No Child Left Alive

Here’s another redraw/recolor of one of my FANEURYSM strips. The original is here.




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“Now, I know you’re a little apprehensive about sending your child to Hogwarts, but let me assure that our mortality rate is well within the guidelines for other reputable wizarding schools in Europe and Asia. Mortality rate… yes. The likelihood that your child will die or otherwise be rendered irreparably cursed, hexed or transfigured while in our care. What IS that rate? Like I said, it’s well within the standard… well, it’s… it’s around 30% NOW I know that seems high, but I promise you it is well within… yes, of course. No, I understand. It’s just with every single one of us, teacher and student, adult and child, carrying the power to kill with but a flick of the wrist and a a couple of odd words one has to expect a certain level of… no, I wouldn’t use that word. Well, because MURDER is a very particular word and I believe what happens here is more akin to… well OF COURSE you would bring HIM up. Yes, he was VERY murdered. Yes, horrifically so. Yes, all of the other students saw it. Well, because it happened right here in the great hall during lunch. I don’t know, I suppose he wanted to make an example of the little… yes, I’ve heard that about American wizarding schools as well. Honestly I don’t see how they could be teaching proper magic if THAT many children survive each year.”

If you like Harry Potter, you might like the podcast I do with my 8 year old daughter called Potter And Daughter. We recap each book about 6 chapters at a time as she reads through the series. Right now we’re in the middle of book five. It’s cute.


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  1. Hogwarts is actually an American conspiracy to create a foreign school system that kills/dooms/turns evil more students than its own.

  2. Interesting that the US never gets so much as mentioned in the entirety of the HP series. As far as I can recall, the only other countries outside of the UK that we know even exist in the Potterverse are Ireland (from that one Quiddich game), France and Russia (from the Tri-Wizard Tournament). And I vaguely recall some eastern-European country being brought up – Romania? Hungary? I forget. Something about Voldemort’s backstory or some such.

    • At the Quidditch World Cup, there are American spectators, mentioned as having a banner saying they’re from Salem.
      A species of dragon is called the Hungarian Horntail.
      The Weasleys go on vacation in Egypt.
      And there are kids at Hogwarts whose names imply ancestors from various Asian countries (Cho Chang and the Patil twins are the first to come to mind) and there are black kids, implying the existence at some point of Africa.

      Just to add to the list 🙂

  3. Romania is where Voldemort went after the curse rebounded on him. Viktor Krum and some other Durmstrang students were from Bulgaria, Durmstrang itself was somewhere in the northernmost part of Norway or Sweden.

    No Russian references remembered, but I could be wrong.

  4. I love this re-draw, but I gotta say, Hagrid’s original phrasing in the first version felt more… in character. I could actually hear the big guy say it like that. New version not as much. Dumbledore’s “Say my name!” however, is PRICELESS!!! Keep up the good work!

  5. The text piece kind of puts me in mind of Rowan Atkinson’s ‘Fatal Beatings’ sketch. Watch it if you haven’t, it’s funny.

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