Somewhere In Time And Relative Dimension In Space


Just before The Doctor saves the planet, that bitch Harriet Jones jerks it out from under him. ARRRRRRRGH!

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

I owe a lot to Mystery Science Theater 3000. In all honesty I owe my job to that show. I didn’t realize it at the time, but every episode of MST3K I saw as a kid was teaching me how to be funny. From Joel, Mike, Crow and Tom Servo’s example I learned how to find the common threads in totally unrelated things and exploit them for comedy. I learned how to index, search and retrieve references and how to find the one glimmer of humor in a seemingly humorless situation (or film, in their case). They taught me less about “making jokes” and more about learning how to look at situations to see why they are already funny, or the find the missing piece that would make them funny. I use those lessons every single day and I am grateful that there was such a resource available to me. Considering none of that was even remotely funny, perhaps I have forgotten all I learned. Oh well.

I was lucky enough to get to hang out with Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett at SDCC last year and tell them just how much of an impact they had on my comedic upbringing. If you haven’t spent a great deal of time with Joel, Mike and the bots, I strongly suggest you stream the available episodes of MST3K on Netflix and FOR THE LOVE OF SPACE CHIEF you have to check out Rifftrax. The very fact that their commentary made both Eragon and Twilight not only endurable but enjoyable should be enough to convince you to give them your delicious monies in exchange for their electronic laugh-time files.

COMMENTERS: Please insert The Doctor into your favorite MST‘d movie. Give me the title and the key scenes. Perhaps in Pod People he could give Trumpy the choice to end his terrible reign of “making things float” and “doing stupid things” in exchange for helping him get back to his own planet. Of course in the end, when Trumpy doesn’t aquiesce, The Doctor would have to destroy him. Maybe The Doctor could team up with Rowsdower in The Final Sacrifice and stop all those… Canadians from… doing whatever they were trying to do. I’m still not sure about that one. ROWSDOWER!

100,000 bonus points to anyone that rewrites the MST3K theme song (any version) to be about The Doctor. I KNOW one of you can do it.



UPDATE: Today’s comic has been desktopified and wallpaper-o-tronned for your amusement and downloadification. All HijiNKS Ensue wallpapers are now available on a “Pay what you like” donation basis. Please consider donating to support HijiNKS Ensue.

TO CURRENT VAULT SUBSCRIBERS: I am currently reworking the Vault and the incentives for donations. I have some really fun stuff to announce, hopefully later this month (January 2012).

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  1. I feel like I really missed out on something epic, being on the other side of the Atlantic. I'll put watching it on my list of things to rectify.

    And, of course, t-shirt?

  2. I don't have anything creative to add, but I just love that MST3K was the thing in this comic.
    Although, maybe those aliens in Puma Man had something to do with the Santabots. Which would put a whole new spin on that movie, given how friendly those Santabots are.

  3. In the past and in the future

    Throughout all time and space

    There was a guy called “Doctor”

    With many a different face

    He came from the planet Gallifrey

    Where nothing changes in any way

    He got really bored, needed a trip

    So he found and old Type 40 and hotwired the ship

    He faces cheesy monsters

    Hot chicks, he can find

    He has to face or fight them all

    With no weapons, just his mind

    And the ol’ Doc can’t control

    Where his TARDIS decides to go

    If he didn’t land in dang’rous parts

    We wouldn’t have a show

    Companion roll call:

    Martha! Donna! Romana! Rooooooose!

    You wonder how his ship’s so big

    Inside that “Police Box” shack?

    Repeat to yourself “it’s a well-known show,

    I should really read the FAQ”

    For Wibbly Wobbly Time Lord Doctor Who

  4. The Doctor would fit right in on "Manos: The Hands of Fate". The villain is already called The Master. There's a bevy of scantily clad "companions" ready for, er, companionship and their fighting skills are top-notch. Plus, who wouldn't want Torgo as their comic relief / knobby-kneed man-servant?

  5. "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies" works so well for Doctor Who, you don't really even need to change it.

