic dare, since Wheaton merely suggested I do something I was already going to do and did not invoke the “DARE” command. Our relationship is complex and rife with arbitrary rules.

I’m sure We Bought A Zoo is a fine film about a man that probably buys a zoo, and in fixing up the zoo realizes he is actually fixing himself, or is family or whatever. That said, I had a ridiculous amount of fun dreaming up sequels for it on Twitter a few nights ago. Here are some of my favorites:

We Bought Zoo 2: We Just Can’t Stop Buying Zoos
We Bought A Zoo 2: I’m Going To Flip This Zoo After The Market Rebounds
We Bought A Zoo Too: Who’s Going To Fock All These Zebras? (a sequel to panel 2 above)
We Bought A Zoo Too: A Kangaroo Ate Robin Williams. Fock This Zoo. (a sequel to THAT sequel to panel 2 above)
We Bought a Zoo 3: You Bought ANOTHER Fucking Zoo?! God Damn It. (via @southworth)
We Bought a Zoo 3: There aren’t even 3 zoos within driving distance! We have lost everything to your zoo problem! EVERYTHING!
We Bought A Zoo 2: Zoolander 3
We Bought A Zoo 2: Clearly We Did Not Think This Through. There Is Puma Shit Everywhere And Most Of The Animals Have Died
Oui, Bought A Zoo: We Bought A Zoo in France (via @BillCorbett)
We Bought A Zoo 2: The Zoo Is Coming From Inside The House! Our House Is Literally A Zoo! No Joke! Stop Calling, We Are Closed!

COMMENTERS: Keep it going. Give me your Zooquel title. Alternately, assume the next Zooquel is an action movie and give me your worst zoo-related one liners.

It being holiday-type times and all, I thought I would mention that I have an Amazon wish list. It mostly consists of Blu-Rays right now, since I finally got a Blu-Ray player (mostly to more conveniently stream Netflix). So there’s that if you are interested. If you’d like to send a card or anything else for that matter, the mailing address is on the contact page.

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  1. "I’m sure We Bought A Zoo is a fine film about a man that probably buys a zoo, and in fixing up the zoo realizes he is actually fixing himself, or is family or whatever."

    It's funny you put it that way, because the only line in "plot" when I looked it up on Wiki (not out until Friday, after all):

    "A father whose life is falling apart purchases a run down zoo and finds as he rebuilds the zoo, he is also slowly rebuilding his own life."

    Totally called it, man.

  2. “Honey I bought a Zoo then shrank it or blew it up or some damn thing”

    Also, in panel 1 it says: “still have a more zoos than you”

  3. We Bought A Zoo Too: Zebra Insurrection (Starring Bruce Campbell)

    Bruce (After killing a renegade Cheetah with a bomb tied to a dove): You're fast, but not faster than the speed of Dove.

  4. We Bought a Zoo 2: The Wrath of Shere Khan Damon gets to scream out "Conned!"
    We Defaulted on our Zoo: Requiem for a Dream A tragic tale as a man loses himself as he loses his zoo and spirals into drug addiction.
    WBaZ3: The Wild Hunt. Halloween release Damon now twisted and bitter uses his zoo to set up a variety of animal themed death traps in this Saw/ Hostel rip off

    • We Bought a Zoo 2: The Wrath of Shere Khan Damon gets to scream out "Conned!" – pure genius!

      "We Bough a ZZoo: The ZZ Top Zoosical" – like Zooropa one, but with ZZ Top music.

      "We Bought a Zoo 3: The Zoobastank Musical" – with music by Hoobastank

      "Alvin and the Chipmunks Buy a Zoo: The Squeakzool"

  5. Z2 – Judgement Hay
    Zoo Two: Zoobalee Zoo Meets XuXu
    Horton Buys A Zoo, Too
    Wii Bought A Zoo: The Crappy Licensed Game By Nintendo
    We Bought A Zoo 2: Based on he novel Push by Saphire

  6. We Bought a Zoo 2: You Can't Handle the Zoo!
    We Bought a Zoo 2: It's Full of Vegetarian Vampires
    We Bought a Zoo 2: Say Hello To My Little Friend! He's an ocelot…
    We Bought a Zoo 2 (remastered): Now with CG Zebras!
    Unnecessary Zoooooooooooooom: The Wayne Campbell Project

  7. We MADE a zoo with some good ol' genetic engineering!

    Come see the gazelephants not running very fast, pandaroaches that breed like crazy in front of your eyes! Don't miss our prized octopoliticians that can grab eight times as much cash from your wallet as any regular old politician!

  8. They might go with a series of unnumbered titles a la the James Bond franchise: Zooraker, The Zoo Who Loved Me, Octozoopussy, Zoo Royale, From Russia With Bears For the Zoo We Bought, You Only Buy a Zoo Twice, At Her Majesty's Secret Zoo, Buy a Zoo and Let Die, The Man With the Golden Zoo, A Zoo to a Kill, Licence to Buy a Zoo, The Zoo is Not Enough, Never Say Buy a Zoo Agin

  9. We Bought a Zoobilee Zoo II: The Electric Fence Company
    We Bought a Zoo II: All Your Zoo Are Belong to Us
    We Bought a Zoo Also
    We Bought the Farm
    We Bought a Circus: The Fellowship of the Ring
    ("We Bought a Serkis"? Get it? Har har har.)
    We Sold the Zoo

  10. unfortunately, i have to say that I don't like this comic. I don't exactly like how they set up the movie, either, because I actually read the book for a school assignment before I knew there was even a movie in the works.

    In the book, (which was a memoir, not fiction) the boy was in elementary school when all of this happened (like kindergarten). from what I've seen so far, the book is so much better by comparison.

  11. Crossover starring Dustin Hoffman, Cuba Gooding Jr, and Rene Russo.
    We Bought a Zoo 2: Someone Touched a Monkey, and Now We're All Bleeding From the Eyes.

  12. We Bought A Zoo 2 – Snakes on the Tram! Sam Jackson, as a tram driver, must battle to keep all of the muthafuckin' snakes off his muthafuckin' zoo tram.
    Zoo 2 – We Bought a Floating Zoo. T-Pain and the boys from Lonely Island shoot a music video on a zoo built on a barge. Take a good hard look at the muthafuckin' zoo!
    Zoo 2 – A Game of Zoos. The entire zoo is magically transported to Westeros and all of the animals are slain and reanimated by the Others. Can the family bridge the cultural gaps with the Night's Watch and help the Seven Kingdoms survive? Winter is Coming, and we're out of goat fodder …

  13. we bought a zoo 2: Zanesville, ohio . . . he buys zoo then frees the animals and kills himself. . . you know to keep with the true story aspect. . .i've been saying that ever since i first heard of the movie a week after that happened. . is that wrong?

  14. We Bought a Zoo-ey Deschanel : Or how our generic boring while male protagonist finds love thanks to a lovely and fashionably adorkable girl (and a zoo).

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