Chapters: Lo-FiJINKS

The Power Pot And The Meta Kettle

Here’s a Lo-Fi follow up to this comic about perceived racism in the world of spandex clad mighty men.

As a straight white dude, it’s often easy to forget that not everyone sees themselves represented (not accurately, mind you, but REPRESENTED none the less) in every conceivable form of popular media. That isn’t to say I have ever really identified with the muscle bound ab-havers of the various comic book universes, but I imagine it’s even harder to relate for the non-white, non-enpenised, no having-boners-for-the-opposite-sex types of people.

COMMENTERS:  Are there any minority characters in comics, or other nerd media that strike you as particularly accurate portrayals? If you belong to any minority group, was there ever a character in fiction that you identified with in a special way? Ladies, feel free to answer this one too. Even though you’re half of all people, you are still pretty underrepresented in geek pop culture as far as I’m concerned.

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oneswellfoop· 109 weeks ago

Well, Plastic Man can represent us if he’s in the right mood
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tzeentchling· 108 weeks ago

You’ve also got Blob.
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Handigoat · 109 weeks ago

It’s not nerd media per say, but Charles Ramsey is MY f***in’ accurately portrayed hero.
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nonbeliever93· 109 weeks ago

Asian dudes do not get a lot of representation in Western media. Seriously, there are only so many John Cho characters I can cosplay as.

2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

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The Unknown FB · 108 weeks ago

You also don’t have any Native Americans really represented *well* at all.
Growing 50 feet tall is just…WTH for?
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Diggy · 108 weeks ago

The answer is Short Round.
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lou · 108 weeks ago

So is the current Batwoman, Kate Kane. Also, she’s a lesbian.
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tzeentchling· 108 weeks ago

Sabra is Jewish – in fact, she’s the Israeli pseduo-Captain-America.

Also, just gonna leave this here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Jewish_supe…

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Ryan · 108 weeks ago

Well there is Magneto, who is sometimes a villain and sometimes a hero, especially in Marvels many alternate universes(seriously awesome in Age of Apocalypse).
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Kryss LaBryn · 108 weeks ago

Spider Robinson is one of the few male authors who I’ve ever felt did a decent job at writing women. Also one of the very first, so far as I know, to have an asexual character. I suspect he’s doing a really good job on his black characters too, although not being black I can’t really say. They don’t read as token stereotypes to me, at least, and are just as much rounded people as any other race he might have in there.

Other than that, um… nice to see how well “The Princess Bride” did fencing, although that probably doesn’t count. Still, if you know anything about fencing at all, it was really, really good to see someone FINALLY get it right. Still pretty sure that doesn’t count, though.

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lou · 108 weeks ago

I remember Balacktus from Adult Swim’s Minoriteam. What a weird show.

Planet Earth Is Blue And There’s Nothing I Can Do

Recording a music video of Bowie’s “Space Oddity” IN OUTER MOTHER FUCKING SPACE is mankind’s most baller achievement. Hats off… rather space helmets off to you, Commander Hadfield. Though I do fear his actions will usher in the coming Anime Apocalypse by creating the universe’s first actual outer space pop star. Alls I’m saying is when a cyborg cat-girl from the future and a plucky robot sidekick with plasma cannons for arms start doing backup vocals for the good Commander, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

COMMETNERS: What song would you have to sing at what location/time/historical event to approach the epicness of Commander Hadfield’s performance?

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Craig · 109 weeks ago

“Time Warp” in the TARDIS while facing Daleks.

3 replies · active 109 weeks ago

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Nathan · 109 weeks ago

Did not read that as “facing” the first time. Not sure where my brain pulled a “k” from, either.

Twould be epic, though.

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Ali · 109 weeks ago

It’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane.
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lou · 109 weeks ago

I would think the Doctor’s favorite Bowie song would be “Changes”.
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Lori · 109 weeks ago

I was reluctant to watch the video when I first saw it, because it sounded so gimmicky. But honestly, it was very affecting. And to me, the most important part was that he could really sing! As Josh points out, he’s no David Bowie, but he does manage not to completely pale in comparison, which I consider quite an achievement.
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Derek · 109 weeks ago

GO CANADA!!!
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Jeff A · 109 weeks ago

I thought Jeff Bridges was the Star Man

2 replies · active 109 weeks ago

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Liz · 109 weeks ago

That’s just, like, your opinion, man.
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Candace · 109 weeks ago

No, Jeff Bridges is The Dude.
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carl · 109 weeks ago

If there is ever a manned mission to Mars, its theme song will naturally have to be Hagar’s “Marching to Mars.”

