“Jam Hog” is a name for a penis that rings of elegance, grace and simple beauty. But it is also a strong name. Mostly because of the JAM part. That conjures a certain imagery. Hogs are pretty strong too.
DICK JOKES! Josh IRL has a GIANT new 3D plasma TV at his home that is actually the one James Cameron watches deep sea documentaries on. I, on the other hand have the same 5 year old plasma that Cameron’s mechanic has in his guest room. Were Josh’s new TV placed betwixt me and the demon sun, Sol, it would surely blot out the DoomStar for eons. The crops would wither, the Earth would fall cold and silent. It’s a big ass TV, is what I’m saying. 65 inches is somehow orders of magnitude bigger than 55 inches. Though I think Josh would be the first to tell you how much impact 10 inches can have. MORE DICK JOKES! Aren’t you glad you got on the Internet today? [Dont forget to check the rollever text for more… you guessed it! Dick jokes!]
COMMENTERS: Using the rules established in the panels above, please come up with more names for Josh’s… well, you get the idea. Perhaps tell the stories and sing the songs of how it came to be known by such names. Perhaps not.
"In the tongues of men."
That had to be deliberate, right?
a verbal easter egg, if you will.
I was hoping somebody else noticed that.
I have been educated on more terms to call my shlong…the more you know!!
Meatfist the Hungerer
Scythe of Ages, The Bastion of Virility, Sword of the Pork Lords. Noble Cyclopian of the Ophidian Bracae*. Gaze upon its veiny countenance ye mighty, and despair!
*this sort of translates to one-eyed trouser snake. It's an Australian thing.
The Shaft of Light, Ringburner, God's Bardiche, Lance of Infinity
I always thought it to be more of a combat folder.
"And lo, they beheld the Grand Commander of Troops. The Fleshen Apocalypse. The Bitchsplitter. And they did salute him as their new Emperor!"
All I can say is, thank goodness Josh doesn't fancy the ladies, because something of that magnitude can only be known to us as "Painhammer: Puncturer of Uteri".
Also, I will now and forever refer to all penises as "Jam hogs". Thanks Joel!
The Novae Cleaver
Phallus of Light, Doombringer, Eye of End Times, and of course, Jason Statham
The gauntlet has been thrown. I defy anyone to best "Jason Statham." There's even a physical resemblance!
"Eye of End Times."
Jason Statham's Jason Statham
The giggly stick of pink
I think you're missing some of the gravitas.
That would be a twink who swallows…sorry str8 people, had to be said.
I’m actually thinking of getting a new TV. Which one did he get?
Love the Dune refference!
You have officially referenced Josh's dick more times than *I* have now
I call it "Algebra". It just gets harder and harder.
Or "Apple Stock". It goes up, and stays up.
Or "The Spelunker" because, yeah…
It's so… beautiful! They should've sent a poet…
I think I will officially start calling mine "Grimtusk" now….
Are you referring to the TV or The Hammer?
(the hammer is his penis)
+4 ebony cudgel
Everyone is forgetting: Odin! (the ol' one eye, king of the gods)
The Great and Powerful Oz?
I would think its most common nicknames would actually be: Ouch, Gulp, and Oh My.
That last one can only be properly said by George Takai.
Thank you for that. Gigglesnorting.
Josh: The Takei Blade
I do believe I'll be stealing the Odin line. Thank you very much.
"NO, YOU CAN'T NAIL IT TO A TREE FOR NINE DAYS, I DON'T CARE HOW MANY RUNES I GET OUT OF THE DEAL."
Similarly to his new plasma TV, Josh's Magnum One Eye is best viewed in low light conditions, lest ye be blinded by the glare off its massive shiny surface.
"Jam Hog" is horribly descriptive. I love it.
The Elder Wand
Vlad the Impaler
…and I was gonna go with Freyr, the horned Norse god of fertility, but then I remembered Heimdall, whose coming signals either great destruction or great transformation. He's commonly depicted with a sounding horn and a rainbow bridge…hm-HMM?
And with "great destruction or great transformation" I meant to mention that it's basically the end of the world and it's called Ragnarok…which is also a great-sounding name for a penis.
I think you mean RagnaCock 😛
Stonehunge, Trogdor, The Tickler, Master Blaster, Dr. Strangelove, The Incredible Hulk, Mighty Kong, Miracle-Gro, Sock Slayer, and The Incredibly Strange Creature Who Stopped Limping And Became A Mixed-Up Erection.
Of course, these are all just euphamisms. To utter its true name would call forth the Rapture.
