Hell Is Other People In Elevators

Alternate Title: Enter The Hellevator

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Sheesh! Mondays! Right? Who’s with me? They are just the worst. This comic was born of my absolute and all encompassing hatred of elevator/parking lot/lunch line small talk. I think the main reason I stopped having a real job was to avoid small talk at all costs. I didn’t watch the game, I don’t T.G.I.F., and I’d rather not discuss the unbearable and oppressive Texas heat since there isn’t a god damn thing we can do about it except die. Actually, that’s what I’m saying to the other guy in the elevator with my eyes. My mouth is making a sort of “meph” sound.

If you go see M. Knight Shyamalan’s Devil, please email me with the spoiler/twist/reveal/whatever. [UPDATE: I already got the goods and DAMN is that a shittyamalon twist!] I only want to know so I can rank it on my Shyamalan Scale of Twistappointment. My early guess is the elevator is Satan’s esophagus and he’s just swallowing them for 2 hours.

Satan’s Esophagus is my Slayer cover band.

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  1. Hi…not that I'm trying to read into your life, or the comic, or anything like that…but do you intend to have ads for "Lansinoh breast pumps" on the upper ad banner?

    I don't know if I should be scared, concerned, or just giggle…I'm just sayin': double-electric breast pumps, when a single stroke engine just won't do.

    (And yes, ladies, I did have to set up the breast feeding room at the callcenter I used to work at, and source things like this, so you can see my consternation here…)

        • What…does someone fart demonically in the elevator?

          I remember my old callcenter job, where the oil in the pump that lifted the 'vator up/down would burn, causing smoke/fire, and fire alarms to go off…which would never set off the sprinklers since the H2O pressure was too low in the pipes from people flushing toilets all day.

          It kinda was the elevator from hell…until we got it replaced 8 years later with another demo model. Good times, good times.

  2. I had to read that last bubble ten times before I realized the Devil was talking about a phone. I kept imagining R2D2 having a mishap with an unholy potty, and then I wondered why Satan would have need of an astromech in the first place.

  3. "I’d rather not discuss the unbearable and oppressive Texas heat since there isn’t a god damn thing we can do about it except die"

    Well, people up here who moan about the unbearable and oppressive New York cold often seem to move, so there's your option. There should be some kind of exchange program.

    • Try living in a city where people complain when the sun is in their eyes (sunglasses? visor in your car?), it's too windy (God waving hello at them?), or too rainy/hot/snowy/sleety, etc. It's not like the weather in Ohio doesn't change every 15-30 mins. anyway, on average.

      And people look at me oddly when I say I want to live on DS9…

      • Hey, we got some schizo weather over in California. We had a mostly cool summer, with the occasional 2-or-3 day heat wave, followed by extra wind. I look up in the sky and yell, "MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!"

        • You must have a tolerant deity out west, then. Around here, if you were to shout "MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!" at the weather gods, a tornado would come out of the clear blue sky and destroy your home. Just yours.

  4. When I first saw a commercial for this movie, I kept thinking "man, I want to see this…" and then the last few words – "From the mind of M. Night Shamalayan…"
    I walked into my husband's room and said, "you should slap me. You really should. I deserve to be slapped."
    "I'm interested in an M. Night Shamalayn movie." [slap!]

  5. "unbearable and oppressive Texas heat since there isn’t a god damn thing we can do about it except die"

    It's amazing how many people just don't realize you're free to leave. I mean, I don't know why anyone still lives in my home town. You're free to move guys! Get the hell out of there.

    As for Shyamalan, it's pretty obvious he'd used his last good idea with Unbreakable. He should have just retired then and there.

    • Sounds simple enough, but most people are tied to a an area. For us its family and cost. This is a VERY cheap place to live compared to most places that are "cooler" than TX.

      • Yes… I used to get told "if you don't like it here, then move!" (back when I lived in Utah). Moving isn't always an option at all times of a person's life.

        I eventually did move but my point still stands 🙂

  6. How long have you had scroll over text? Are you intending on keeping up with it? I love scroll over text…

    Also, Shyamalan hasn't had a good idea in years. I do think that if he hadn't been the director for The Happening, it would have received better press. The movie had a basically good message. The Lady in the Water was awful, and you couldn't pay me to watch him shit all over Avatar.

    What kind of a person doesn't get ethnic people to play the characters but then demands that their names be changed to the "proper" Chinese pronunciation? It's an AMERICAN tv show.

    Also, he basically admits to stealing all of his ideas for his story, including the ending, from Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None.

      • It's very amusing when xkcd does it (as long as it isn't some inside statistics joke that only math PhD's get). If it works for you and you don't have to kill brain cells to do it, it's like a candy surprise for us. 😎

  7. dude! me and my friends totally had a joke about calling Devil "Hellivator"!

    great minds think alike

    except you're a lot funnier than me…..

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