1 reply · active 109 weeks ago

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Mitch H. · 109 weeks ago

Not “Life on Mars”?
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Ali · 109 weeks ago

Did you see the duet with Ed from Barenaked Ladies? “ISS (Is Someone Singing).” That one made me tear up a little.

Fun fact: When I was little, I confused Dave Bowman from “2001: A Space Odyssey” with David Bowie because their names are similar and also all the stuff about space and stars.

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deadrobot· 109 weeks ago

I’d give my left nut to see C3P0 sing Domo Arigato Mr Roboto in front of a WalMart.

And then say “I’ve wasted my left nut!”

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lou · 109 weeks ago

That guy’s song is great! It even got David Bowie’s approval on Twitter! And since it’s Bowie related, expect it to be a punch line in a joke on The Venture Brothers any day now.

High In Fiber

Josh reminds us all of the tale of the ant and the grasshopper. The ant torrented terabytes of pornography to see him through the harsh winter and kept redundant backups of his data, both on external hard drives and in the cloud. While the foolish grasshopper had a paper bag with a Hustler, a Juggs and two Penthouse Forums, which he eventually had to eat to survive. And he DID survive. Up until he died, choking on a letter from a guy who “never dreamed this would happen to me, but…”

Google keeps announcing different, random shithole towns as test beds for Google Fiber. Yes, I know Austin, TX is on the list. Here’s the deal: if they are putting amazing, futuristic tech services in Austin BEFORE Dallas (where I am), then I know they aren’t taking this whole thing seriously. “Hello, Google Fiber? I’m in austin and I’d like to have fiber internet installed directly to my bong. Excuse me bongS. Why, yes, I AM a bass player.”

COMMENTERS: Have you ever had to wait for a fun, fancy or futurey tech service (or any kind of service) to come to your town or even your country? I know Canada JUST got Square. That shit changed my life. Does anyone NOT have Netflix at this point? What about something as essential as phone lines or power? WHY DON’T YOU HAVE POWER? DO YOU LIVE IN A VOLCANO?!

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Craig · 111 weeks ago

I live in the arctic and depend on satellites for my internet. We can’t use Netflix because I’m pretty sure it would cause the satellites to explode and rain fiery doom down across Canada. My “high speed” is, on a good day, 3 mbps. It would make the baby Jesus cry. Or go on a homicidal spree with an axe. One of the two.
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Neph Sy · 111 weeks ago

I would just like to be able to get cell phone service in some of the rural parts of Canada I travel to. And decent internet, dial up is the only option in some areas, and it is a pain. All the sites are chock full of animated ads, you have to wait forever for them to load (or half load then stop). I was out in the boonies and trying to deal with customers in December who wanted rush shipping, so I spent all day trying to do basic shipping estimates.
This was not working, finally I had to phone the nearest couriers and post office and talk to a live person who was irritated that I needed them to get me estimates.
Seriously you don’t know how good you got it, until you have to deal with dial up.
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Ninjin · 111 weeks ago

Check it out. I think you’d dig Provo. You could do well there.
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petsinwinter · 111 weeks ago

I got no netflix, I’m 19, live with my parents and my family just never cared
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stanley · 111 weeks ago

Verizon ran fiber through my front yard; snagged my water line in the process. Turns out it was for one of their 4G towers, so I’m stuck with DSL. Everything [gas, muni water, cable, muni waste hauling, etc] seems to stop at the town line… half a mile that-a-way
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KCFiba! · 111 weeks ago

Man, these grapes taste really sour for some reason…

Must not be from a Missouri vineyard!

FIBER LOLLERSKATES ARE FASTER!

