How To Find Your Star Wars Name

Please to enjoy this giant-ass Star Wars rant disguised as a comic or a chart or whatever.
COMMENTERS:
Please share your least favorite silly or overtly evil character names from fiction in the comments.

I’ve been operating at a bit of a comic deficit  since I went to Calgary, and have been backdating comics in the archive to fill in the gaps for the my promised “3 comics per week,” but since this one is at least 3 times the size of a normal comic and took me the better part of 2 days to create, I’m going to date this one May 4th, (as in “May the Fourth have nothing to do with Midichlorians from now until time eternal.”) and call it even. Then I can focus on making some new HE comics for this week.

Why not go check out all the sweet prints and posters I have in my store? They’re signed and everything.

I’m glad most of you seem to be enjoying the FANEURYSM comics. I don’t want to go back to full blast pop-culture comics all the time, but it was nice to blow off a little sci-fi steam. I’ll figure out where FANEURYSM fits into the update schedule in the coming weeks. Maybe between HE updates, or on the weekends. Or perhaps if we hit the next Patreon Milestone, I’ll make a FANEURYSM comic the 4th comic of the week.

becomepatron

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43 Comments

  1. Heh. "Darth Eval"

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  2. Is "George Lucas" an overtly evil character name? Cuz, I'd pick him. His sins are UNFORGIVABLE!

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    • There is actually an X-Wing pilot action figure named "Jorg Sacul" that bears Lucas' likeness. Most fan-canon has him being a traitor to the Rebellion, and numerous customizers alter the figure to make him a Sith apprentice, Imperial officer, Mandolorian bounty hunter, or the like.
      https://www.google.com/search?q=Jorg+Sacul&nu

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  3. So my good guy name is "Fr'ankank dada Starplonk", but once my inevitable betrayal comes I will become "Meany Inconvenience".

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  4. "Resting Bitchface" is now my drag name. RuPaul, here I come!

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  5. Susan has two syllables. — Darth Pedanticus

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  6. You wrote commader Worf. You left out the n.

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    • That's just the "poorly disguised character trait" of being the one of good guy's two lesbian mothers (com-mader), like how old helmet head was named Darth Father.

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        • And I always said anybody who speaks dutch would've had the Vader is Luke's father thing spoiled a LONG time ago(Vader in Dutch is Father)…

          Never made the INVader connection. But now…bluh…

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  7. I think this is how many of the harry potter 'verse characters got their names

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  8. In The Old Republic, there is a character named Darth Vengean.

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    • I read that as "Darth Vegan". Obviously I need new glasses but a Sith Lord enforcing veganism would truly be frightening.

      Now witness the destructive power of a fully operational meatless wiener! *FARRT*

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      • Shades of Johnny Test!

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      • Terrifying!

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  9. Darth Schwertzenhände?
    Darth Pechantlitz?
    Darth Unglückselger?

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    • Darth Schwartschild?

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  10. Wait, there's actually a Star Wars character named Elan Sleazbaganno?

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    • He's the 'Wanna buy some deathsticks?" guy in Attack of the Clones. I'm kind of ashamed to know that.

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  11. Still giggling about "Bloodblood Murderblood", hehe.

    *Finally* subscribed on Patreon, although I haven't gotten around to cancelling the old PayPal one yet, but I'm sure that's okay 😉

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  12. I present to you:
    L'eeee L'eeee Gagoo Blasterjoy

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  13. Darth Maul having a bro, and a bro with such a stupid name is second to the fact that Darth Maul survived. Guy was cut in half, then dropped down a 30 story cylinder in an energy reactor place on a hostile planet that is occupied by the enemy. That’s 5 kinds of dead.

    But it made sense given that the extended cannon lived in its own little world with only some relation to the movies. And with the release of the new movies, no relation at all.

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  14. Worf made me laugh too much…
    And Shifto Cheatsatcards just brought back all those Space Mutiny names…Blast Hardcheese, Bob Johnson, Big McLargeHuge.

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  15. No one has brought up Kit Fisto? Sounds like someone on 4chan contributed enough to a Kickstarter so they could name a character.

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    • Seriously, anytime anyone says anything about the naming of characters in Star Wars, all you have to do is point out that Kit Fisto is a legitimate Jedi Master in the prequels. Somewhere, sometime, in the Star Wars universe, there was someone who had to say, "Yes, Master Fisto."

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      • I suspect that JJ Abrams is going to fuck with us and have a Jedi Master named Baytur in the new SW films.

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    • The worst thing about Kit Fisto is the name actually sounds pretty cool when you don't think about it with your brain AT ALL, and he looked like a fucking badass, and he did NOTHING on screen and died in a kiddie pool.

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  16. Squeee! Sci-fi comics, all day, every day, forever and ever!

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  17. My Rebel Smuggler sci-fi name? Fatt Lasto. Able to make the Kessel Run in…whenever I get to it.

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    • Don't you mean, "…however far I get to it?" :)

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  18. The first 2 movies were -so- good. Then Lucas [damn him] retconned Jabba the Hutt from a fat human gangster guy [seriously – read the original paperback] and turned him into a giant slug. And claimed that Han did NOT shoot first. He introduced e-bloody-woks … and then JarJar … who makes the e-bloody-woks look good by comparison.
    AND he went from late-teens-Luke and mid-20's-Leia to frelling related and worse than that – TWINS?
    The one redeeming element in all of this is that Lucas was sloppy and let it show that evil-manipulative-Yoda is a secret sith lord. Manipulates Luke into fighting darkside phantoms in 'the cave' – is the one who in 'Clones' goes and gets the clone soldiers and helps take down the Republic thereby. Then, when dueling his rival – uses force lightning with no ill-effects as he ninja leaps all over the kriffing Sensate chamber.

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  19. you know he was running on empty and frantically scanning his kids' freshman biology textbook when he came up with midichlorians…

    midichlorian = mitochondrion

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    • Lucas's youngest daughter made up the word Gungan. I think he just turned over the script to his kids at some point.

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      • Well, isn't it good for a dad to get his kids interested in his work? Helping write a STAR WARS movie must be one hell of a bonding experience!

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  20. I feel much better about my decision to name my next RPG fighter "Victor Hackenslash".

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    • And just rename him Torvic Hackenslasho and you've got your ToR character! Or one of the leads in the new movie.

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  21. Great list! I still fondly remember 'the rancor'.

    A hot mess of 80s HOW-THE-HELL-DID-THIS-GET-MADE-ness is a Canadian cartoon film called "Rock and Rule". The villain's name, simply 'Mock" was jarring enough…till I read that it was supposed to be "Mock Swagger."

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    • I totally remember Rock And Rule. I remember it disturbing me a bit as a child. It was probably all the sexual stuff that just confused me when i was 9 or 10. If I remember correctly the villain looked like Mick Jagger too.

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  22. Resting Bitchface is real!

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  23. Can we just go ahead and mention the fat X-Wing pilot named PORKINS?!?!

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    • I just assumed that was a cruel nickname the other dickhead X-Wing Pilots gave him.

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      • Then there was his brother, D'onnie Porkins, who would basically have sex with anything.

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