The Name Of The Wind

“Jam Hog” is a name for a penis that rings of elegance, grace and simple beauty. But it is also a strong name. Mostly because of the JAM part. That conjures a certain imagery. Hogs are pretty strong too.
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DICK JOKES! Josh IRL has a GIANT new 3D plasma TV at his home that is actually the one James Cameron watches deep sea documentaries on. I, on the other hand have the same 5 year old plasma that Cameron’s mechanic has in his guest room. Were Josh’s new TV placed betwixt me and the demon sun, Sol, it would surely blot out the DoomStar for eons. The crops would wither, the Earth would fall cold and silent. It’s a big ass TV, is what I’m saying. 65 inches is somehow orders of magnitude bigger than 55 inches. Though I think Josh would be the first to tell you how much impact 10 inches can have. MORE DICK JOKES! Aren’t you glad you got on the Internet today? [Dont forget to check the rollever text for more… you guessed it! Dick jokes!]

COMMENTERS: Using the rules established in the panels above, please come up with more names for Josh’s… well, you get the idea. Perhaps tell the stories and sing the songs of how it came to be known by such names. Perhaps not.

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  1. Scythe of Ages, The Bastion of Virility, Sword of the Pork Lords. Noble Cyclopian of the Ophidian Bracae*. Gaze upon its veiny countenance ye mighty, and despair!

    *this sort of translates to one-eyed trouser snake. It's an Australian thing.

  2. "And lo, they beheld the Grand Commander of Troops. The Fleshen Apocalypse. The Bitchsplitter. And they did salute him as their new Emperor!"

  3. I call it "Algebra". It just gets harder and harder.
    Or "Apple Stock". It goes up, and stays up.
    Or "The Spelunker" because, yeah…

  4. Everyone is forgetting: Odin! (the ol' one eye, king of the gods)
    The Great and Powerful Oz?

    I would think its most common nicknames would actually be: Ouch, Gulp, and Oh My.

  5. Similarly to his new plasma TV, Josh's Magnum One Eye is best viewed in low light conditions, lest ye be blinded by the glare off its massive shiny surface.

  6. "Jam Hog" is horribly descriptive. I love it.

    More names:
    Jack Horner
    The Cuckholder
    The Elder Wand
    Prince Albert
    Vlad the Impaler
    …and I was gonna go with Freyr, the horned Norse god of fertility, but then I remembered Heimdall, whose coming signals either great destruction or great transformation. He's commonly depicted with a sounding horn and a rainbow bridge…hm-HMM?

  7. Stonehunge, Trogdor, The Tickler, Master Blaster, Dr. Strangelove, The Incredible Hulk, Mighty Kong, Miracle-Gro, Sock Slayer, and The Incredibly Strange Creature Who Stopped Limping And Became A Mixed-Up Erection.

    Of course, these are all just euphamisms. To utter its true name would call forth the Rapture.

    Oh, and The Rapture.

  8. The Miner of Moria. He's large. I've even heard some invoke the legendary Norse sword Nothung…oh, wait…

  9. Funny, I'm watching an episode of Angel on that very TV at this moment. The blacks are just soooo black. And no, I'm not going to venture to name my husband's naughty bits….at least on here… payback would be such a bitch.

  10. I tried to come up with names for Josh's, but all those uses of the word "jam" and its derivatives just got me thinking of all the horrible names Matt Smith could have for his (if he were a mere tenth of a percent as perverted as the internet). Such names include:

    The Jammy Dodger
    The Sonic Screwdriver (obligatory)
    The Fish Finger That Supplies Its Own Custard
    The Mad Man's Little Box
    Vincent Van Gag Reflex
    The Beast Below
    The Pandorica
    The Weeping Angel

  11. The Eye of Sauron, The Boomstick, The Alpha and the Omega, The Sonic Screwdriver, The Herald of Doom, The Sword of Damocles, and, when I'm feeling silly, The One-Eyed Wonder Willy.

  12. Going with the kilt reference … when people ask what's under me kilt… 'just me caber'

    (Other answers: lipgloss on a good day, would you like to make it a good day? ..your girlfriends/sisters/mother/wife lipgloss ..

  13. I love that the first panel and the second panel can be viewed on their own and still be complete and funny.

    Also, Jason Statham is definitely what I am calling mine now! Thanks SciSky!!

  14. There is one huge mistake in this comic, to be accurate Tyler Perry's name must appear at LEAST, three more time. Something like Tyler Perry presents a Tyler Perry production of a Tyler Perry product:The Tyler Perry, blacker than black Tylervision……Tyler Perry.

    . ,

  15. Lets see:
    The One True Oh-My-God
    New Babel ("Give this tower a climb and it'll have you speaking in tongues")
    Götterdämmerung (aka Twilight of the Gods. Because hipster kitty thinks Ragnarok is too mainstream)
    Grand Bahamut
    Not-at-all-shy-Hulud (Bless the Maker and all His salty Water)
    Minas Josh
    The Rosetta Stone
    Bang-or-what? (a play on Angkor Wat. DON'T ASK ME WHY, I DON'T KNOW!)

    PS: Soul Reaver and Jason Statham FTW!

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