So Sad We All

Threeboot, bitches! New term. Just invented it. You may use it sparingly with my permission. [UPDATE: Yes, I now know that the term “threeboot’ was coined by fans of Legion of Superheroes back before the dawn of time. LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT!]

I honestly can’t think of any other recent threeboots, unless you count The Incredible Hulk and The Hulk.  The Edward Norton version was a loose sequel to the Ang Lee version, so I don’t know if threeboot status applies. Regardless, the idea of Bryan Singer re-rebooting Battlestar Galactica this soon after the end of the SyFy SciFi TV series just seems ludicrous (even though he had the idea nearly a decade ago). The geek community at large still has Sixes and Starbucks and Final Five Cylons on the brain. We’re still reeling with the revelations of season 4 and the intense disappointments of season 4.5. I don’t think we’re quite ready to move on. It’s like breaking up with a girl then immediately dating a different girl with the same name. All your friends would look at you weird.

hijinks-ensue-godspeed-you-fancy-bastard-book-300x300Now to play Cylon’s advocate: Ron Moore’s BSG series borrowed very little from the original. Many of the names were the same but the characters had virtually none of the same traits as their 70’s counterparts and often not even the same gender. The Cylons in the original series were created by a long dead race of alien lizards so there aren’t really any parallels in that respect either (though I would have preferred “Alien Lizards did it” to “Mommy issues and Jesus did it”). Since the two series were related almost in name only, is it possible that Singer could reboot the original without affecting/tarnishing Ron Moore’s BSG? I think it is. Bryan Singer made both of the good X-Men movies, so we know he has it in him to do this up right. Of course he also made Superman Returns, so there’s a good chance the humans will fall before the Cylon threat because they spent the entire movie running around crying like sad vaginas.

Honestly, the Ron Moore-boot we all loved for 3 (maybe 3 and a half) didn’t even really need to be called Battlestar Galactica other than for instant name recognition and potential nostalgia appeal. It could have been called Battleship Galactitron, or Spacelaser Hyperdrive Boat and I still would have watched it. This new-boot movie probably won’t resemble MY BSG enough to truly make me angry at it. I want to approach this with an open mind because I want more good scifi on TV and in the theaters. What would be super rad is if this movie is so popular they turn it into a TV series. Then the universe would implode.

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  1. Maybe it'll be all Egyptian pantheon like the 70s instead of Greco-Roman. That'll be different. :rolleyes:

  2. Comic, as always, is hilarious. But I will dispute that the Edward Norton Hulk movie was a loose sequel to the Ang Lee one, as the most recent film took place within the canonical Marvel movie-verse.

    And I'm totally done being a rabid geek, just had to get that out of my system.

      • I think it's 1/2 sequel, 1/2 reboot. The 2003 movie had the origin story, but it was, looking back, poorly executed. With 2008, I think it was still too soon to forget the events of 'HULK', so they changed Hulk's origins in the course of the OPENING CREDITS and moved the story on from there. So why did "Incrdible Hulk" not do well?

      • I'm saying that it isn't a sequel at all. Different continuity entirely, not unlike how the Ninja Turtles TV show had nothing to do with the movies.

  3. i respectfully disagree with waiting. I think a new movie is exactly the perfect thing we need. True my dreams still dance with the Final 5, but i don't see a new movie as breaking up with a girlfriend, but more as a… getting to third base for the first time. It's still the same great girl, but now with brand new ways of having fun with it.

    just one mans opinion.

  4. I literally just watched the BSG finale today, so hearing about another reboot on the same day is weird. Also, I’m glad to hear that fellow geeks were equally disappointed by the end of the show, especially the “Jesus did it” part. Like, seriously? Way to take the science out of science fiction. (and another thing…SyFy’s just a retarded name…ugh)

    • Having had months to reflect on it I realized that "Jesus did it" was RDM's plan all along. The scifi fans like you and me were explaining things with science because it came natural but that was never his intention. Look at DS9 for reference. He has always been about blurring the lines between science and religion.

  5. Actually, I forget the original mythos – did he 12 tribes come from Earth in the original series or visit it or what?

    Because Ron Moore presents BSG could take place before Bran Singer presents BSG, and so aliens could find old cylons around the galaxy and recreate them, and the people of Earth could build Battlestars and call people similar names as a weird racial memory throwback to the original founders! All of this will happen before, and all of tis will happen again!

    And Boxy is found in a criochamber where they had left him, blasting him into space with a Daggit for company cause thye couldn’t be bothered to write for him.

    • I read the Wiki article on the original once and the mythos's dont really intersect at all. The cylons were a race of lizard people and the centurions were left over from a long forgotten war (I think).

