Doctor, It Hurts When You Do This.

Update 09-03-14: I am frantically trying to update/backdate new comics so there are 4 a week for every week since I got back from Toronto.

Teaching kids to deal with and even anticipate disappointment is tough. Teaching them that certain humans called “Genre Fiction Showrunners” revel in building up their hopes, just to dash them against the bloody rocks is nearly impossible. Children want to believe people are basically good, but they lack the experience and emotional sophistication to comprehend that many showrunners often are not… people, that is.

My Patrons can see the original last panel to this comic with completely different dialog and a different ending [HERE]. 


My wife and I will often carry on these deep, philosophical and analytical conversations about the worlds our kid’s shows take place in. Curious George is a frequent puzzler for us. George occupies a universe where no one takes issue with a man raising an ape (no tail = not a monkey) as a child. They can all understand him when he “talks” and they almost always leave him in charge of their stores, restaurants, human children, dumptrucks, air traffic control stations, etc. when the opportunity presents itself. The other, almost MORE crazy, thing people in George’s world do is give him stuff to deliver. “Oh hey, George the animal ape! Can you take this pie to Mrs. Stevens on Elmhurst St. She’s in the Parker building between 5th and 6th in apartment 14b. You got all that, George? George the naked ape? Can you be trusted to take her this food, and to NOT put your feces covered paws all over it? YOU CAN?! Excellent!” They even sent him to space once*.

Then we realized what we’re talking about and go make a sex, or drink delicious wine or whatever grownups do.

*DISCLAIMER: Curious George is actually an excellent show for children from about 2 to 9. Every episode is about using the scientific method to solve real world problems, and I’ve seen the positive effects it has on my daughter. It gets her thinking in that “hypothesis, experiment, evaluate results, try again” headspace. After she finishes an episode, she usually runs to the craft table and tries to build a scale version of whatever contraption George built to stop cap the out of control underwater oil well or whatever.

Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Sonic Screwdriver earrings my wife made! 

sonic screwdriver earings matt smith elevelth doctor who etsy

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  1. My theory is that Curious George is a young Gorilla Grodd that was found by The Man In The Yellow Hat shortly after being exiled from Gorilla City for using his mental powers in a failed coup to take over the throne from King Solivar.

    George's "wacky hijinks" are actually attempts to usurp control over mankind, and everyone lets him get away with it because he bends their will subconsciously, and makes them see a cute little monkey instead of a massive psychic gotilla. In fact, he bashed in the skull of The Man In The Yellow Hat months ago for changing the channel while he was watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Everyone that sees him with "George" in public is actually being fooled by a mental projection.

    The worse part? The books and TV show are all a plot by Grodd to indoctrinate your kids, so when "George" attains full power at adulthood, the now-adult brainwashed children will have infiltrated the government and hand over their seats of power to him. That's why there's a new Flash TV show coming up, in order to counteract Grodd's brainwashing program. Be sure to watch The Flash this Fall on The CW, or else a psychic primate will control your children and gain majority in the Senate!! (Not to be confused with the primates currently running the Senate)

    • Grodd's first appearance on Justice League is one of my favorites. SO many great moments, like Flash rewiring Grodd's mind-control helmet to fry his own brains, and the rest of the League stopping nukes from hitting Gorilla City.

    • *sighs* "Ok kiddo. Let me tell you about somebody we all like to call the EFE…"

      I choose to believe Joel will teach all related comics as inarguably true historic documents. When the time comes.

  2. My favorite running gag on Curious George is Bill the country neighbor kid attributing everything unusual about George to him being a "city kid", completely unaware that he's an ape.

    (tangent — how the hell does The Man in The Yellow Hat afford a second home on a museum grunt's salary?)

    • The Man obviously comes from money. He works when it pleases him. He has two homes, one being a huge apartment in Manhattan, he stays home most of the time and he drops everything to go to his upstate ranch whenever he sees fit. He works at the museum because he's bored with his life of luxury.

      Also, Bill is a twat.

  3. That's why I prefer Martha Speaks. It's ONE dog that can talk, and ONLY because she eats alphabet soup the wrong way, and they break the fourth wall to TELL you that yes this is silly and no it couldn't happen in real life in the FIRST episode. Also, Helen is a BAMF.

    • HAHAHAH! Oh man. We used to watch that when she was younger and it posed SO MANY questions. Why is Ruby such an unbelievable dick to Max? Does Max just not have any friends or is he not ALLOWED to have any? I think Max was responsible for their parents' death. Maybe mom died in childbirth and dad took his own life as a result, so Ruby blames Max for their condition and treats him like total shit as a result. I bet Grandma doesnt even know the parents are dead.

    • And what about the parents of Max and Emmy! Different show, same parental issue. Poor kids have to use a talismanic dimensional portal to play outside because they're locked in their room alone all day.

      Also, apparently, they're both Canadian shows. Are all Canadian boys named Max?

  4. About a year ago I had a detailed discussion about muggle technology in the Harry Potter universe and whether Voldemort would even recognize a tank before it blew him up should he have succeeded enough to war visibly with the muggle world. The verdict was "a smart wizard could recognize a muggle weapon, but wizards in general show very little awareness of muggles at all ("a gun is something muggles use to kill each other") and Voldemort's so arrogant he'd do even less." Then the two of us who had been talking so intently got back to the card game with three other people at the table, who were all staring.

    Fun times, fun times.

    • my wife and I have had this same conversation a dozen times. How much more effective would The Order have been if they had gotten cell phones? Could a defensive charm deflect a bullet?

      • and that brings up another point I've always wondered at – Why, in so many universes, is there a "cutoff point" in technology where magic will not affect it or magic is cancelled out by it? After all, crossbows were just as much of a technological advance as the gun.

        • Does it work like that in the DC and Marvel universes, where magic and science exist side by side? A common trope I've seen in cartoons of superhero comic books is a science-based character having to confront his skepticism about magic being real (Kid Flash on Young Justice, Ultimate Spider-Man).

        • I like the Dresden approach to this. Whatever the most advanced bit of technology is, wizards screw it up. He even mentions that a couple hundred years ago, practitioners used to make milk spoil the same way.

        • I really recommend "tracking down" the leaked, unreleased pilot for Ron D. Moore's "Precinct 17." It's a police procedural set in a world where magic is the only technology. Electricity is organic and carried through vines, forensics involves casting spells on crime scenes and using a necromancer for reanimating the dead briefly to testify on their own behalf. It was a really great concept and a show I would have enjoyed.

          • This looks like a wonderful thing…
            And it was cancelled even as several other good fantasy shows were getting huge success.

  5. I can't wait until my son is old enough to read and I can get him started on A Series of Unfortunate Events. Because nothing says good children's literature like horrible things happening to kids at every turn. 😀

    • You should introduce him to Majora's Mask as well. Because nothing says E for Everyone like a planetary body destroying the world every three days, only for the hero to rise again to try to save the world again.

  6. Have you shown Kiddo the Sarah Jane Adventures yet? If not it's well worth locating them – I believe they're available on DVD in the US.

  7. I believe firmly that Dog on Word World is a disabled person living rich on government benefits. Unlike every other animal, he's unable to talk or walk upright, but he has a way bigger house than anyone else, and a room entirely filled with letters, whose value is beyond currency, being the fabric of creation itself on Word World.

  8. I shudder to think of what arguing on the Internet will be like in the future. Maybe then we'll finally be able to hook up our brains with Ethernet cables plugged into the backs of our heads and enter another world, like The Matrix or Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, but we'll just use it for petty arguments over pop-culture trivia that will turn into fist fights between out virtual avatars.

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