If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!
My wife reminded me that last week was the 3 year anniversary of The Experiment. Wow. I have no idea how that happened (or how it continues to happen every day). You can read more about The Experiment HERE, show your support by DONATING HERE or purchase something delightful for yourself HERE. You can also read my 2 year Experimentiversary write up HERE. Thanks again for allowing me to continue this wonderful and fulfilling job.
Oh yeah, I snuck in a Lo-Fi Comic HERE.
OMG this comic is so dumb. I’m sorry. Sometimes I get these horribly pointless ideas stuck in my head and I have to expunge them from my brains and onto your eyes, dearest Internet, before I can move on and grow as a person. A couple of nights ago I was watching TV and kept seeing two commercials. One about how kids HATE being forced to eat delicious Pop-Tarts and LOVE being forced to eat delicious, but infinitely more complicated Toaster Strudels. If there’s one thing I know about kids (having been one and currently being the owner of one), it’s that they DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want delicious, icing coated cake-pastries for breakfast… unless they are Toaster Strudels brand. They’re alway like, “AWWW MANNNN! Pop-Tarts again?! COCKS TO THAT! Gimme some’o those Toaster Strudels with the infuriating icing packet!”
The other commercial was about this vat covered in knobs and dials that you could cook an entire turkey in. It was like a crock-pot, but for turkeys. Somehow it was better than an oven. Maybe it’s one of those deals where you find yourself cooking 7 or 8 whole turkeys a week and need to free the oven up for less poultry endeavors.
Somehow or another those two adverts made a stupid commercial baby in my brain hole and now you can [enjoy?] it.
UPDATE: See the alternate facial expression for Josh’s “awakening” in this post in The Vault [subscribers only]. You can also download several different avatars for Josh’s face from the final panel.
I agree, it was ham-fisted at best.
you may be right, but don't we all enjoy it when Joel really hams it up now and then?
It would help if Josh wasn't such a turkey …….. wait no that didn't work.
So this is the machine Josh stuck his arm in to make the Bacon arm, interesting.
This should be patented, because I think the Honeybaked mafia is going to try to break some ham bones to get it in their possession…
I think this is a very important question: what DOES happen if you put a ham in the Food Hammer? Does it increase in size, or does in increase in hamminess, and what would that taste like?
what if you put a whole ham in the Food Hammer AND THEN put the Food Hammer in a larger Food Hammer?
You get a ham tesseract, which is not only nearly infinitely tasty, but tasty across mutiple dimensions.
It requires the machine to divide by zero and opens a portal to a neighboring dimension, allowing you to walk across and steal doritos from your own kitchen…oh, and causes the two dimensions to collide and annihilate one another.
So, at any point during either of those commercials, did the words "deep-fried toaster strudel" cross your mind? If not, then I am sorely disappointed in you.
hmmm.. arent they already fried? Could they be twice-fried?
It's like dividing by 0.
The best future use of the maybe-recently-to-be-discovered Hamms Bac-on particle.
You're fired forever. From friendship.
Oh god… Piggs Boson…
Im so sorry.
They can find it using an amalgamation of this and the Large Ham-dron Collider.
Wow, apparently not the first to come up with "Large Ham-dron Collider". That's…disconcerting.
It is true that the Ham-mer uses streams of elementery ham particles know a Puarks. Using all six flavors of Puarks (Salty, Fatty, Smokey, Hickory, Honey cured, and Delicious) in the right combination will hamify anything.
That last panel is the best panel of all panels ever made in the history of panels.
I think it would make a great desktop or avatar image. Or just a general reply to something someone says. Man, now I want it as a screensaver for my phone too.
You open a DOOR to the HA-MULTIVERSE!
Please please please tell us we get to see the HAMmered ham!
I can only imagine the pork goodness.
I don't know what you mean. This is AWESOME. Where can I buy one?
I believe the answer to the question posed in the comic is that bombarding a ham with ham particles would inevitably create a ham singularity or "hamgularity".
This is correct.
Large Hamdron Collider
Hami Labs ham particle accelerator
Seriously, I would pay handsome currency for an avatar version of me like the last panel. The childlike wonder, the mystery.
Ill put an avatar of it in The Vault. http://vault.hijinksensue.com
Noooooooo! I was genuinely poised to Google a retail outlet for this wondrous device, when the horrifying truth dawned on me.
…that such a device would be far too dangerous to be allowed into the hands of mortal man?
This is how I felt when I put Bacon Salt onto bacon.
But what of pork?
Really nice job on the lighting in the last panel. It's reminiscent of the old Star Trek when the light would fall just over their eyes.
I actually rip off that old trick all the time. I love how it conveys a certain emotion but it could NEVER happen in the real world.
Perhaps another important question is what happens to Hamn when placed in this device, does it become real ham, or does it end the world?
The collision of the pure forces of the Holy Ham Particles and the Hideous Heinous Hamn summons the Four Horsepigs of the Hampocalypse, bringing about the End of Bacon and Hammedgeddon. The first pig to ride will be Porkquest, and turn the livestock against one another until the swine reign over all tasty creatures. The second pig to ride will be Lard, and turn the animals against their human captors, the pigs once again proving victorious and bringing the world together under their iron hoof. The third pig to ride will be Hamine, and the world over will starve under their Commuswine leaders, leaving few behind. The fourth pig to ride will be Josh, annihilating the last of the swine with his insatiable appetite and leading the Hams of Hell against the few remaining non-tasty creatures.
its like that thing where you sit on your hand until its numb then you jack off. Except it destroys all of creation.
It's scary how much the last image in the panels captures the essence of Josh in a moment of discovery. I had to check him while he was sleeping to make sure his Katra was still in there this morning… and that you'd not extracted it to bring this comic to life. Thankfully, the essence of Johsiness was intact. I'm a bit rusty on the Fal Tor Pan…and I'm not sure where my Book of Vulcan Rituals is at the moment.
Big Win, Joel… must have this panel for my desk.
The HAM-mer is my penis.
I can't believe it took this long for me to finally get Ghandi'd
My god you evil geniuses, but how will you get around the pickle matrix when a burger is thrown into the machine
That last panel has infinite possibilities of good captions
i encourage you to explore those possibilities.
The Food Hammer looks a lot like the "thought maker" device that Daimon Bok used on Captain Picard in the TNG episode "The Battle". My guess is that if a ham were ever put inside of it, it would cause everyone in its proximity to begin performing the Picard Maneuver.
Good call. It really does.
God dammit people, read the ALT tag. Hover. HOVER!
But I'm on an iPad… I swish my finger over the pic and just get smudgy
I just want to sincerely thank your for the line: "free oven up for less poultry endeavors."
True genius sometimes happens outside the comic.
Glad somebody appreciated that pun.
Captain Hammer indeed – Fillion has been replaced.
I'm serious. If you google the word "google," it will BREAK THE INTERNET.
Your mobius strip of hammy doom reminds me of the IT Crowd.