Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One

I’ll be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend. Come say hi!

I wrote this comic after viewing the Star Trek TNG episode “The Icarus Factor.” In it, Wesley Crusher throws Worf a surprise Klingon birthday party on the Holodeck, complete with a Painstick Pinnata. Also Riker worked out his daddy issues by beating the crap out of his old man American Gladiators style. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. I just like making comics about Star Trek.

The actual comic inspiration came from the fact that Wesley clearly didn’t realize that everyone on the ship was punking him when they encouraged him to sneak around and try to plan Worf’s K’Plahmitzvah. Geordi and Data encouraged Wes to pry deeper into Worf’s personal bid-ness despite his obvious increased aggression and agitation. No doubt they were hoping that Worf would remove the young Ensign’s spine through his nipples. Genius he may have been, Wesley just didn’t fit in. He was clearly too young and naive to be gallivanting through the galaxy on life and death missions with cynical space-adults that clearly didn’t have his best interests in mind.

The best line of the episode went to Papa Riker who pleaded with his emotionally blockaded son to “Let your shields down, Wil.” Those are metaphorical shields he’s talking about. Heart shields. The idea of using 24th century metaphors in family arguments lead to these tweets:

So, what’s the best line of shitty space-soap opera dialog you can come up with?

Also, I made some banner art for Denise’s new food blog.

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51 Comments

  1. Data making a joke successfully? In that case, shouldn’t Riker be in the DS9 style jumpsuit à la Generations? Oh, wait… then there would be no Wesley.

    This comic scares and confuses me.

    Reply
    • Nah… Data was just telling the truth… it just happened to be funny… he does that all the time. He only fails at humor when he tries :)

      And yeah, the combat was interesting… not only was it american gladiators, but it was part marco polo too, since they purposefully put blinders on and had to scan for each other with the back end of the stick. Good stuff.

      Reply
  2. Good stuff Joel, good stuff!

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    • I especially like the "Boom goes the photon torpedo".
      That line always cracks me up, esp. when they did it on Veronica Mars, or on The Daily Show.

      Reply
  3. Oh Will Weaton, when will you learn to shut your trap? Although, I did like his guest spot on the Big Bang Theory this year.

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  4. And then there was the episode where Lor first showed up and he could use contractions while Data normally couldn't. Wesley is screaming that he's not Data and everyone gave him the Verbal Phasers on Jackass treatment. Poor, poor Wesley.

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  5. "I try to talk to you, but it's like the inertial dampers are off line, and the engineering team has been abducted!"

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    • Putting your deflectors up again, Helen?!? Your lateral sensor array need a total chip swap!

      Reply
      • For some reason even nerd girls don't react well when a guy says , "Brace yourself we're coming into the cargo-bay too fast."

        I mean it's not like I didn't grease the "landing deck" first…

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        • "Emergency Landing Plan…B!"
          *weird look from Sulu…he doesn't get into that*
          (Star Trek V)

          Reply
  6. The thing that bugged me the most about that episode? Papa Riker's helmet is on cockeyed the whole time and apparently no one caught it.

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  7. Riker-LaForge bromance. Gotta love it.

    Most recent TNG lulz occurred while watching "Measure of a Man" wherein Data was asked under oath why he had the Tasha Yar memento and he wished not to say. Throwbacks FTMFW.

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    • LaForge totally wishes he was Riker's wing man…maybe he would actually get some action.

      Reply
  8. Dad, why do you always try to reverse the polarity when I am trying to modulate the shield harmonics to an inverse subspace distortion dynamic matrix IN MY HEART?

    Reply
    • As seen on Counselor T'Oprah's office bookcase:

      Men are from the Galordon Kor, women are from Bajor
      Plomeek Soup for the Katra, Vol. I-MDC
      Are You There God, It's Me…Sybok
      Drop Kick Me Jeebus Through The Guardian of Forever (of Life)…
      Catcher in the Niners (that'll be obscure-ish)

      Overheard on Voyager:
      "I wish I was never born!"
      "Temporal anomaly, coming right up!"

      "My baby daddy was a glowing pinpoint of light…that doesn't make me a space ho!"

