INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY

Joel and Ethan Cohen? More like Joel and Ethan Goin’… To Put Me To Sleep! FROM BOREDOM! WITH ALL THEIR SMART WORDS! AM I RIGHT!? LADIES?! FELLAS?!

[It’s secretly June 18, 2015, and I am back from a short vacation with my family. We went to a water park and also a cave. Both were wet. Also I nearly sliced off my left thumb the day we left, so doing… things, anything really has been pretty difficult. I’ve never seen that much of my own blood and/or finger meats. It was an ordeal to say the least. Getting caught up on comics for this week now that I have mostly regained use of my thumb and have relocated to my home where there is reliable comic-making technology and Internet service.]

SHARKSPLODERS: What movie dialog cliches are you sick of hearing? They can also be dialog+action cliches like, “I’m not going, there’s no way you can get me on that plane, I’ll never go!” *cut to that dude totally on the plane.

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  1. I like Schwarzenegger’s new one “Don’t bump my selfie stick”. This should be the new “I’ll be back”.

    • Whoever can write an app that autofills job applications will make all the money in the world.
      [opens Microsoft Visual Studio]

  2. The endless variations of “lets get dangerous”, “lets rock” or whatever other worn out sound bite is being used to show that shit is very close to becoming real.

  3. But if he avoids overused, hackneyed cliches, how can he possibly write a successful Hollywood blockbuster?

  4. My personal “favorite” (read: opposite of favorite) goes as follows:

    Super-Smart Scientician Played By Geeky Star: *Random gobbledygook that is supposed to be techno-science-theory-physics jargon*
    Action Hero/Reporter: “In English, please?”
    Super-Smart Scientician Played By Geeky Star: “We’re all going to die!”

    First off, the first part was in English and acknowledging you don’t know big words doesn’t help your case for being in charge.

    Second off, Mr. Scientician…what’s the point of getting technical when it’s clear that in the heightened setting of the film, there isn’t a second to waste? You just killed like four people that the action hero couldn’t get to because he had to listen to two versions of the same story!

  5. My most hated cliché/trope is “Humans Are The Real Monsters”, and its especially irksome in fiction that has a threat to all humanity, like zombies, aliens, Titans, etc.
    So what is Bradley supposed to be, anyway? I know Clippy’s a paperclip, but I can’t place what kind of pin Bradley is supposed to be.

  6. Wait…a short vacation to the water park?

    And just where are all of the cute, wet, shirtless Joel pictures?

    That’s right…I said it!

    • By the time I wasn’t running around the house, freaking out and bleeding all over everything we had it under control enough that it wasn’t super gory. There were a few times that I removed the bandage to see how it was doing and went, “NOPE NOPE FINGER MEAT NOPE BLOOD LOTS OF BLOOD PUT THE BANDAGE BACK NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!”

      A sharp exacto knife makes a very clean cut so the wound it nothing impressive now. Just a line. My thumb is, however, half numb. Really hoping that isn’t a permanent change.

      • Might want to see a specialist, find out if there’s any surgical options to restore sensation. I had a similar injury a bit over ten years ago, and to this day, there’s a stretch of my thumb that remains slightly numb. (Also, the area of the cut itself is likely to remain extremely sensitive to pressure for years.)

        • For now I’m going with “wait and see,” since a specialist will likely charge me $200 and advise me to “wait and see.” Your story doesn’t give me much confidence in my own speedy recovery, but even if it stays numb, it isn’t worth the time, money and additional recovery involved with surgery.

  7. Any police work oriented show or film, where they end the big meeting about a criminal with “let’s get this guy!” Like, as if that goal wasn’t obvious to absolutely everyone.

      • This is acceptably if, and only if, your film features Carl Weathers and any number of future state governors aggressively shaking hands for several minutes.

  8. I hate the sci-fi cliche that starts where our heroes find a derelict space ship or installation. Only one recorded log is recoverable from the computer but it just so happens to contain a rehash of the events that caused the wreck/destruction.

    Does Windows 415.01 have “Emergency Exposition Mode” where it automatically creates multiple backups of event-critical video logs in case of catastrophe?

    • Ob:
      “Hi, I notice it seems like the whole crew is dying. Would you like to create an emergency log?”
      “Ok! Would you like me to make it fuzzy and staticy right at the most important bits?”

      • “Now I can hear the bad guys banging on the door as you record this final log. I’m going to go ahead and cut out the recording immediately as they bust through almost as if the first thing they did was find and destroy the camera you’re talking into. Wouldn’t want the people who see this video to have too good of an idea of what the bad guy looks like, now would we?”

  9. Nearly severed your thumb eh? Sounds painful and scarey! My first semester at University I was working on a sculpture project and my hand slipped while using the 30in. disk sander and went straight to the bone on the index and middle fingers of my left hand! I was fine until after they got them bandaged. That was when the shock kicked in. Six weeks twice daily bandage changes that usually included slicing off tiny bits of dead flesh. I still have massive scaring on those fingers. It sucks because it interferes with me playing RockBand.

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