    Same for "Santa vs. the Martians" or "The Crawling Eye"…

    In fact, this might be like Doctor Who and indie band names. Let's see…

    "Aliens of London"
    "Cosmic Princess"
    "Fury From the Deep"
    "The Visitation"
    "War of the Colossal Beast"
    "The Gunfighters"

    I propose that the Doctor Who episodes are nearly indistinguishable from the MST3K films on that list.

    • SCIENCE! INDUSTRY! TECHNOLOGY! Skinny men putting sonic screwdrivers into things, turning them, and adjusting them! Build your own temporal police box! Bringing you state-of-the-art in wibbly-wobbly technology! Pulls off armor of any size Dalek, Sontaran, or Cyberman! And it really, really works!

  6. "The Final Sacrifice" is probably the finest 90 minutes of anything anywhere anywhen. We named our dog Rowsdower in honor of it. TROY AND ZAP 4EVA!

  7. This comic is the best thing ever! I think the Doctor could make an apperance in TimeChasers and help out our Castleton hero. Or at least they could get lunch together in the food court OF THE FUTURE!

    Also I'll bet the Doctor has a SAMPO hidden in the TARDIS somewhere…..

  8. Anyone know why Netflix suggesting MST3K as being like Firefly? I know their both awesome, and they're right that I enjoy both; it just really confuses me.
    I also want this comic in poster form.

  9. This NEEDS to be on a t-shirt and that t-shirt NEEDS to be sold. Many times over. If it is on a t-shirt for sale by April, then I promise you I will buy that t-shirt in x-large for my boyfriend's birthday.

  10. In Space Mutiny (my all-time favorite), The Doctor lands on the Southern Sun just as General Kalgan (Kalgan, blow me away) is beginning his, er, space mutiny. While Flight Commander David Ryder keeps hitting on Leah and yelling at people to "moveMOVEMOVE," The Doctor takes charge, undercutting Ryder with a series of mocking nicknames (Buff Drinklots, Big McLargehuge, Bob Johnson), as he unravels Kalgan's plot, helps humanity find a new home, and reveals the Balerians as spacebound energy vampires, reversing the polarity to turn them to a pure energy state. Captain Santa Claus and First Officer Sting thank the Doctor, who leaves while Leah begs to come along in the Tardis.

  11. Rory and Amy are off celebrating their anniversary, and The Doctor finds himself back on Earth, in 1970s America. A Raxacoricofallapatorian posing as a lawyer is tied to a scheme to deplete the Earth of its natural resources, under the guise of a heroin smuggling operation. In order to stop the Raxacoricofallapatorians, The Doctor will have to rely on his new companion: An American cop who goes by one name…


  12. Rowsdower should definitely be the next companion. And together they must defeat Satoris or the universe will be devoured by Canadian hooligans!

  13. Anytime they did a Peter Graves movie is my favorite…specifically "The Beginning of the End" with the GIANT MUTATED GRASSHOPPERS. Before the film, which is amazing, Crow writes a play about Peter Graves' life which they do a reading/enactment of. This started a running joke with my sister and I, which was just continuing their running joke, where we would at any time say "I'm Peter Graves and I'm…." followed by whatever we were doing. like I'm Peter Graves and I'm waiting for the elevator." Its still funny a million years later!

    I forgot to add in Doctor Who. So here "I'm Peter Graves and this is bigger on the inside."

  14. "but every episode of MST3K I saw as a kid"

    As a kid? The damn show only wrapped up for good 13 years ago!

    [end] old man style crotchety rant

    And the award for making me feel like an old fart goes to Joel Watson. Come on down Joel and accept this prestigious award.

  15. Combining my two favorite shows of all time? Can my heart take it?
    “Bride of the Monster” Bela Lugosi wrestles with the rubber octupus and an atomic explosion ensues, thus bringing the epic commentary: “He tampered in God’s domain.” At which point, The Doctor points his sonic screwdriver at the octupus pieces in the sky, sending them back to their planet of origin. Joel and the bots yell “Sushi!”

