Apparition Stipulation

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

More alternate subtitles for Mission Impossible 4: 

Mission Impossible 4: Ethereal Accord
Mission Impossible 4: Phantasm Arrangement
Mission Impossible 4: Spectre Covenant
Mission Impossible 4: Shadow Proclimation
Mission Impossible 4: Spooky Plan

Seriously, Tom Cruise. What is the deal with being so damned likable in movies, yet so scummy in real life? “Ghost Protocol” even SOUNDS like Scientology jargon. “Margaret has gone against Tech and become a Suppressive Personality. She’ll never achieve Operating Thetan Level 6 now. Engage Ghost Protocol!”  Regardless of Mr. Cruise’s more eccentric beliefs (specifically the ones about all humans being psychically drained by the parasitic souls of ancient aliens that were blown up in giant volcanoes billions of years ago by the galactic overlord Xenu), he makes some damn fine movies.

Well, he stars in and produces some damn fine movies, at least. I feel like the real credit for MI: 4 being an absolute joy of an action movie start to finish goes to Brad Bird and J.J. Abrams. What a freakin’ creative, ultra-geeky team, amirite? Brad Bird directed The Incredibles, which while not Pixar’s best film (that’s a toss up between WALL-E and Toy Story 3), IS there best story/ character piece. And Abrams is almost single handedly responsible for giving geeks a reason to watch TV over the last 6 or 7 years. Honestly, I had no real interest in the Mission Impossible franchise until J.J got involved. In fact, I really don’t even remember the first 2. The third installment, however, is one of my favorite action movies. Phillip Seymour Hoffman just KILLS it as the big bad. When he is telling Tom Cruise what he’s going to do to his wife and family and friends, I really felt like he was completely out of character and completely serious. Like maybe the FBI should tap his phones or something. That dude is probably a murderer. He’s at least drowned a dog or stabbed a few hoboes. Where was I? Oh, yeah. MI: 4: GP: TLDR: JKLOL is loads of fun, has at least three jump-out-of-your-seat-moments and should really be seen in the biggest possible theater (IMAX ’em if ya’ got ’em) to be fully appreciated.

COMMENTERS: Did you see Ghost Protocol? What did you think? Are you struggling with the same conflict over Tom Cruise’s good looks and charm on screen, and dirtbag space religion brainwash scheme off screen?

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  1. I've never had an issue separating good actors like Cruise from their real personalities. A good actor will make you like them in a movie in spite of being bananas bonkers. It's still perfectly possible to hate someone in real life and like them in the movies… unless they're Jim Carey because he's the SAME PERSON in all his roles.

      • Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. One of my all time favorite movies, and Jim Carrey just OWNS it. It's the movie he proves he can be a real actor. And he's a damn fine one at that. …Actor wise I mean. I don't swing that way.

  2. My feeling is as long as they done try to make me measure my Thetan levels in the lobby, I'm cool.
    Post "Chinatown" Post Teen raping Roman Polanski on the other hand, I have issues.

  3. Shadow ProclAmation…but it's still the best alternate title! I'm so obsessed with Doctor Who right now I can hardly think about anything else.

    I excited to see Ghost Protocol, even though I haven't seen any of the others. I mostly want to watch because of Simon Pegg. He is a one of the greatest nerds on the planet.

  4. No major issues with Tom "I can talk to animals" Cruise; and you're right that he's damn charming in this movie. However, I felt like the MI4:Spirit Bill falls apart in the third act; maybe because it's a bit too long (2 hours 20 minutes or so), maybe because act 2 is so damn good (hotel scene? sandstorm?) … still. Some pretty epic action, and way more fun than I was expecting it (or it had any right) to be!

  5. Tom Cruise at least had the good sense not to touch "Battlefield Earth". And by "touch" I mean "Star in and produce and drop a steaming shit on all the street cred Quinten Tarrantino built up for you and while I'm at it how did you screw up John Woo so bad I mean Jesus really."

  6. Having not seen any of the other MI movies, I can honestly say I saw this one strictly for Brad Bird, who fucking nailed it.

    Has Tom Cruise always had such a dorky run? Seriously, he runs like Kryten.

