A Moment Of Realization

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

Ewok Stare T-Shirt from HijiNKS ENSUE

My wife reminded me that last week was the 3 year anniversary of The Experiment. Wow. I have no idea how that happened (or how it continues to happen every day). You can read more about The Experiment HERE, show your support by DONATING HERE or purchase something delightful for yourself HERE. You can also read my 2 year Experimentiversary write up HERE. Thanks again for allowing me to continue this wonderful and fulfilling job.

Oh yeah, I snuck in a Lo-Fi Comic HERE.

OMG this comic is so dumb. I’m sorry. Sometimes I get these horribly pointless ideas stuck in my head and I have to expunge them from my brains and onto your eyes, dearest Internet, before I can move on and grow as a person. A couple of nights ago I was watching TV and kept seeing two commercials. One about how kids HATE being forced to eat delicious Pop-Tarts and LOVE being forced to eat delicious, but infinitely more complicated Toaster¬†Strudels. If there’s one thing I know about kids (having been one and currently being the owner of one), it’s that they DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want delicious, icing coated cake-pastries for breakfast… unless they are Toaster Strudels brand. They’re alway like, “AWWW MANNNN! Pop-Tarts again?! COCKS TO THAT! Gimme some’o those Toaster Strudels with the infuriating icing packet!”

The other commercial was about this vat covered in knobs and dials that you could cook an entire turkey in. It was like a crock-pot, but for turkeys. Somehow it was better than an oven. Maybe it’s one of those deals where you find yourself cooking 7 or 8 whole turkeys a week and need to free the oven up for less poultry¬†endeavors.

Somehow or another those two adverts made a stupid commercial baby in my brain hole and now you can [enjoy?] it.

UPDATE: See the alternate facial expression for Josh’s “awakening” in this post in The Vault [subscribers only]. You can also download several different avatars for Josh’s face from the final panel.


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    • This should be patented, because I think the Honeybaked mafia is going to try to break some ham bones to get it in their possession…

  1. I think this is a very important question: what DOES happen if you put a ham in the Food Hammer? Does it increase in size, or does in increase in hamminess, and what would that taste like?

      • You get a ham tesseract, which is not only nearly infinitely tasty, but tasty across mutiple dimensions.

    • It requires the machine to divide by zero and opens a portal to a neighboring dimension, allowing you to walk across and steal doritos from your own kitchen…oh, and causes the two dimensions to collide and annihilate one another.

  2. So, at any point during either of those commercials, did the words "deep-fried toaster strudel" cross your mind? If not, then I am sorely disappointed in you.

    • I think it would make a great desktop or avatar image. Or just a general reply to something someone says. Man, now I want it as a screensaver for my phone too.

  3. Noooooooo! I was genuinely poised to Google a retail outlet for this wondrous device, when the horrifying truth dawned on me.

  4. Really nice job on the lighting in the last panel. It's reminiscent of the old Star Trek when the light would fall just over their eyes.

    • I actually rip off that old trick all the time. I love how it conveys a certain emotion but it could NEVER happen in the real world.

  5. Perhaps another important question is what happens to Hamn when placed in this device, does it become real ham, or does it end the world?

    • The collision of the pure forces of the Holy Ham Particles and the Hideous Heinous Hamn summons the Four Horsepigs of the Hampocalypse, bringing about the End of Bacon and Hammedgeddon. The first pig to ride will be Porkquest, and turn the livestock against one another until the swine reign over all tasty creatures. The second pig to ride will be Lard, and turn the animals against their human captors, the pigs once again proving victorious and bringing the world together under their iron hoof. The third pig to ride will be Hamine, and the world over will starve under their Commuswine leaders, leaving few behind. The fourth pig to ride will be Josh, annihilating the last of the swine with his insatiable appetite and leading the Hams of Hell against the few remaining non-tasty creatures.

    • its like that thing where you sit on your hand until its numb then you jack off. Except it destroys all of creation.

  6. It's scary how much the last image in the panels captures the essence of Josh in a moment of discovery. I had to check him while he was sleeping to make sure his Katra was still in there this morning… and that you'd not extracted it to bring this comic to life. Thankfully, the essence of Johsiness was intact. I'm a bit rusty on the Fal Tor Pan…and I'm not sure where my Book of Vulcan Rituals is at the moment.

    Big Win, Joel… must have this panel for my desk.

  7. My god you evil geniuses, but how will you get around the pickle matrix when a burger is thrown into the machine

  8. The Food Hammer looks a lot like the "thought maker" device that Daimon Bok used on Captain Picard in the TNG episode "The Battle". My guess is that if a ham were ever put inside of it, it would cause everyone in its proximity to begin performing the Picard Maneuver.

  9. I just want to sincerely thank your for the line: "free oven up for less poultry endeavors."

    True genius sometimes happens outside the comic.

  10. I'm serious. If you google the word "google," it will BREAK THE INTERNET.

    Your mobius strip of hammy doom reminds me of the IT Crowd.

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