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el_b · 111 weeks ago

didnt know scar was in the scouts.
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bebinn· 111 weeks ago

I could get FIOS if I lived 3 blocks to the east. But I was dumb and didn’t figure out that my nice house was actually still in Baltimore City until after I committed to moving in. Baltimore City has a monopoly order in place for Comcast until at least 2016. I’m hoping it doesn’t get renewed at that time but really what is their incentive for not renewing it? We aren’t likely to get Google Fiber any time in this decade.
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InkBlot· 111 weeks ago

They picked Shartpalace over Cleveland!? Damnit! Now I have to keep paying Time Warner through the nose!

1 reply · active 110 weeks ago

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Omnomnom · 110 weeks ago

There are worse orifices to have to pay TW through. Trust me.
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emperorbailey· 102 weeks ago

My wife and I moved to Provo in 11 so I could do three years of grad school (the best deal we found). We promised ourselves we would move away, ANYWHERE, after the three years.
Now Google Fiber is coming to our dorky, podunk little town, and we’re not as sure about the moving away part.

Lights Out

I AM GOING TO BE IN CALGARY THIS WEEKEND FOR CALGARY EXPO!!! Details HERE. 

Writing this at 3am when I should be leaving the house to catch a plane… nowish. Revolution officially went nanobotsbananapants. If you haven’t given up already, now’s a good time.

COMMENTERS: What’s the longest you ever stuck with a show that you hated, hoping that it would improve? For me it was Smallville, seasons 5-10. Or was it 6-10? Or was it 1-10?

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Kirby · 112 weeks ago

I can honestly like anything. Sit me in front of a TV show, movie, whatever, I’ll enjoy myself no matter how bad it tends to be. However, in Charmed I kind of have the reverse effect. I enjoy the show as a whole, but I really kinda don’t like Prue, and I can’t bring myself to just pick up the series after she leaves. So I’m forcing myself to wade through her episodes until I get through to the next part.

I decided to skip Revolution, just from the tweets it was getting on the premiere night. I also don’t tend to watch a lot of TV when it premieres, or anything like that. I don’t generally stop watching a TV show because I dislike it, I generally stop watching it because I stop catching it on TV, something else catches my interest and I stop for a bit with the intention of coming back, or I just stop watching TV for a while. If there’s a show I really like, I usually finish it/what’s available in one or two shots, then wait for more, or move on.

2 replies · active 111 weeks ago

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Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

I watched a few episodes of Charmed back when it was televised, with a “meh” reaction. Recently tried watching the first few episodes, but could not get past how much that “Power of 3” chanting grated on me. Charmed was written for teens and pre-teens. The magic powers on it is so simple, the kind of stuff I used to wish for and dream when I was a child, that I can’t stomach it now.
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Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

Charmed was mostly just establishing shots of San Francisco (great drinking game, shots every time you see Golden Gate Bridge, everybody passes out during first episode). But the whole, crappy series served one single purpose for one single moment of awesome.

In the commentary for Buffy S7 ep7, “Conversations with Dead People” (the best! the creepiest!), Drew Goddard says they had so many problems trying to film the episode, that towards the end of the very long night he was laying on the floor crying “I don’t wanna do this anymore, just put on an episode of Charmed!”

I love that. Whenever I’m having a ridiculously hard time with something that’s too important to blow off, I work up a tear and say the same thing. Then I suck it up and make something awesome anyway.

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Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

It’s not a show I hate, but it’s a guilty pleasure. Sometimes I can’t believe this monster of the week/yearly apocalypse show is still on. It’s the humor that keeps me watching.
****SPOILERS BELOW****

Dang, I really liked the Benny character and was hoping he was going to become a regular.

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lou · 112 weeks ago

I hear ya on Supernatural. Season 6 was hit-and-miss because the showrunners never expected to make it past the 1st 5 seasons they planned out, so they passed the head-writer duty to someone else, for Seasons 6 (meh) and 7 (bleh). Now it’s on Season 8 with someone else in charge and it’s much better now.
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sandchigger · 112 weeks ago

I’m the one guy who watched the entire run of Cult hoping it would start to be not crappy.

