My Ewok Stare shirts are only $15 while they last! 

Guys, Phoenix is phucking hot. It’s just a phact. Phoenix is hotter than Texas. Another phact. That ANYWHERE ON EARTH can be hotter than Texas and still sustain life is a testament to the tenacity of the human spirit with regards to defying nature and common sense to colonize a sweltering, lifeless desert. Between the heat and the escalating racism, it’s like Phoenix is trying to bite Texas’s whole style.

The ONLY embellishment in this comic is that Phoenix doesn’t have any birds because they all died. Also, David didn’t quite die. He wanted to, but I wouldn’t allow it. I needed him to help me take our booth apart after the convention.

COMMENTERS: What is the MOST BRUTAL heat you’ve ever been in? For me it was probably in highschool during marching band practice. We’d lose two weeks of summer vacation to prance around on asphalt in 105 degree weather at 98% humidity with zero shade and zero places to sit down that weren’t capable of producing 3rd degree burns. Add to that holding 15 pounds of brass in your hands and forcefully expelling all of your superheated oxygen through a tube, and it makes for a pretty abismal experience.

Comments (35)

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Liam · 107 weeks ago

The humidity in the South is terrible. It is all moisture and as soon as you step outside you can feel it.

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1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 107 weeks ago

Agree with that. I exchanged Ohio-class lake effect snow and the two seasons of the year (Winter/Construction) for 108 degree summers with enough humidity to make we want to move to Phoenix just so I wouldn’t have to deal with sweat in hot weather.

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jujyfruit0· 107 weeks ago

I’ve lived in the PNW my whole life, so I’m basically part salamander. Which means I’m uncomfortable in any temperatures above 80 and any humidity lower than 90%. That said, I find heat ANYWHERE but hear to be bearable, because y’all are prepared for it. AC abounds, so its easy to get away from.

I once had a job canvassing in PDX, in 95 degree heat, during THE hottest part of the day, and I literally couldn’t carry enough water with me to keep from passing out. At one point I think I stopped asking for donations & just asked if I could lie in peoples sprinklers.

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Devin Noel · 107 weeks ago

Kuwait 110-120 F. Antiperspirant was useless, deodorant only slightly less so.

The best was the sandstorms. You are soaked in sweat about 4 steps from the door, then the blowing sand & stuff turns the sweat to mud the some concrete like substance.

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@joescreenwriter · 107 weeks ago

Well, on my first day in Las Vegas in 2005, it was 127 degrees. That was the most brutal dry heat I’ve ever experienced. And for the record, 100 or more is hot…wet, dry or frozen!__Also, I too suffered the death march of summer band camp. However, the worst bandisaster was during a band trip to Florida and the Bahamas–marching on the big island, 105 and 90% humidity (and I was also carrying all the brass…damned susaphone!). We had people dropping with sunstroke, dehydration and I’m pretty sure a few just gave up and died. __Heat is bad.

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1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

StephC · 107 weeks ago

I know the feeling. I’m from WNY, and our biggest band season is field band in the Fall when it regularly snows later in the season. That being said, our jackets were dark navy and weighed about 7 lbs so we wouldn’t freeze. We would always go on band trips in the Spring and once went to Florida with those jackets. And the weekends around Memorial day were always Spring competitions…and warm.

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seriously · 107 weeks ago

Worst summer job I ever had was working as a theme park mascot in 100+ weather.
You couldn’t take the head off for ANY reason once you stepped into the park, you only got two 30 minute breaks, and my boss frowned upon us using our lunch breaks to soak in the pool to cool down.

I lasted two and a half weeks.

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@Kisai · 107 weeks ago

I could not stand to be outside in Dallas, Texas until the sun went down (in the middle of summer.)
Las Vegas I couldn’t stand to be outside, even after the sun went down. How do you people not catch fire down south?

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1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

josh· 107 weeks ago

very, very carefully.

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furrbear· 107 weeks ago

I have to disagree about dry vs. damp heat; at least with dry heat it’s theoretically possible to just keep drinking water, iced tea, etc. to stay hydrated, and if there’s a bit of a breeze it feels less hot than it is. If it’s humid, though … nothing but electrically-powered comfort (A/C and/or dehumidifiers) will help, otherwise you just freaking steam to death. [And anyone who looks down on Mexican culture for the siesta – that is, not working during the most viciously hot part of the day – is a freakin’ idiot.]

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1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

lou · 107 weeks ago

We need siestas here in America. They sound awesome!

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Lynne · 107 weeks ago

The past eight summers I’ve worked at an outdoor day camp in the DFW area, and the hottest I’ve ever been was one day when it was 106 but humid enough that the heat index was 115. We canceled all activities not involving water, set up sprinklers all over camp so the kids could play in them when not swimming or doing the slip-n-slide, and didn’t have our afternoon staff meeting for the first time in camp history. The best part was that I had to direct traffic out in our parking lot during pickup, where we literally fried an egg on the asphalt once the cars had left. I have pretty good heat tolerance, but that was absolutely miserable.

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Stephanie · 107 weeks ago

Any time I think it might br “too hot” I just think back to that February when it was minus 40 and the heater in my car broke and I had to drive with the windows open or the front window would freeze over on the inside and I’d have to scrape ice off of the inside at stop lights…

There’s no such thing as too hot out.

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chris · 107 weeks ago

An Ohioan here… we really do get the worst of both worlds. Freezing cold winters, and 90+degrees, 90% humidity summers. Hooray!

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1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 107 weeks ago

The heat lasts for about 2 days between winter storms, or de-slush time/slush up time as well.

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tudza · 107 weeks ago

I had the heaves once, but it was OK because it was the dry heaves.

