200 Years Of Parenting

Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them!

HijiNKS ENSUE Store t-shirts

Sometimes, as a parent, you have to put your foot down. You have to show a little tough love. Sometimes this means seeing your child’s laptop only has 5% battery left, but you don’t plug it in. You LET it die, because you know you told your kid to plug it in when it was below 10% and they didn’t. You LET them experience an entire 8 minute car ride to the grocery store without a full screen, digital entertainment experience. You bite your lip, and power through the tears. You hold your ground and you stand firm. You FORCE them to make do with their tablet, their phone, their smart watch, their 3DS and, in case theirs dies, your phone and also your iPad and probably your Kindle Fire and maybe just bring your laptop in case the other stuff doesn’t cut it.

Hey, Honda, Chevy and whoever else is listening: You wanna make a car that absolutely EVERY SINGLE PARENT in America will buy? Regardless of the size, fuel economy or price, just make it so up to five kids can play Minecraft simultaneously in the back seats. Put in the headrests or the consoles or where the airbags used to be. I mean, something has to go to make room for all the Minecraft hardware. Don’t even bother naming it. Call it “The Car Where All The Kids Can Play Minecraft While They’re In The Car.” Don’t even show a picture of it in the ads. Just a black screen with those words. Don’t even paint it. Use those stick on letters to write “Minecraft Car” on the windshield. Other parents will crane their necks and “ooh” and “ahh” like it was a god damn Tesla. Have a second 40 gallon fuel tank that JUST powers the Minecraft server’s battery. Make it ONLY run off a mixture of premium unleaded, and in-season avocados. NO ONE WILL CARE. Stuff the seats with scorpions and replace the steering wheel with a length of loose chain. You’ll sell a MILLION of them.

Call me. We’ll talk numbers.

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .


  1. Great Comic, but did Lily have to endure any bad singing or radio programming or a car with roll up windows? Did she have to pick at that stuff that has been suck to the back seat since she could remember? Did she desperately try to make contact with other more privileged kids in back seats who did charge their batteries? Or does she know the pain of trying 17 different AA batteries all of which are dead for some reason?

    • This comic is 100% based on reality. She’s ALWAYS had a magical portable entertainment device. I told her recently that on long car trips I used to squint my eyes so the traffic lights blurred and looked like lasers. I would pretend I was destroying other cars with my mind. THAT’s how I entertained myself in the car. With my own dumb eyeballs. Now she laments the choice of JUST taking her iPad or taking her iPad, iPod and/or laptop every time we leave the house.

  2. I would buy the hell out of that car. As it is we have the kids’ two computers, and between them a guest computer for when friends come over to play Minecraft with them. We also have my and my husband’s computers playing with them, and a small neighbourhood MC server.

    For my son’s tenth birthday we hosted a MC LAN party with one or two of the kids bringing along laptops to play on as well. It was awesome. We still have several “Happy Birthday”‘s partially constructed out of blocks in the server from one of the games we played in there. Plus I made a Minecraft cake.


  3. I’d buy that car and I don’t even have kids. Of course, then my husband and I would fight to see who got to ride in the back seat every time we go anywhere. It’ll be totally worth it in the end.

Leave a Reply