It Takes Brass Balloons

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“We’re adding a little something to this party’s Pin The Tail On The Donkey game. As you all know first prize is a Sega Genesis. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of POGS. Third prize is you’re fired. Get the picture? You laughing now?”

“Wait. Fired? Like From the Party? Or the family?!”

As a True Believer[TM] and a lifelong Spider-Man fan, I only feel relief at the mercy killing of most recent Raimi/Macguire Spider-Man movie. After Spider-Man 3 (which was so turdtastic that I started a webcomic just to bitch about it), I really have no interest in any continuation of that particular franchise. I swear if I ever meet James Franco I’m just going to punch him right in the head. He should know better. Shame on you, James Franco. A thousand times, shame.

Tobey Macguire has actually done kids parties in the red and blue suit. What other actor/role do you think would make for great childhood birthday memories/future therapy sessions?

BONUS QUESTION: What do you want to see in a Spider-Man film franchise reboot?

ALSO! There’s a familiar character in this “Truly Epic” comic.

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43 Comments

  1. Back in the day that josh's hair dances above than hung below…

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    • It did seem to migrate didn't it…

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  2. Oh if only Alec Baldwin really DID do parties. Stupid awesome.

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    • One day I want William Shatner or Patrick Stewart to preside at my wedding.

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  3. Christopher Walken in … well, whatever he's been in

    I wanna see a Spider Man where Spider Woman has sex with him, rips off his pedipalps and then eats him whole

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  4. Bruce Campbell as Ash. For toddler parties. OH and the Monster from Cloverfield has to do some appearences at BBQs.

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  5. Question: if the comic is posted on Tuesday, should the posted date still read Monday?

    I love this comic (it is delicious, taste-wise) but the updates are…. random at best.

    As to the bonus question: Isn't there a law that says you can't reboot a franchise that is less than 10 years old (The first Spiderman came out in 2002)? Though Hollywood is all about the reboots.

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    • The comic and post were created and dated yesterday so its more a hassle to change all the date than to just let it say Monday. It shouldnt impact anyones ability to read or enjoy it. Glad you like the comic, but if youre having a hard time finding the updates I suggest subscribing to the RSS feed. Thanks!

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  6. If you really want to stop hating James Franco, watch the recent '30 Rock' with him as a guest star. The hate just melts away…

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    • Kimiko-tan and I agree.

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    • Thats what i mean! He KNOWS better.

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    • we DON'T love objects.

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  7. I don't know about children's parties, but I want Tricia Helfer to wear Head!Six's red dress to *my* party…

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    • I support this idea with all my tingly parts.

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    • So, does that make the Head! prefix a description of the character, or a euphemism for your party hopes?

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  8. When did Alec Baldwin play Ray Romano?

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  9. Heather Grahm – Roller Girl

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    • Only if she leaves her skates on…

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  10. Uwe Boll and Michael Bay would make great entertainers for children. They set up some dynamite and green screen in the back yard and turn the kids loose. Good times for the whole family.

    The Spider-Man reboot needs to be like the Hulk reboot: it needs to skip the origin story and dive straight into a story that is a quintessential Spider-Man story, ie, balancing high school and superheroics, all while trying to win Mary Jane away from Flash Thompson. There also need to be ties to the greater Marvel U, like including the Baxter Building in the New York skyline, or a news story in the background about mutants in Westchester, or Sam Jackson.

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  11. Oh there is NO. WAY. FOX will let the good Cap'n Sex Harkness be omnisexual. Have they ever let two guys kiss on network television, anyway?

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  12. The first thing I want to see in a Spider-Man reboot is Web-Shooters! It was good enough for 40 years of comics, and it’s good enough for a movie. No origin story either, everyone knows it by now. As for a villain, give him someone like Kraven the Hunter.

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  13. Hugh Jackman as naked, feral Wolverine

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    • This. Oh so very much THIS.

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    • In the new Spider-Man, or at your kids' party??

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      • He won't stay the hell out of everyone else's books, so why not their movies?

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    • The claws aren't the only thing that retract….is it cold in here?

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  14. Also, Jackie Earl Haley as Rorschach would be great at kids parties.

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    • Rorschach – "Half you kids are gonna end up dead or in jail by the time your 40, Just be glad your moms aren't whores"

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  15. I would love to have Jack Nicholson in my birthday party… as himself.

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  16. James Franco slept with my skeeziest friend. He was almost too hungover the next day to do a q&a about his (god-awful) film.

    His brother is another friend's landlord. Tom Franco rents an old firehouse out to hippies and film students near the Ashby flea market.

    Just so you know

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  17. I want Gandalf to handle the fireworks for my party. And Karl Urban as Eomer to handle the Pony Rides.

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  18. Really? No one else said Edward Norton from Death to Smoochy?
    Sarah Michelle Gellar at a Buffy TVS party?
    Brad Pitt Fight Club party?

    Ryan Reynolds at a… oh, well THAT would have to be a Bachelorette party. He doesn't need a costume…

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  19. 'I only feel relief at the mercy killing of most recent Raimi/Macguire Spider-Man movie. After Spider-Man 3 (which was so turdtastic that I started a webcomic just to bitch about it)… '

    Well, at least *something came out of that polished turd of a movie. 😀

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  20. I have to say, what I DON'T want to see in a reboot is the damned origin of Spider-Man. Again. It's been in the comics, on t.v. and in movies againandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagain. It's enough to make me sick. We fraking well know how Spider-man got his damned powers. Leave it alone!

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  21. David Bowie from the 1984 movie the Labyrinth!! Jareth! I can just see the glitter and spandex pants….

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    • That game of "Pin the Package on the Goblin King" is NOT going to end well for anybody…

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  22. I think they should've just picked up where the 3rd movie left off. Say the whole thing never actually happened, blame Mysterio, have Spidey kick him in the nuts in the first five minutes, and then (and this is the essential part) LET RAIMI MAKE THE MOVIE HE WANTS TO, WITHOUT THE STUDIO EXECS STICKING THEIR GREASY LITTLE FINGERS IN.

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  23. Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad. Yes, the whole "Sandman killed your Uncle Ben" thing should have been revealed at the end as being a frame-up job by Harry (paying off the cops to feed Peter false information) and yes, "emo Peter Parker" was goofy (although I thought entertainingly so)…but Topher Grace killed as Eddie Brock (I loved his prayer: "Please, God…kill Peter Parker.") and it felt like a comic in the way that the plotlines interwove. I can understand not liking it, but I can't understand hating it with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. :)

    And for kid's parties, Robert Englund, obviously. :)

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  24. Joel, I owe you an apology for weighing in on your Haiti-themed comic, if only because it went against my preference for saying nothing when I can't find anything good to say. Rolling that way has done wonders for eliminating a lot of the drama in my life, especially over the Internetz, and I therefore regret any lapses from that position.

    As for this comic, I'm almost surprised why nobody my age (38) wanted to have Carrie Fisher show up at their 12th/13th/14th birthday party in that metallic swimsuit.

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  25. Which role is Christian Bale's "iconic" role? Batman or Bateman (from American Psycho)?

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