2 replies · active 112 weeks ago

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Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

You must have a strong constitution, the only thing I liked about Cult was Robert Knepper…he does intense and creepy so well.
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sandchigger · 112 weeks ago

I kept thinking to myself that maybe it would all tie together in some brilliant, awesome fashion. I did like the idea that the real-cult was gaining members from the tv-cult because the real-cult was literally putting words into the mouth of the tv-cult’s leader.
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Jason· 112 weeks ago

I think I stuck with Heroes into the fourth season, or at least close to the end of the third. I think I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt that season 2 was crappy because of the writers’ strike. I was young and foolish then…

I never started watching Revolution because I couldn’t get over the mental hurdle that if electrons can no longer flow, you get some very serious side effects. Like, oh say, molecules no longer being able to hold together. Nanomagicbots at least addresses that problem, so kudos to them for that I guess?

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malcolm · 112 weeks ago

I’ve actually been enjoying revolution lately, I think its improved. I’m not talking about the “science”, let it be magic, I don’t care. I just like where the story is going.
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coke· 112 weeks ago

I watched every episode of _Andromeda_.

2 replies · active 111 weeks ago

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gabepuratekuta· 112 weeks ago

So did I. It was pretty good
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gabepuratekuta· 112 weeks ago

I’ve done better. If there’s a series that’s starting that looks like it’s going to be awful, you just don’t watch it or any commercial for it ever. It really helps to keep the brain cells up and the hate-filled rants down. I guess the worst series I’ve ever actually watched was Smallville. But that was because there wasn’t anything better on (didn’t have cable or Netflix back then) which was very few and far between. Maybe I’ve seen like ten episodes in all? I’m not really sure…
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jscg · 112 weeks ago

It took me five seaons to give up on Star Trek Voyager. Even though every episode from season 3 to (it seems) the end had the big red reset button denouement, I just kept watching.

Kind of like when my Grampa used to watch the Judy Garland variety show and complain about how bad it was every week. My Gram used to ask him why he kept watching if it was so bad, and his only answer was “She used to be so *good*!”

1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

The irony is after season 3 they gave up on the “We’re totally going to get home! NO WE’RE NOT!” thing and just started focusing on the story while moving them a bit closer to home every few episodes. Towards the end they realized home was WAY too far away so every other episode it was like, “Good job crew. That little maneuver shaved 20 years off our trip!”
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Faye · 112 weeks ago

Stargate SG-1 was never the same after season 5. But I kept watching. Season 10. The movies. Atlantis. Universe. (I actually kinda liked Universe in spite of the ‘younger and edgier’ dynamic, but then, Robert Carlyle.)

My only release from this is that there is no Stargate currently in production, as far as I am aware. If it came back, I would be there, like a moth to a flame, and with about as much self-preservation instinct.

So, to answer the question: How long? Forever. (Though I wouldn’t say I ever ‘hated’ it, I was just disappointed, is all. There were still good times to be had.)

2 replies · active 111 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

SG-1 lost me after it left Showtime. Universe was fantastic and should never have been prefaced with the word “Stargate.” It specifically wasn’t for Stargate fans.
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Faye · 111 weeks ago

Agreed. I did enjoy Universe, mostly, but as it’s own thing – it didn’t feel like Stargate. (Stargate barely felt like Stargate in the final seasons, it was effectively a spin off the network didn’t want to split from the main series. And that Ori stuff creeped me out.)

Universe could have reached a wider audience, but they got stuck with the overlapping segment on the venn diagram of ‘Stargate fans’ and ‘gritty space drama fans’. The Stargate name hurt them.

As an aside, we joked that the series was Stargate: Voyager, but how much better would Voyager have been if it was more like Universe? They had the factions already, Starfleet vs Maquis.

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thevoxpopuli· 112 weeks ago

The last three or four seasons of X-Files were pretty bad… and I’m still watching True Blood for some awful reason. And I saw all of Lost… but to be fair, I actually liked the way it ended. I just don’t listen to what producers and writers say before something is done.
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Neph Sy · 112 weeks ago

I stuck it out to the end for Lost and Heroes, I especially feel Heroes was a waste…that show had potential…why did it have to turn into such a clusterf***
Can’t believe I watched “No Ordinary Family” past the first episode. The last season of True Blood was pretty bad, but I’ll probably still watch the next one…the show is STILL better than the books.