  7. I haven't seen MI3 or MI4 because I STILL feel the rage rising when I think of the raping of Mission Impossible that the first movie did! If only they could quit making movies that use the quick sell of a marketable, existing franchise and then totally fail to do anything with said title that even remotely resembles said franchise. I'm talking Mission Impossible, Around the World in 80 Days (Jackie Chan), and Abrams's own Star Trek. All of those movies (yes, even the Chan oater) would've been so much more enjoyable if they had simply been renamed and said they were "inspired by _____".

    Also, The Incredibles is clearly Pixar's most underrated effort.

  8. I too found MI4:GP to be ridiculously enjoyable. And yes, Tom Cruise has always run like a giraffe with four left feet. But damn can he jump and run and stick to really tall glass buildings (and take a serious beating) like few other actors working today. Too bad Sawyer got wasted in the first five minutes, was looking forward to watching him work on the big screen.

    On a side note, anyone else get the GI Joe 2 trailer before MI4:GP? Anyone else experience the entire theatre saying "WTF?" when Bruce Willis appeared?

  9. I can separate an actor's characters from his/her real personality – but I REFUSE to pay bat-shit crazy bastards ANY money, even through royalties. Movies that star actors I refuse to pay go on my "pirate-only" list.
    I'm sorry the crew doesn't get paid at all if any single person pirates 5 minutes of any movie ever made – but at least I can hope I'm not giving Tom Cruise my money by pirating this movie. IF I see it at all. I'm honestly not devoted to anyone attached to this film. Even Abrams makes some crap sometimes.

    • I wasn't aware that actors made "royalties". I think some of them make "residuals" if it's in their contract and their film is shown on TV.

      More than likely Mr. Cruise was a Producer on this, so that's a different paycheck than being just an actor… but afaik, actors just get paid once and that's that. If someone has clearer info on this, of course, I'm all ears.

      • Most actors get paid their flat fee which includes all of the work they have to do to get the movie made and generally all of the promotion they are required to do after it is released. Many higher up in the Hollywood chain get back end points on DVD sales, and all people that work on a film (writers, producers, actors, etc) get residuals when the movie is sold to cable or a network for TV airing. Sometimes they get paid every time the movie is shown, but that depends on how their deal was originally crafted. Guys like Cruise who are actor/producers have a much larger financial stake in the movie. Im not saying he did, but he might even waive his fee (20 million or whatever) since he stands to make even more than that if the film is profitable and the 20 million has to be made back on top of all other expenses before the film makes money.

        • Oh, right I see what you mean. If they pay him a salary up front, that becomes a filming *expense*, which then the movie has to earn back to be profitable. Never even thought about that!

      • You do realize that most people who Pirate movies/songs/etc spend ALOT more money than average when they do go see a Movie/Concert,… plus they spend more on "life" in general than your average person,…

          • You do realize this is the same thing as copying a cassette back in the day or recording a movie with a VCR,… just now they put the big scary word "Piracy" on it and people flip out. The numbers have not changed at all,… everyone speaks of loss of revenue but that same revenue was lost back when cassettes were they way to play music. Admittedly some people misuse the ability to burn music sometimes but its nowhere near the epidemic that people say it is,…again people have been copying music and movies for decades ,…..

            • It was illegal years ago to distribute a VCR recorded movie or copied cassette tape. They didn't enforce it as much back then because it was harder for people to distribute copies in a manner that would damage the earnings of the companies distributing the films or music unlike today where people upload stolen films or albums online and millions of people can download them. Once again you've made absurd claims about piracy not being a big deal without backing it up with any hard evidence. Your argument makes as much sense as someone who gets caught after shooting someone in the leg and justifies it by saying, "It isn't a big deal because I didn't shoot him in the face!".

                Since Silvermane is obviously a Swedish name, you are infringing upon his right to practice religion freely. How DARE you, sir!? Bonus: How about kudos for tying piracy arguments back into the original theme of crazy cults? 😀
                Also, I believe NPR recently did a survey showing that the vast majority of US citizens were ok with piracy. As a law is the codified rules based on the general consensus of the governed in a particular society, and not with any inherant morality of its own, I'm sure that railing against piracy and marijuana use (another illegal activity getting more and more support from the general population) will soon look quite silly.

