I bid one dollar, Bob.

All of this and more could be yours, if… the price is right.

This comic is basically factual except that it hasn’t happened yet… or maybe it’s happening right now. I’m not sure, but I’m probably foretelling the future (or at least the present).

Josh is in Chicago this week for Bear Pride. You see, once a year Josh’s people instinctively return to their ancestral homeland of Chicago. Once gathered they begin an ancient ceremonial mating ritual consisting of bar crawls, dancing and alcohol. I suppose there is also plumage involved. At some point he’ll lay his clutch of eggs in the spawning ground, then return home never to see those he mated with again.

I am certain that I’m either talking about Chicago Gays, salmon or rain forest toads. It’s late and things are starting to blur together. Which one has a cloaca?

The unfamiliar face in the first panel is Josh’s friend Perkk (in the blue, not the bouncer in the pink). I told Josh I was doing this comic and asked who should be in it with him. He said it was Perkk‘s birthday, so they honors go to him.

Happy birthday, Perkk, from Josh.

The overall inspiration (and the image of Bob Barker emblazoned on human flesh) came from this Radar Online list of terrible tattoos (specifically this one).

If you want to see something else truly fascinating, I suggest you Google “gayest tattoo ever.” You can stop when you see the “MerMen.” It’s usually the first result. Breathtaking.

If you’re living it up in Chicago this week, I invite you to stalk seek out Josh and show him a good time (not that he needs any help).  In fact, see if you can do anything to lessen his good time. We need him back in as close to one piece as possible.

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  1. I was listening to the Don and Mike Show, and Mr. Barker happened to be the guest. Their closing question was something along the lines of "Is there ever a day where you wake up and you don't feel like being Bob Barker?" His response: "For that, there's always tequila."

    Bob Barker is awesome.

  2. Hmmm I'm starting my summer internship in Chicago in a few days. Does this mean I'm going to be arriving in Chicago in the middle of mating season?

  3. OK, this is weird. I actually know the owner of that tattoo. I once gave her a piggy back ride, started running full speed, and fell over, busting up my knee. She's a total sweetheart of a knee destroyer.

    In related news, we watched The Guy With Secret Kung Fu last night. It was not awesome.

    We'll watch Undefeatable next week and send your package back.

  4. Actually, it's part of the healing process for your shiny new ink to itch. I should know, I just got two tattoos within a week of each other and they itch like hell.

  5. I hear ya. I dont begrudge any minority group of reveling in their right to exist (especially a group that is feared and hated by at least 40% of the country) but we'll know we live in a better world when no one has to say, "we're here, we're ________ get used to it" because that would mean they are already accepted.

  6. So a friend in SF in the 70s decided to check out a leather bar in the South of Market area (before it was called SoMa, when it was still pretty rough). He nervously walks in, the music's pounding, there are huge guys in leather everywhere, and the music stops briefly while the DJ changed records. In the silence, one conversation pops out: "…and if you put some mint in your hollandaise, it's really great!"

    Suddenly, it was much less scary…

  7. Maybe I should do a follow up about his jilted lover searching the country for him. When they meet, their matching nipple rings with lock together, then he'll beat josh to death with a pipe.

  8. The internet cares, it's just that we won't point it out until the day you forget something, whereupon we will complain 'till the cows come home about how you used to be so detail-oriented.

  9. You know, the homos really know how to get down. I live with a lesbian and a gay man and we party hardy. I treasure the night we went on the Castro and a ginormous black man told me I was the most beautiful woman in the bar. I'm pretty sure he was stoned out of his mind, though. The night ended on the roof of some girl's Mission apartment with burritos. Good times.

    If Josh ever makes it out to Pride in San Fran, give a shout and I'll send him a list of all the best places. I'm sure there's a local bear den around here somewhere.

  10. "I think I'm brushing my teeth with beer"

    I'm not sure which is funnier, the idea of an extremely hungover person brushing their teeth with beer or the fact that Josh isn't quite clear on whether or not the substance on his toothbrush is beer. Makes you wonder.

  11. "I think I'm brushing my teeth with beer"

    I'm not sure which is funnier, the idea of an extremely hungover person brushing their teeth with beer or the fact that Josh isn't quite clear on whether or not the substance on his toothbrush is beer. Makes you wonder.

  12. well done with the "penis euphemism bar" best gay bar name ever! also well done with the continuity of the beer cans on the sink (keeping the correct one on it's side from the opposite angle, and having the label positioning stay the same). i know for you it might be a no-brainer, but in my sleep-deprived mind it kix ass!

  13. Niiiiiiiiiiiiice!
    I came for the humor, but stayed for the details: Penis Euphemism Bar, Josh's red eyes, even the water supply line for the toilet.
    Yeah, having Bob on your back is bad. Would Drew be better or worse?

  14. Oh man, I wanna cry. But there's really no mistake when you enter an establishment called the Penis Euphemism Bar–you pretty much should know what you're in for.

    And as far as I know, a tattoo shouldn't itch until about a week afterward. The Bob Barker tattoo in the link that you ever-so-kindly provided us looks fake, it looks more like paint than actual permanent ink.

    Hehe… and I had a gigglefit with the Peter Pan reference.

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