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Paul · 107 weeks ago

I was in Phoenix once to hear a morning DJ declare “It’s going to be cool today, 90 degrees” and to find out the Phoenix Zoo ships out their aquatic animals during the summer because they can’t keep the water cool enough for them.

The WATER is too hot for life in Phoenix.

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benthorp· 107 weeks ago

I have a photo of a thermometer in the shadows under the eaves of the kitchen building at the orphanage in Mozambique where I spent a week showing 50 degC (122F). It was hot. Although we were relatively near to the coast, so there was a breeze for some of the time, so I coped.

I also spent a week in Tunisia on holiday with teh wife a number of years ago. Burnt the tops of my feet on the first day. They went purple. Spent most of the week in a long-sleeve t-shirt, trousers, socks and shoes, seeking out air conditioning. Even went riding on a camel into the Sahara. Don’t know the exact temp, but it was decidedly warm…

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Stephen · 107 weeks ago

My band director had the sense (as much as he hated it) to move our rehearsals inside when the a Judge told the schools that they couldn’t work their students outside. It was only like 101 though. We could have made it. LOW BRASS FOREVER!

P.S. I live in Mississippi, where it is almost always 90+% humidity. While I understand that you have no desire to be baked in an oven (and neither do I), we would love to get a little dry heat every once and a while.

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1 reply · active 106 weeks ago

Allen · 106 weeks ago

Oh damn. I remember summers in marching band practice (Trombone player here). I also remember the heat causing me to have dizzy spells twice.

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Lawrence · 107 weeks ago

Golan Heights in Israel in July. it was 105 in the shade and super humid. No A/C, and fans just made it worse. I just tried not to move. I wanted to kill myself, but that would have required moving.

And dry heat is much more tolerable because of a little thing called evaporative cooling. The next year I was in Vegas for two days with highs of 112. It was beautiful.

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1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

LazyDolphin· 107 weeks ago

Gotta agree — an 83 degree humid summer day here in New York is absolutely more miserable than a dry 98 degree day in Arizona.

Although 112 is damn hot, no matter how little moisture is in the air

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scarlettb · 107 weeks ago

El Paso, Texas. August. 112 degrees. Outdoor wedding. Polyester bridesmaid’s dress.

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1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

sedula· 107 weeks ago

Kill Bill????

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tomspeelman· 107 weeks ago

Several years ago, I was at an outdoor softball tournament in Indianapolis in 112 degree heat. I got second degree burns on my nose and now for the rest of my life, I have to put sunscreen on it every time I go outside lest I get cancer.

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Dan · 107 weeks ago

I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.

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Spacey · 107 weeks ago

Ages ago back in HS I was in a marching band that played in a parade in Vegas. While everyone else was passing out I was doing fairly well since I grew up just outside Phoenix.

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Mark · 107 weeks ago

It was about 115 in Baghdad during the summer, and I was usually sitting in the turret of a Bradley Fighting Vehicle wearing an OTV (flak vest)….so about 120+ degrees Fahrenheit. Think that was bad? At least I usually had my hatch open so I could feel a breeze, the dismount troops in the back didn’t even have that.

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Nephaline · 107 weeks ago

Rarely get high temperatures in the Canadian Prairies, but one summer there was a week of 44 Celsius with high humidity. Thankfully I had air conditioning.

The worst heat I can remember when travelling, was in Texas in June back in the 80’s. The humidity was so high, I couldn’t sweat, and felt like I was being smothered when trying to sleep at night in hotels that didn’t have air conditioning.

Trips to California, Florida and Arizona were always in the winter, so the weather was mild, sometimes even a cold snap. Our family always stood out as the crazy people wearing shorts, and the only ones at the beach.

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@RHaseman · 106 weeks ago

Darwin, Australia. Thankfully I’ve only spent a few weeks there on holidays but I have friends who grew up there and a cousin who was based there when he was in the Army, and I can’t understand how it’s considered habitable for the 11 months of the year that it’s “much worse” than when I visited.

Apparently it’s a “relief” when the build-up finally breaks into a Tropical Cyclone…

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Joe Sanderson · 106 weeks ago

Here in the UK, hot days are a blessing, as our summer for the past few years seems to have been ‘the one day in June when it didn’t rain and everyone in the country had a barbecue.’
But, in May this year, I was doing Anglo-Norman reenactment at a castle in Shropshire and the heat for all three days was intense. It was made worse by the fact that I was wearing two linen tunics, a gambeson (padded armour- imagine a wearable duvet) and then 45lb of chainmaille over all of that. Oh, and a nasal helmet. The metal became too hot to touch to the extent that people were burning themselves, salt started crystallizing on my gambeson when it was exposed to direct sun, and I had to ring my tunics out repeatedly.

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Tony Padegimas· 106 weeks ago

I live in Phoenix so…

When I was young, my friend had some cousins stay for the summer from the northeast. His father took them out to the street like the second day, broke an egg on the asphalt, and as they watched it fry (because they really will) he said, “This is why we don’t go outside without shoes.”
People going barefoot in summer is something we only see in books and magazines.

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Mary · 105 weeks ago

I’m native to Phoenix. The temperature made 122 degrees a few years ago in July. Its only for a few days each year that we top 110.

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Acadius · 104 weeks ago

Spent a blistering weekend doing Amtgard at Fort Travis Seashore Park, Bolivar Peninsula, TX. Roasted all weekend getting 2nd degree sunburns and no way to walk down to the water and cool off, painful! Winning the Kingdom of Wetlands first Kingdom-wide Jugging tournament, Priceless!

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emperorbailey· 96 weeks ago

Yeah, unless I’m wearing a suit or something, I can typically shrug off heat up to about 110. But there’s something about that number. And the fact that Phx so often surpasses it. It just breaks your spirit.
A couple weeks ago I interviewed for a job in western Washington.

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