  6. Bring on the threeboot! It must contain:

    1. Robotic Dogs

    2. Casino Planets run by Space Bugs

    3. Lorne Greene (If zombie Lorne Greene is unavailable for filing, I will accept Dirk Benedict.)

  7. Bryan Singer totally destroyed the Superman franchise with possibly one of the worst films ever made – Superman Returns (IJandtheKCS was yet to be released), His place in hell is reserved, right next to Lucas. I loved XMen and Usual Suspects, but Superman Returns was rubbish from start to finish. The casting, the plot, the script, the special effects, the everything – dreadful. My wife almost castrated me for taking her to see it; she still hadn't forgiven me for 'Solaris'.

  8. Come on–the real issue here is that everyone in Hollywood is out of ideas. Since everyone keeps spending their money on every bit of crap that comes out, Hollywood seems to think they can get away with murder. Bryan Singer isn't a hack, but he totally screwed the pooch with Superman Returns (a movie that was not good enough to justify how bad XMen 3 was after he left the project). The very idea of trying another BSG is ludicrous, and everyone who thinks it isn't deserves what they get from Hollywood, including G.I. Joe and Episodes 1,2, and 3.

      • 2nd-ed. I liked the more action-oriented flavor series finale and the few episodes before it. It helped wash the navel-gazing and heavy-handedness & vagueness of Season 3 out of my mouth. Like Bill Adama said, "I've had enough of gods and prophecies and destinies and all that crap!"

  9. Fox-TV exec to do list:

    Option rights to BattleSinger Galactica series.
    Buy new "CANCELED" stamp and fresh ink pad.

  10. Sorry to disappoint, but the term "threeboot" was invented by Legion of Super Heroes fans after THEIR second reboot.

  11. I'm STILL trying to figure out what to do with my Friday nights.

    Going to bars is ok, but it's increasingly more difficult to find people who want to talk about BSG while I'm there.

  12. The Cylons are actually a result of Scientology gone awry. After the world realized what a crock they were, the Scientologists released the Cylons onto an unsuspecting world, nearly wiping out the human race. In a last ditch attempt to save the species and show the world the true side of Scientology, Tom Cruise builds a fleet of space-worthy DC-9s and leads us to the promised land. Little do we know that Tom has been taken over by the soul of Ron L. Hubbard, who in turn was taken over by Xenu back in the 1950s. Eventually the power of Xenu/Hubbard corrupts Cruise, and he takes us to an unnamed planet and dumps us into a volcano, thus perpetuating the cycle, because all of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again.

  13. Singer's first two movies (Apt Pupil and Usual Suspects) were really good, so were the first two X films. Everyone thought he had a brilliant future… and then there was Superman Returns.

    I blame it on the Superman curse.

    Valkyrie sucks too, but that would've sucked anyways cause it has Tom Cruise as a nazi trying to kill Hitler… nuff said

  14. So would Batman count as a threeboot? There was the Adam West one, then the Keaton/Kilmer/Clooney series, and now the Christian "We're Fucking Done Professionally" Bale series.

    And while we're at it, isn't it about time to reboot the Harry Potter series? I envision it set in Zimbabwe, with a yodeling faculty. Who's with me? No?

  15. Since the recent BSG series essentally took only the drama potential of the original series, distilled it down, fermented it and served it raw and undiluted from week to week, what does that leave for a new movie. A whole lotta CAMP, that’s what! Singer should go the complete opposite direction with the movie, winking at the audience the whole way.

  16. Wow.

    A movie about, say, Galactica’s battles and her part in the Cylon War? I would have expected that, and it would have quite a bit of potential depending on the writer.

    But a movie about the old canon? A couple years too late. The new show was far too successful for a good reboot of the old stuff. Instead of actually watching the movie, people are going to be super critical about how different it is from the Moore series.

    I highly doubt people will readily accept this un-remake.

  17. When you say "Jesus did it" it makes me want to slap you in the face. Seriously. There can be "god" without Jesus. I'm sorry your parents crammed Christianity down your throat (in fact I'm in the same boat as you) but I think it's time for you to get the eff over it.

    That being said, I frakin love your comic man. Seriously. Keep up the good work.


  18. It's "UNimagining"!
    Basically, when one takes something that is re-imagined, and re-re-imagines it back to the way it was before… technically re-un-re-imagining it! (Of course, the "re-"s cancel each other out)…

    …although, I really like the THREEBOOT.

  19. So when is the reboot of Buck Rogers coming out? Surely it must be in the works? The South Park spoof was tremendous ("Cartman gets a Nintendo" I think was the 2-parter's title).

      • What, they rebooted Flash "Gordon's alive?!" Gordon? Brian Blessed must be spinning his his grave. Well, if he were dead I'm sure he would be.

        I understand Sky is rebooting Blake's 7. I suppose Americans won't know the original series of Blake's 7. Imagine Doctor Who (pre reboot) but without the lavish sets.

    • There's an excellent Buck Rogers comic currently being published by Dynamite Entertainment, and there have been rumors of a web-series to be directed by Star Trek:New Voyages producer (and Elvis impersonator) James Cawley.

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