      Reply
  9. “If we readjust the shields to…”
    “Why can’t you understand that sometimes I don’t want a solution, I just want to talk?”

    oh wait. That is my life

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    • Oh man, I know this scenario so very very well

      Reply
  10. I just peed myself laughing. I hope you're happy.

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  11. "Riking" someone sounds like something furries do to each other.

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  12. well he DOES have that furry beard.

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  13. TNG goes Furry, now theres a nauseating thought… Wait, wasn't that the main theme for the episode "Genesis"?

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    • Believe me, the furries have done TNG, and then some.

      Reply
  14. Riker in the last panel is freaking priceless. FACEPALM!

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  15. Never apologize for that. Its beautiful.

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  16. Joel, every time you do a Star Trek comic of any sort, it reaffirms a) my love of the franchise and this comic and b) my need to go back and watch it from start to finish so that I get the subtleties. Why are you trying to give me a year long, unpaid job?

    Reply
  17. It's a conundrum, isn't it… that Wil Wheton is so cool in real life and yet his character acted so lame.

    "Game over, Moonpie."

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  18. Does anyone ever kinda wish that Riker was their Dad?

    I find the timing of this post very interesting considering Star Trek Online goes live in a few days.

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    • "RED ALERT! You're not going out of the airlock dressed like that…" *slanty walk*

      Am I going to find you in the game as William TJ Hooker-Riker III, Jr.?
      Don't ask me who I'll be playing…it'll ruin the surprise.

      Reply
    • Hell, when I was really little (like 3), I thought Riker *was* my dad. They were both men of about the same height with full, brown beards, and they were the only two dark haired people I had regular contact with.

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      • hey, i had the same problem. it didn't help that he had a Trek uniform in his closet, and he often used recordings of old TNG episodes as a subtitute for watching me. Good times.

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    • HOLY SHIT, LOLSOME sir!

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    • Oh dear, in whatever circle of hell he is burning in, you have just made the afterlife slightly worse for gene roddenderry.

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    • Oh lord, my eyes… MY EYES!!

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  19. they said that line on TDS and Veronica Mars?

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    • Yes sir…you may use the Googles to find it…it was a 3rd Season ep. with her and her new bf (Pisnarski [sp?]) who got his stuff stolen 1st day of college (Josh should be able to verify). May have to search a bit more for when Jon Stewart used it.

      Reply
    • The line from the kid sportscaster that coined it when he flubbed his show was "Boom goes they dynamite"…I was thinking you changed it up so the joke would be Trekky.

      Reply
  20. Has anyone else noticed that Wesley Crusher is like Meg Griffin in space?

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    • Perhaps that should be worded thusly: "Meg Griffin is like Wesley Crusher on Earth."

      Reply
  21. I remember wearing a "Wesley Must Die" pin to Orycon back in the day. Good times

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  22. Ahhh, TNG, we hardly knew ye. The comic reminded me of this little youtube gem (near the end):

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  23. Looks more like Q than wesley was abit confused until I read the blurb below. Love the trek tho keep em coming

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  24. It's been nagging me for days, the fact that I don't get the joke here…
    DAMMIT I AM THE WESLEY!!

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    • I was the Wesley in school, too. I had this kind of conversation at the lunch table once.
      The guys were doing the whole "hottie at #'o'clock" thing, and I couldn't figure out who they were talking about.

      I LOLed. This is why I love this site.

      Reply
  25. I have to say, though i earned the badge "trekkie" and all the negative crap that comes with having that title, i would gladly suffer it all again simply so i could read this comic and understand it its purpose… this is what I call "Art"

    Reply
    • Wait, what negative crap comes from being a trekkie? it certainly made naming my pet's easier: dogs Butler and Leonard McCoy (bones for short) and cat Spot

      Reply
  26. Now, I'm just waiting for a chance to use "BOOM goes the photon torpedo"

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  27. Wife———"You go out til all hours, and come back smelling of dabo girls and synthehol!"
    Husband—"Well, maybe if you let my shuttle in your docking bay more often…"
    Child——–"Mom! Dad! Your arguing is weakening the structural integrity field of our family!"

    …I swear that seemed funny when I started typing it…

    Reply

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