I’m Going To Be In Pictures (Guest Comic By Didu)

Those Hollywood FOOLS! They have no idea how much bacon I can eat. I assume after the international release I would be paid residuals in Canadian bacon.

I am spending this week catching up on projects and preparing for Webcomics Weekend so, once again, Didu has graced us with her unique interpretation of the HE crew. I LOVE how she draws these guys. I am considering ripping off some of her ideas for my next character design revisions. I also enjoy the fact that her guest comics always deal with the actual people behind the HE characters and not the characters themselves. I think she bases her guest comics more on the Podcast Crew than the comic, which spices things up.

So, regarding the HE movie… SHIA EFFING THE’BEAF?! I can only assume he’s playing me. I know he draws a box office crowd, but come-fucking-on! Was Christian Bale not available? Did anyone call Edward Norton’s people? At least give me Paul Rudd or John Cussack. Jesus Titty-Manipulating Christ Shia Lebeouf Mother Fuck.

Alright, Fancy Bastards. Let’s get this movie pitch down before we take it to H-Wood. Who’s playing who? Who’s directing? What’s the plot? Drama, comedy, psychological thriller or straight up zombie love story? Gimme the over all arch for a trilogy? 20 years later what will the prequels focus on and how will they fuck up the canon? Product tie ins? Is there a talking CGI dog or just a cameo by Jackie Chan as Denise’s dad? THE COMMENTS BECKON YOU WITH THEIR SIREN SONG!

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36 Comments

  1. Hijinks movie? The DFW Metroplex becomes isolated outside of time and space and characters/scenarios from popular fiction become real. A regular Joe(l) & and his colorful, inclusive crew must navigate a world gone mad.

  2. It has to be a war epic set in Manchuria before the U.S. intervention in WWII, where Joel, Denise, and Eli are a paranormal devision in the remnant Chinese national army. (They must have proton packs) Where they come upon a sealed cave that contains a magic lamp that contains the half bear half genii Josh. As Josh joins the team they go forth to take out the evil Warlord Cat Thrower(jackie Chan), who throws cats at his enemies faces. They must take him out because he has developed a cat/alien facehugger hybrid that once implanted makes you shit out up to 100 more cat facehuggers over the course of a week. The team manages to take out the evil Warlord but not before loosing Denise to a cat facehugger, the credits roll over a door to an outhouse where it can be heard the cry of cats and Denise repeatedly remarking "mother Fracker." Also, there must be at least 3 Bollywood giant dance numbers throughout the film. BAM! give me my Oscar.

    • ..I'd pay serious money for that.
      And buy it on special edition director's cut dvd, with podcast commentary and behind the scenes docs like Making Of Josh's Junk.

      -D

  3. Yeah, but you simply cannot get a better-looking Goth community anywhere else 😛

    Sod my local clothing stores, I'm doing my shopping in Helsinki!

  4. Yes. A fully CG Josh as some horrific hybrid tribute to Doctor Manhattan and a bacon-based Pizza The Hut.

    With a huge physics-based bacon-dong. And glowing.

  5. I dunno. That cast sounds almost 100% dead on. They can have Shia play you and CGI in the rest of that finger. Denise would be played by Smith Cho, or maybe Grace Park. Boxcar Pete is a 2-way tie between Ron Pearlman and Michael Hogan.

    The team has to deal with the risk of their favorite television show being canceled right before the airing of the episode that plans to reveal all of the secrets the show has been building up to. Subplot: Josh merges an iPhone with a Guitar Hero guitar and creates a gun that can actually create portals. Eli and Denise are the ones that kick major ass in all the fight scenes.

    Wil Wheaton would have a cameo as "Executive In Charge Of Programming At Fox". Steve Jobs plays himself.

    • The CG finger will have to be removed very soon with a Bay-esque Geeksplosion.

      Whedon's cameo would have to be the hand of the almighty stepping in when all seems lost, uttering the magical Potter-phrase "Deus Ex Machina" and transport our heroes to a roach-free Arbys on the shores of Rivendell just before the credits roll.

  6. Hijinks Ensue: The Golden Years

    starring Jean Reno as Joel, the charismatic leader with a mysterious new accent

    Bruce Willis as Josh, the guy who's getting too old for this shit

    Lucy Liu as Denise, the ass-kicking chick who eats birds for BREAKFAST

    and a reanimated Roger Delgado (nee Roger Caesar Marius Bernard de Delgado Torres Castillo Roberto) as Eli, the crafty alien whose mastery over time is rivaled only by his mastery over sound

    • I know I know, he's.. not fancy. But that's why I wrote him there. Him and goddamn omnipresent Seth Rogen.
      (Despite his mighty resumé, there simply is not enough Danny Trejo. In anything!)

      -D

  7. I'm glad to hear that because I was a bit unsure of the art on this one. Less time and more repetition, and surprisingly I found it more challenging to do than my previous colourful epic one-panel. Thank you for the kind words, apparently this worked nevertheless!

  8. "When Webcomics Become Real"
    Starring Jim Carrey as Joel
    Steve Carrell as Josh
    And Rob Shneider as Eli
    Featuring Rihanna as Denise
    And George Clooney as Boxcar Pete

    Its basically a lot of comics represented in real life in 3 hours. Seriously. That's it.
    Directed by Joel Watson
    Filmed in Baconvision with Baconflex lenses.

  9. I got it. Eli will be like Bumblebee in the shitty Transformers film, only speaking in soundbytes. "Is he a brotha?" "Shit's getting way too complicated for me" et al.

  10. The fact that Seth Rogen would possibly play gay just made things a little brighter in my world.

    But if I were to cast an HE movie; I'd probably say Wes Bentley for Joel, Brad Grunberg for Josh, Jacob Vargas as Eli and Kristin Kreuk as Denise (why not? They did it in the new Street Fighter movie).

  11. As a fellow mexican, I ca only say: Danny Trejo, hahahahahaha

    please don't forget the scene when he takes off his shirt and you can see the hot-chick-with-a-huge-sombrero tattoo

  12. way late, as I'm reading through the archives. I'll catch up though.

    Anyway, the plot: HE crew goes to comic-con, to meet Whedon.

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