The big giant mega blowout HE Store sale is over, and we are putting the final touches on the new HE store which will soon (like probably October 1st) live HERE.
UPDATE ON THE FANCY DIGITAL SKETCH DRIVE: If you are still waiting on your Fancy Digital Sketch, I am SUPER BACKLOGGED on these. I am very sorry it’s taking so long. Doing 50+ original pieces of finished art always sounds easy, until you agree to do it and take money for it. I am working through them, but if you need yours urgently, feel free to let me know via email.
COMMENTERS: You get what Denise is saying, right? I mean, you GET IT, right… man? What’s the best/most confusion drunksplanation you’ve ever gotten/given? Since they are basically the same, what’s the best childsplanation (a kid trying to explain something complicated to you, giving little to no context or discernible facts) you’ve ever received?
When my daughter was 4 she had a playdate with a friend and they watched a movie. She tried to tell us what the movie was in the car on the way home. There was a man who was dead, but not all the time. And a girl who didn’t know she was really a princes and the bad man did a spell. It went on like that for 20 minutes before I realized the man who was not always dead was Rasputin and the movie was Anastasia.
PACMAN NECKLACE! WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA…
This is my wife’s birthday week! Celebrate it by buying yourself a present from her Etsy store “Science and Fiction.” Check out her her latest geeky creation, a Pacman inspired necklace!
To be fair, Anastasia was a pretty screwed-up movie.I’ve always thought that the human brain on drugs and the human brain on theoretical physics were remarkably similar, just with more math. I imagine the first guy to think of string theory went like this:
“Okay, OKAY…shh, shhh, okay, what if…what if everything, like, EVERYTHING, was made of strings, man? Like, tiny little strings? And all the strings (heeheehee), all the strings were VIBRATING?!”
Adrian · 90 weeks agoMy wife was a little loopy, but decided that would be better than being in super panic attack mode, and she sat down we me and a bunch of friends to watch Teeth. That one movie where the lady has shark teeth, y’know, down there. Well there is a scene where she dives into a lake with a guy friend and my wife innocently asks, “I wonder if her teeth are chattering.” I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.
seriously · 90 weeks agoOne time I was expecting an important phone call and had to leave the house for a few minutes. I figured they’d leave a message on my machine and that would be that.
Turns out in the fifteen minutes I was gone my sister-in-law dropped by with my 5 year old nephew to visit. And the expected phone call happened. My nephew answered the phone before she could stop him and he fervently promised whoever was on the other end he’d give me the message.
Yeah, turns out five year olds can’t take phone messages for shit.
His version of what was said basically boiled down to: “The man said to see the lady Monday, at um….I forget. But to call him back at exception um…seven hundred something. And I think his name was Lou.”
Luckily I was able to get a hold of “Lou”, whose real name was Albert, the appointment was for a Wednesday, the extension was 435, and he’d never said anything about a lady in the phone call at all.
Zee · 90 weeks agoI remember babysitting a five year old, and her three year old sister. The five year old went to the bathroom, and after a while, I thought she’d been gone for too long. I knocked, and she opened the door, and there was a giant puddle all over the tile. It had appeared that she filled a shoebox with water (and a rubber duckie), and then put it on the floor, where it proceeded to leak everywhere. I asked her why she had ton this, and she said that she had “accidentally, but on purpose” put the water on the floor. We went through several different variations on this, but it was always “accidentally on purpose”.
After about the third or fourth iteration, I realized that this was a child’s way of saying, “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time…” laughed, and got a mop.Part of my brother’s cerebral palsy is a pretty severe speech impediment. Most of the time, I can understand, but if he’s really trying to get across a concept he will use description that only makes sense once you understand the context. This leads to fun conversations like this:
Me: What? Are you talking about the news? (this was around the time of that chemical bomb attack in Syria and the news was on)
B: No. Bombs in the air.
Me: I have no idea. What are we talking about?
B: My birthday. Bombs in the air.
It transpired he was asking if he could have FIREWORKS (because they’re bombs in the air, of course) on his birthday because it’s his 30th. He couldn’t say that because he doesn’t do w or k very well with his impediment, so he improvised.A lot of the actual conversation is lost to me, as it was me trying to explain.. I was visiting a friend and we were drinking quite a bit when I got out a bag of cookies I had brought (ziploc baggie with about 10 cookies in it?) I had a bit too much to drink, and blacked out and thought it had only been about 10 seconds when it had been about 5 minutes. All but 2 of the cookies were gone. At this point I called my female friend a fatass and got angry she had eaten all my cookies.
lou · 89 weeks agoI think I’m better at explaining things when I’m drunk, because I’m just more talkative than when I’m sober, and as I hear myself, more witty and charming. I have dubbed this “The Bond Effect”.I feel the same way. I’m extremely talkative as it is, and Im VERY comfortable speaking in front of large groups of people, but after a few drinks I am just ON. I find the part of my brain that can do quick joke calculations and rapid fire comebacks, and joke tags performs at peak efficiency when slightly lubricated. Then a few more drinks and I just get reeeeeeallly quiet.My best explanation was not given under the influence of alcohol, but instead on a medication that made me forget words. I explained all of quantum mechanics to an english major without using a single physics term (because I couldn’t remember any). Apparently it was so impressive that 6 years later he (and my friends who witnessed it) still speak of it.