How It’s Laid

Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Funny geeky shirt, parody, battlestar galactica, twilight, team edward, team jacob

OMG FOR THE LOVE OF KRAMPUS, CAN WE PLEASE MAKE #howitslaid A THING?! PLEASE?! It’s all I want for Christmas. 

Earlier this week I was live tweeting an episode of How It’s Made where, from the sounds of it, they were either hand-crafting horse saddles or reanimating Frankenstein’d leather daddies:

“He inserts the bushing in the center hole.” #howitslaid
“The seat area gets one last leather buildup.” #howitslaid
“He glues leather around the base of the horn, an area called the swells.” #howitslaid
“This makes it smooth so it won’t chafe the horse or the rider.”#howitslaid

Man, my nipples are getting pierced just thinking about all of that. [Thanks to @d20monkey for coming up with the hashtag. Go read his comic.]

COMMENTERS: Let’s just go ahead and keep this about unintentional dick jokes, preferably from show like How It’s Made, since they are so often discussing things like shafts and flanges and obvious dong-analogies and what not. Those dirty birds. Any episodes that really stuck out as offenders? I should mention how much I really do LOVE that show. Dick jokes not withstanding (is THAT a dick joke?), what’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned from How It’s Made or shows like it? I thought it was crazy when I found out they froze soapy water inside trombones so they could bend the bend the tubing without kinking it… [snicker snicker].

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  1. Why do you think all the shows about pawn shops have pawn/porn puns in their titles? (And how much I love saying or writing "pawn/porn puns"?)

    Does Mike Rowe ever go through an entire episode of "Dirty Jobs" without putting his arm elbow-deep into either an animal or something resembling one?

    But the worst of them all is C-SPAN with all the dirty doings in Congress. Why, just the name "Congress"… and "reaching quorum"? Yeah, we all like to reach some quorum. And "roll calls"? Roll me a call and take the floor while you're at it. No wonder they're all called "esteemed members"…

  2. Saw an episode of Dirty Jobs last week where Rowe made wine barrels. One of the final steps was cauterizing the bunghole (which would later have a large cork shoved in it).

    Can't think of any other saddle parts that have suggestive names, except for the gullet, or maybe the bucking rolls.

  3. I like the idea of "How it's Made", but the narrator's voice just kills it. He sounds like if he cornered you at a party, you'd spend the rest of the evening listening to fascinating fishing tales or the like.

    • YES! After watching one episode, I couldn't stand it anymore. It doesn't matter how famous someone is or if they are the producer, you need someone with a good narrator's voice to make a show like that bearable.

      • Are we talking about the same show originally from Montreal – That one is narrated with a woman's voice most times when shown in English.

        I wonder if its the US stations need to Americanize and Masculinize the show that the dubbing was redone for you fancy bastards on the other side of the border?

  4. The most fascinating thing I learned recently actually came from Storage Wars. A guy found a whole bunch of tiny red eye-glasses in an abandoned locker. It turns out, those are real products for chickens. The red lenses filter out the color of blood. Farmers put them on chickens because the birds are naturally caniballistic and will attack, kill, and devour any other chicken they see bleeding.

    So yeah, someone made a cock blocker to keep those peckers from swallowing each other whole.

  5. My son and I love that show…but my wife hates when we watch it, mostly because we just repeat whatever the announcer says with the words "Yeah Baby" in front of it and then laugh at how witty we are. "Yeah Baby….stamp that sheet metal !!! " It doesn't even need to sound perverted anymore, everything cracks us up!

  6. My husband and I watch How it's Made together and we like to play a game called 'Just like Charlie Sheen'. Whenever the narrator makes a particularly outrageous comment one of us will add, "Just like Charlie Sheen." this also works while watching science documentaries.

  7. I really miss having the science channel because of How It's Made.
    Though watching it with friends involved making "that's what he/she" said jokes after every line 😛

    I feel the need to turn that show into a drinking game now. Every time he makes something that is clearly a dick joke, drink.
    If it's anything like the Futurama drinking game (when you see a robot, drink) your liver will hate you in a few episodes.

  8. I had no idea that toilets were hand-made until that episode. Makes a lot more sense that they're so expensive, now.

    There was probably something when he was swishing the runny clay around inside the mould but unfortunately it was so long ago that I can't remember the details well enough to share the unintended hilarity with you all. But it was probably there. Ooh, baby, yeah. Right there. With the swishing and stuff.

    • One thing you have to remember about How Its Made is that they often show the extreme high end of a product line. For every hand made toilet there are probably 100 that are shit out (pun intended) by machines in mexico or china. If the factory itself isnt interesting or impressive they tend to go for the ultra high end, crazy expensive hand made variety of something.

  9. One time, my friend and I were…not soberly… trying to fix a toilet. The instructions were read (proving that sometimes men do that, despite what TV shows might tell you — though we were/are gay, so your Tim Allem milage may vary)

    Anyway: "Nut", "shaft" and, "knob" were all making us laugh, and I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting. But by the time we got to 'ballcock' we thought somebody was fucking with us. (And his roommate was going to have us committed.)

    • I had a similar experience when my friend and I were trying to replace his stolen car stereo without removing his entire dash. He was in the floor board under the steering wheel and I was elbow deep in the cash cavity and every single exchange we had sounded like we were horribly fumbling through our first sexual encounter.

      "Grab the tip!"
      "I can't reach it!"
      "But I put it in the hole!"
      "This is hurting my arm"
      "I cant stay in this position too much longer!"
      "GAH! Something got in my eye!"

  10. Shortest summer job I ever had? Working part-time at an apple orchard's cider factory.

    Boss: "No son, you need to get that nozzle good and deep in the bunghole."

    Me: *trying desperately not to laugh* "In the what?"

    Boss: "In the bunghole son, the bunghole."

    Me: *laughing under my breath* "I'm sorry, didn't quite catch that."

    Boss: "The bunghole, make sure you keep the nozzle really tight in the bunghole."

    It was at this point I started laughing like a loon, and my boss got mad cause I ended up spilling quite a bit of cider on the shop floor because of it.

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