              • Actually these "Piracy" laws or similar were enacted waaaaaaay back in the 80s soon after the VCR was commercially available. The reason no one followed up on it was the same then as it is now,…"personal use" clauses,… as long as you are not using the copy to make money the law is a fine only and prosecuting for "personal use" costs more than they gain. Buring a copy onto your computer to listen to there is very different ten making copies and selling them.

                  • You'll know when you've stolen something when the person you've stolen it from doesn't have it anymore.
                    The idea that you've "taken" something from someone when you torrent is based on the irrational assumption that, if you hadn't, you would have instead gone down to the mall and spent $20 on it, which is almost never actually true. All Tom Cruise McHandsomepants lost from this guy was the theoretical potential that "demonchylde" would have instead blown a stack of cash on a movie with someone he is apparently morally opposed to. Since that likelihood is probably zero, that's probably what Cruise lost.
                    Hey, you support the artists you like. That's really great. So do I. But maybe you can find a good forum somewhere else for being oversimplistic and self-righteous, and just come here for jokes about penises and Doctor Who, and Doctor Who's penises.

              • I think a big problem with America is people equating an illegal download with SHOOTING SOMEONE. I assure you they are two different acts. You're just going to have to take my word for it.
                Also, he wasn't "caught": he just told you himself. Because he doesn't care.
                Speaking of a "sense of superiority"…

        • So what you're saying is that piracy is OK because pirates spend more on "life"? No, if you're not prepared to pay for something (that is asking for payment) then you shouldn't benefit from it, hence you shouldn't see/have it.

          And if you were truly against Tom Cruise as you claim to be, you wouldn't watch the movie in the first place. You are basically using your 'convictions' as an excuse for piracy.

      • "You can't have a sense of superiority if you pirate things because you are a thief."

        So as long as I'm not a thief I CAN have a sense of superiority if I pirate things?
        If you pirate things because you are a thief, you can't have a sense of superiority.

        My point is, I refuse to pay for Tom Cruise movies. He's not worth the money.

          • Are you talking about the cutthroats and murderers that hijack ships or are you talking about copyright law as it is written and interpreted by the media conglomerates?
            One involves actual loss of property and life – the other is a loss of ephemeral profits for a supposed non-sale of a nonexistent product. Also – don't mention the artists – they get anything out of the deal – the independents even less so. The music/film industry is a gold mine – the company execs get the gold and the artists get the toxic sludge filled hole in the ground.

              • He has an "excuse" for his philosophies. Do you? Have you or someone you love been personally harmed by that guy? Do you have a reason that he is immoral other than "because"?

        • Then you shouldn't watch his films at all, regardless of whether you paid for it or it was free (like on tv). If you are SO against him, why would you subject yourself to his vileness by watching his film at all?

          • Well, thats sort of what this comic is about. I can't stand him as a person. He's at the top of a descpicable organization that keeps people in slavery at sea against their will, brainwashes people in order to steal their money, condemns the use of mental illness medications… the list goes on and on. Yet I was still entertained by the movie. It's a moral conundrum.

    • Uh, no, it doesnt work like that. You dont get to watch movies you dont pay for and still feel morally superior. You dont want to support Cruises movies? Then you dont watch them. PERIOD.

    • I shall comply with the Great and Powerful Oz [better known as the Artist of this here comic] and let the whole "piracy" debate go. It is one of those issues that does polarize fans and this is not quite the pace to get into it. I will leave it off with this,….. what with my whole argument that "piracy" is not a black and white issue it is kind of ironic that I portray a Pirate at RenFaires that I vend at,……

  10. if you liked Philip S. Hoffman in that, I HIGHLY recommend The Talented Mr. Ripley. He is soooooo good & creepy in it!

  11. I just hope that Brad Bird has opened the door for more animation directors to do live action films. I want a live action DC superhero movie from Bruce Timm damn it!

        • Then maybe WB should let Bruce Timm do a big budget (at least $15 million) feature length (90 minutes or more) animated movie (that gets a full theater release).

          Also, the DCAU has a lot of talented people that WB should use for their live action movies. At the very least, they should get the DCAU people involved in the writing process for their films.

  12. Tom Cruise's weird personal beliefs used to bother me more than they do. (They never bothered me THAT much, I am a live and let live kinda guy.) But then two things happened.

