Survival of The Crispiest

One might contend that the gas tank is actually still filled with gasoline and Eli, after a long day of replacing a car engine with a deep fryer and drinking, just doesn’t realize. A sure fire indicator would be if his esophogus liquified.

Death Race” seems like the kind of movie you could really enjoy if you’d just drank 16 gallons of beer through a tube. Dumb explodey fun. I’m going to go ahead and call this whole genre “Carsplode!“. I assume I’ll eventually see it the same way I see all Carsplode! movies starring Jason Statham, halfwatching it on TNT on a Sunday afternoon while I’m working.

Director Paul W.S. Anderson has decided that he’s ‘sploded cars so superbly and so “to the max” in “Death Race” that he can’t ever top it in terms of killing cars on film, so he’s decided not to make “Spy Hunter.” As long as we’re thinking of adapting arcade car games to films, how about “San Francisco Rush 2049“? That game kicked ass.

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36 Comments

  1. No, not at all. I love seeing 'sploding stuff and car chases as much as any guy–but this movie (mind you, this is mostly based on my opinion of the previews) seems to have a threadbare plot (if one at all) and is chockablock full of cliches.

    *Shrugs*

    I've been kinda jaded on the whole action movie genre since Wanted.

  2. Man, that's just smart. I only thought about doing the pulley, intake and exhaust mods for my Mini, but a deep fryer… I bet you could get like 200 wings per mile!

  3. Statham was great in the first Transporter. The second one was shit. But he still drives pretty.

    And reading this comic I kept thinking "Eli likey! Eli want wingey!" in sort of a mexican Chris Farley voice.

  4. By the way, the Mini in the strip actually looks supersweet. How'd you do it? Drawing from scratch, or used a tool to vectorize (?) a picture?

    (I have no idea if "vectorizing" is the right term. Damn you kids and your fancy painting doodads. Back in my days we had only crayons! For lunch.)

  5. I would be willing to give this movie a chance, if it wasn't trying to pass itself off as a remake. If it ain't got points for running over pedestrians…IT AIN'T DEATH RACE.

    Plus, trashing the original at Comic-Con? Not cool, Paul W.S. Anderson, not cool.

  6. No pedestrian points? Gaaaah! What was great social (and media, and political) satire will now BE the gratuitous numbing entertainment the original movie was working against!

  7. So in our area the gasoline gets diluted with 10% ethanol, and flex-fuel vehicles can run on a gasoline mixture that is 85% ethanol. I don't know if that's common in other places as well.

    What you may not have known is that ethanol is grain alcohol, the kind of alcohol found in alcoholic beverages. So Eli's beer fueled vehicle is the solution to removing our dependency on foreign oil. For this discovery he will no doubt win the Nobel Prize.

  8. Would it really be maximum evil viscosity though? I mean- viscous demons in the engine sounds suspiciously similar to that "sludge" thing that valvoline is always commercialing about. Wait. Is valvoline actually some kind of secret vatican offshoot?

  9. We (around the Portland, OR quadrant) also have the 85% ethanol mixture. I didn't realize it was made of grain alcohol. I only hope that word about that doesn't get around too much; we have enough drunk rednecks driving around as it is.

  10. Yeah, Boogie Nights was great, but Magnolia was so frakkin' self-indulgent it put me right off him. As for Paul W.S., I thought the first Mortal Kombat movie was perfectly enjoyable, as such things go, but what about that qualifies him to make Alien Vs. Predator?

  11. Thank you! I try to avoid mentioning Magnolia since most folks seem to like it, but I thought it was the worst 3.25 hrs of my life. Any movie that can make Julianne Moore a bad actress has serious problems.

  12. I've seen previews for Death Race in quite a few of my summer movie trailers. At best, I'm skeptical about the movie. Its like The Fast and the Furious mixed with Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

    I think the reason for my uncertain feelings towards this movie is because it has almost zero gay appeal. Hmm.

  13. Load up the ol' DOS emulator and dust off your copy of Carmageddon. Why can't I have the Pedestrian Electro-Bastard Ray in real life?

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