Oh, and The Rapture.
the elder wand, Callendor, the dragon reborn, zanbatō, The Homeweraker (which is a burrito sold at Moe's), The master sword,
"The Dragon Reborn"
I think you mean "Levia-THICK"
The Hooded Lord.
Steve Job's white turtleneck
"And they did call it… STORMBRINGER…"
my favorite among those is "adversary"
I got some of them by googling biblical names for Satan.
So, it's not Josh who's evil, it's his Tower of Babylon that is.
it's his "cross to bear" (in his pants). Though he prefers to bare it.
Mine is most often referred to as "HOLY SHIT, IS THAT REAL?!"
I'm going to add: StormCrow
So many good ones. All I gots is the Rim Wraith.
The Miner of Moria. He's Mithril..ly large. I've even heard some invoke the legendary Norse sword Nothung…oh, wait…
Funny, I'm watching an episode of Angel on that very TV at this moment. The blacks are just soooo black. And no, I'm not going to venture to name my husband's naughty bits….at least on here… payback would be such a bitch.
Must have been a Gunn episode.
Would you get…staked?
Behold, the Eye of Plundara. (Hoooo!)
I tried to come up with names for Josh's, but all those uses of the word "jam" and its derivatives just got me thinking of all the horrible names Matt Smith could have for his (if he were a mere tenth of a percent as perverted as the internet). Such names include:
The Jammy Dodger
The Sonic Screwdriver (obligatory)
The Fish Finger That Supplies Its Own Custard
The Mad Man's Little Box
Vincent Van Gag Reflex
The Beast Below
The Weeping Angel
Jammy Dodger is the maybe the person running away from Josh….
The Eye of Sauron, The Boomstick, The Alpha and the Omega, The Sonic Screwdriver, The Herald of Doom, The Sword of Damocles, and, when I'm feeling silly, The One-Eyed Wonder Willy.
The Noldor know it as Edhelrist, the elf cleaver.
It's like you made this comment just for me.
Okay, you win an Internet for actual accurate Noldorin. Bravo.
Willy Wanker – because he is mostly found in the chocolate factory.
The Grand Wheatonizer
The King of Men
Th Bearer of the one True Ring (or Frodo for short)
Or what my girlfriend calls mine, Porn Star
Oh I'm sure that the tongues of men would be occupied with matters other than names.
The most Fancy of Bastard Swords.
Going with the kilt reference … when people ask what's under me kilt… 'just me caber'
(Other answers: lipgloss on a good day, would you like to make it a good day? ..your girlfriends/sisters/mother/wife lipgloss ..
Ehm.. a caber is that large tree/log thing the highlanders toss in the games.. the caber toss.. in case you were wondering
If you really wanted to make a kilt reference, the name choice would be simple:
Throbulon 12 and the Moon of Doom
Sword of Gryffindor(we all know how much Josh loves Neville Longbottom)
Deathstroke the Throbinater
Whoah, I gots throbbin' on the brain
Temo's meaty mushrom. reverse color Darth Vader, a drill that will pierce the hymen Gurren Schlongan,
"Veal Dagger" is a popular one, albeit not with women.
LOL….jam hog….I may have to borrow some of these. Much better than "Pepe" (from "Duplicity")
I love that the first panel and the second panel can be viewed on their own and still be complete and funny.
Also, Jason Statham is definitely what I am calling mine now! Thanks SciSky!!
There is one huge mistake in this comic, to be accurate Tyler Perry's name must appear at LEAST, three more time. Something like Tyler Perry presents a Tyler Perry production of a Tyler Perry product:The Tyler Perry, blacker than black Tylervision……Tyler Perry.
Did you deliberately mis-spell leviathan?
Holy shit, these were all hilarious! Now how many of these are band names (IRL or on a Rock Band game)?
I call it a fond memory. 🙂
The One True Oh-My-God
New Babel ("Give this tower a climb and it'll have you speaking in tongues")
Götterdämmerung (aka Twilight of the Gods. Because hipster kitty thinks Ragnarok is too mainstream)
Not-at-all-shy-Hulud (Bless the Maker and all His salty Water)
The Rosetta Stone
Bang-or-what? (a play on Angkor Wat. DON'T ASK ME WHY, I DON'T KNOW!)
PS: Soul Reaver and Jason Statham FTW!
Thx.. I just got a James VanDerBeek flashback from "Varsity Blues". At least Josh doesn't call it 'Pedro'…
Crthst Vainor, the Gorgon penetrator!!!
Jörmungandr ….. >_>
Gungnir: always pierces the target and never stops mid thrust.
The scepter of Osiris. That killed me.