    1. The Last Samurai – How do you not love that movie? And yes, MI:4 makes me feel the same way. (Brad Bird!)
    2. Mel Gibson went off the rails. Compared to Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise is my bestest bud. Scientologist > Racist, Homophobic Wife-Beater

    • So Cruises open and enthusiastic support for an abusive scam reliigion that denies care to the mentally ill is a-okay with you then? You can love his movies, but he's still a horrible person.

  13. what the hell are you two doing there? All I know is that it's awesome. I imagined that you were actually returning a movie stealthily because you didn't want people to know that you had ever taken it out of circulation…

    Anyway, I have yet to see MIGP but I plan on it but I am having those same feelings about Rock of Ages where Tom Cruise is going to play Stacey Jaxx, a rock star along with Alec Baldwin and Russel Brand. It's a musical about Rock vs people who hate rock and I'm going to fucking love it, inspite of it starring The Defender of the Faith, Holy Galactic Space Bishop Cruise.

      • I asumed that they were trying to invade Amy Pond's house and question her on the whereabouts of the Doctor. I certainly haven't done that before. Or maybe they had shrunk and were stealing the Declaration of Independence and then pee on it to discover some secret message.

  14. As long as they don't molest children I can ignore Tom Cruise's and Mel Gibson's dickholery for the fine movies they make.

  15. I just saw it today and was equally disturbed by how much I liked Tom Cruise. I'm also really looking forward to Rock of Ages including him being in it. I just don't get how someone can nail one facet of life so well and fail so completely in another simultaneously.

  16. Am I the only one that left watching the movie feeling exhausted. It felt like 2 hours of Tom Cruise running. and the car chase was ridiculous. Really, I'm gonna run this car into your car head on while we're doing at least 70mph, but I'm gonna jump out before impact and be fine. You're gonna stay in your car, which flips 3 or 4 times, and get out and start running away before I have a chance to stand up and walk over to the mangled pile of wreckage that you just walked away from with a scratch on your nose. /rant

  17. I was already tempted by the thought of Simon Pegg being all bad-ass sexy with a gun, and now I may really pay the exorbitant amount to see it.

  18. Being a brainwashing attacker of the mentally ill in real life maybe why, as good as an actor Tom Cruise is as a hero, he even better as a villain though (Troppic Thunder, Collateral, The Color of Money – kind of).

  19. Fool, money, soon parted. That about wraps it up for Scientology. "Let's find folks with lots of dough and empty lives and … shit, we'll just make this up on the fly."

    I'd rather praise "Bob" on my feet than fear Xenu on my knees!

  20. I don't consider him to be a good actor, so nope, my opinions about him don't conflict with watching any of his movies.

    • I never said he was a good actor. Well, he's good but not great. He is, however, in some very enjoyable movies.

  21. Personally, I make it an issue to never, EVER, support any actor or creator of any kind whom I find utterly repulsive in real life. So no Tom Cruise movies for me, ever. Thats a personal moral though.

  22. Pegg: Ok someone has to jump from building to building to get the proper connections for this….

    *Cruise and group look at Pegg*

    Pegg: O not me…. I have to maintain this….here….. on this computer….

    Simon Pegg makes everything funnier……

  23. BTW Joel did you catch the season ending episode of the Nerdist on BBC America with Wheaton, Fillion, and Weird Al? How isn't this show on SyFy or Comedy Central????

  24. Nope, can't say I want to give him my money. There's plenty of other good movies I can spend my money on and feel good about. I didn't even like him before his personal religious beliefs made me ansy. He doesn't come across as warm and likeable to me, he's always had these eyes that don't quite look like they're smiling, very smarmy and fake.

  25. No matter the art form, I try to separate the artist's work from their personal lives. Now, if Tom Cruise were to do a movie promoting Scientology I'd just ignore it. As I would any artist who did a work I found offensive. But I think it's easy to enjoy a person's work as an actor or a painter and think they were a total whack head "in real life." Most actors seem to be total assholes in real life (cast of Firefly seems to be an amazing exception. Among others I'm sure).

    Oh and Joel, I love who you have the most random (and often unexplained) things going on with your characters in your comic. It really adds to the whole experience of your comic. Like adding more vodka gravy to the pot of thanksgiving leftover soup.

    • ", I love who you have the most random (and often unexplained) things going on with your characters in your comic."

      Glad you noticed and thanks! I feel guilty sometimes just having everyone standing around talking.

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