2015-09-15-sharksplode-consumed-by-flames

Consumed By Flames

2015-09-15-sharksplode-consumed-by-flames

“Golly gee-whiz, Nihilism Dad, you always know just what to say to make me realize how futile our petty existence, how insignificant our place in the Universe, how pointless everything we are IS. You’re the best! I’m gonna go steal from a sick person because fuck it!”

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

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2015-09-02-sharkspolode-condiment-courtesy

Condiment Courtesy

2015-09-02-sharkspolode-condiment-courtesy

Ketchup in the fridge people are no better than sock-shoe, sock-shoe people

Please check out my Patreon and throw in a a few bucks a month so that making comics can continue to be my job.

If that doesn’t suit you, how about buying yourself a nice shirt or print from my store. That’s almost entirely self-serving when you think about it. Getting yourself a present, that is. You deserve it. You did a good thing one time, and now you need a reward lest you forget why you do good deeds at all and descend into your own personal moral chaos spectrum.

2015-08-03-sharksplode-bored-on-baby

Bored On Baby

2015-08-03-sharksplode-bored-on-baby

I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals! Become a Patron now and you can help me release more eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just check out my Patreon HERE.

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About 50,000 people saw my last comic on Facebook. That’s weird. If you haven’t liked the Sharksplode page on Facebook yet, it’s HERE. It calls to you. Go to it. Be with it.

I made this comic under the assumption that all parents feel this way as their kids get older and less cute, but maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m some sort of cruel sociopath that values humor/entertainment value over substance. NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! No way. I’m great.

When my kid was younger, there were certain things she said and did that, while SUPER incorrect, were SUPER cute. These are the things we NEVER corrected her on. Calling snacks “Owms” because of the sound we’d make when we’d try to convince her something tasted good? NEVER CORRECTED. Sitting on the toilet backwards and putting the shower curtain around herself for privacy? NEVER CORRECTED. Pronouncing her last name as “Want Some” instead of “Watson”? NEVER EVER CORRECTED. When things are that cute, no matter how wrong they are, you leave them be. You let them run their natural course.

There’s something about babies that makes your brain go bananabonks. Maybe it’s the psychological effect of being ultimately validated, needed and essentially worshipped as the end-all be-all by this little, squishy bundle of poops. Or maybe it’s an evolutionary holdover that just releases a butt-cram of endorphins when you whiff that new baby smell. Something designed to make sure cave-mom and cave-dad didn’t just put the cave-baby down in the woods and walk away forever when it made too much noise.

I firmly believe this is one of the main reasons people have multiple kids. Many parents miss the validation or the newness or the warm fuzzy lizard brain good-time feels and just go, “Hey! Let’s make a new one! Then, when that one stops being tiny and helpless, we’ll make AN EVER NEWER ONE!!!” And thus, Humanity crumbled beneath the weight of 7 billion bodies, birthed simply so someone else could smell a fontanelle.

SHARKSPLODERS: What dumb and wrong things do you kids do/did YOU do as a kid that was left uncorrected for entertainment value?

 

2015-07-16-sharksplode-200-years-of-parenting

200 Years Of Parenting

2015-07-16-sharksplode-200-years-of-parenting

Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them!

HijiNKS ENSUE Store t-shirts

Sometimes, as a parent, you have to put your foot down. You have to show a little tough love. Sometimes this means seeing your child’s laptop only has 5% battery left, but you don’t plug it in. You LET it die, because you know you told your kid to plug it in when it was below 10% and they didn’t. You LET them experience an entire 8 minute car ride to the grocery store without a full screen, digital entertainment experience. You bite your lip, and power through the tears. You hold your ground and you stand firm. You FORCE them to make do with their tablet, their phone, their smart watch, their 3DS and, in case theirs dies, your phone and also your iPad and probably your Kindle Fire and maybe just bring your laptop in case the other stuff doesn’t cut it.

Hey, Honda, Chevy and whoever else is listening: You wanna make a car that absolutely EVERY SINGLE PARENT in America will buy? Regardless of the size, fuel economy or price, just make it so up to five kids can play Minecraft simultaneously in the back seats. Put in the headrests or the consoles or where the airbags used to be. I mean, something has to go to make room for all the Minecraft hardware. Don’t even bother naming it. Call it “The Car Where All The Kids Can Play Minecraft While They’re In The Car.” Don’t even show a picture of it in the ads. Just a black screen with those words. Don’t even paint it. Use those stick on letters to write “Minecraft Car” on the windshield. Other parents will crane their necks and “ooh” and “ahh” like it was a god damn Tesla. Have a second 40 gallon fuel tank that JUST powers the Minecraft server’s battery. Make it ONLY run off a mixture of premium unleaded, and in-season avocados. NO ONE WILL CARE. Stuff the seats with scorpions and replace the steering wheel with a length of loose chain. You’ll sell a MILLION of them.

Call me. We’ll talk numbers.

2015-07-15-sharksplode-barking-orders

Barking Orders

2015-07-15-sharksplode-barking-orders

Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them!

HijiNKS ENSUE Store t-shirts

I started saying the phrase in panel 2 in the booth at San Diego Comic-con this year every time someone told me to do something. I don’t know what precipitated it, but I felt if I didn’t exorcise this demon in comic form I would forever be running around screaming dumb shit at strangers. The more I think about it, this is fate that I have no real chance of escaping given my chosen profession.