  16. Not actually a sci-fi movie, but I feel that "Gnomeo & Juliet" would have been a thousand times more enjoyable had the Doctor shown up, like I kept expecting because of all the British accents. "Interesting… living ceramic… Right, you lot are a far way from home- twelve million, seventy-four thousand and three light years, to be exact- but the good news is that I'm here to help you get back. But first, we need to end this race war."

  17. I don't know if MST3K ever covered this one, but if you've ever seen "The Stuff", I could totally see the Doctor all over it. If you've never seen this movie, go take a peek at the plot and cast on IMDB, then find it. FIND IT!! You'll be singing the jingle in it for days…

  18. In the bad-guy redesigned present,
    Approx. this year,
    There was a gal named Pond,
    Not too different from you or me.
    She lived in a house that was all alone,
    Just another walk on the 'ol main road,
    She had a large crack in her time/wall
    But she never, ever thought help would drop right out of spaaaaaace!
    "We'll see about that crack there"
    "Right after fish and sweets" [oo la la]
    "And then we'll fly around the 'verse and scourge the Silent's fleets"
    Now keep in mind He barely controls where the TARDIS will start and stop
    Because he drives it with the brakes,
    to make that cliche sound.
    TARDIS [she's real]
    Amy Pond [ay girl]
    River Song [sorta]
    If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,
    and why they have a pool, [oo la la]
    Just repeat to yourself:
    "It's Timelord Science, and I should really just relax!"
    It's wibley wobley time for Dr. Who!

  19. So, here's where we insert the Doctor:

    In the MST3K viewing of "Prince of Space," the Doctor is never too far behind. He'll make a reference to something mildly amusing, only to have it become downright hilarious when it happens to him for the first time in a later episode (and probably at the hands of Pearl).

  20. I have never felt more "out of the loop" here than with this comic. I have never seen the good Doctor, nor MSTxxxx. I know.. I know.. but I know all ABOUT them and I still don't get the significance of this image. Is it just one of those things when someone combines two of your favorite things and you can't help but be delighted? Someone shed some light here. I want to BELEIVE!!

  21. In the not-too-distant future —
    Next Saturday on BBC. —
    There was a guy named The Doctor,
    Very different from you or me.
    He worked for the Time Lords CIA,
    Just polishing switches to pay his way;
    He did his job well with a cheerful face,
    But the Time Lords didn’t like him
    So they shot him into space.

    We’ll send him cheesy movies,
    The worst ever made.
    The Doctor says when you got lemons,
    You make lemonade.
    Now keep in mind he can’t control
    When the movies begin or end,
    Because he used the extra parts
    To build his friend K-9.

    Companion roll-call:
    Sara Jane

    If you’re wondering how they eat and breathe
    And other science facts,
    Just repeat to yourself “It’s just a show,
    I should really just relax
    For Doctor Who Theater 3000.”

  22. You mentioned Rifftrax, don't overlook Cinematic Titanic! Joel, Trace, Frank, Mary Jo and J. Elvis are doing live shows and selling DVDs at It's a bit closer to the spirit of MST3K in that they're doing bad B movies, whereas Rifftrax – Mike, Bill, Kevin, et. al. – tends to focus on hit movies.


    Torgo/Mickey: buT DoctOr, yOU've hAd sO mANy coMPanIons! WHy cAn't I haVE oNe foR mYSelF?

    TheDoctor: You are not one of us. Therefore you can not have one of them.


    Torgo/Mickey: [stumbles drunkenly towards Rose with grope-y hands] thE dOCtor waNts yOU but hE can'T HavE yOU, I waNt YoU…

    Rose: [slaps the bejeezus out of him]

    Unlucky tourist: [gesturing at the painting] That must be your Doctor. Where did you say he was again?

    Torgo/Mickey: He hAs leFT tHIs woRLd, buT HE is wIth us ALwaYs. nO mATTer wHEre wE go hE is WiTh us.

  24. IN between the doctor who break, why not watch the rest of the doctor whos like the ones from the 60's and 70's i think they can be seen on tv-links

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