Longest show I’ve stuck to watching (and hate myself for it), “American Idol”,
To make it palatable I skip the city auditions episodes, fast forward through the critiques and listen to it while I’m working in the studio.

1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

I watched all of No Ordinary family on Hulu while I was working. It was just a horrific concept with even worse execution. A shitstorm top to bottom.
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diggy · 112 weeks ago

I started to watch the “Fringe” pilot, quit after 5 minutes. Haven’t watched any of the show since.

2 replies · active 44 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 111 weeks ago

If it’s not for you, that’s fine. If you managed to watch all five seasons there are some wonderful stories, character development and a ton of payoff for the open plot threads.
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CatVonAwesome· 112 weeks ago

I am currently trying to get to the end of Hemlock Grove. It is……bad. Like a supernatural german art house film written by a 15 year old from the suburbs of the States who really likes unicorns but hates his mom bad. I can’t stop.

1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

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Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

I’ve never even heard of that. But that description alone makes me want to check it out.
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DuckAmuck · 111 weeks ago

I’m still debating whether Burn Notice is still worth my time.
How many seasons can you get away with “I got the guy who got me. Wait. No I didn’t. Getting that guy led me to this other guy. NOW I’ll get the guy who got me.”

Though I missed the last 3 episodes of the most recent season, so maybe that answers my question.

2 replies · active 111 weeks ago

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Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

Once he rejoined the CIA I … I just couldn’t do it anymore. I just didn’t care. His scrappy resourcefulness and rogue team of occasionally awesomely destructive misfits was what made it fun. Once they gave him “legitimacy” and “resources” it was just another spy story.

Although really, the death knell was sounded when they brought in Jesse. Who fuckin’ cares about that guy? Nobody, that’s who.

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Poodles McGee · 111 weeks ago

OH MY GOD, AND THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT. STOP TRYING TO SELL ME A FUCKING CAR, USA. HOW DARE YOU INCORPORATE YOUR ADVERTISING INTO THE SHOW’S FUCKING DIALOGUE!

Bastards.

Sorry, I’m calm now. Sorry.

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emperorbailey· 102 weeks ago

Congratulations on your first stopping-watching-a-bad-show, Joel.
The wife and I actually watched like 9 terrible eps of Revolution, just because we do whatever JJ Abrams tells us to. I wish I had those hours back.

Clark Has Two Daddies

Discount HE shirts with super closeout deals! Come on down to Uncle HijiNKS T-Shirtery and clothe your naked corpse in haha’s!

These things are facts: The new Man Of Steel trailer makes that movie look like a thing that A) I would enjoy watching and B) perhaps be the first non embarrassing live-action Superman movie ever. Additionally, I will never get over what I saw Amy Adams do to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s daddy-pouch in The Master. It was like she was hastily sifting through a pile of loose meat, discarding the fat and gristle, and the pile of meat was depressed about the whole ordeal. Here’s hoping if Lois Lane gives Supes a handy in MoS, that it’s done without all that Paul Thomas Anderson “LOOK SOCIETY! THIS IS YOU! YOU ARE GROSS!” flair.

Speaking of embarrassing Superman movies, I watched most of Superman II (the one I THOUGHT was good) for the first time in maybe 5 years last week. Turns out it’s a pile of crazy nonsense garbage just like all the other Superman movies. I think it was my young mind comparing it to the even more atrocious levels of garbage in Supermans 3 and 4 that twisted my memory into thinking II was “good for its time.” Nope. It’s ridiculous and terrible. I could go into detail, but instead of taking up pages and pages nitpicking all of the problems with that movie, how about you just think of every time any person in Superman II does or says ANYTHING… OK, those are the terrible things I am talking about.

COMMENTERS: What movie scenes have stuck with you over the years as particular unsettling, macabre or disturbing? Does the creep out factor hold up to this day?

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theragingcelt· 112 weeks ago

May I respectfully disagree with you on the first Superman film. Yes, it have issues. (Otis, the spinning earth backwards thing at the end.) But it still has that Iconic John Williams score and Christopher Reeve crushing it as big blue.
Two is a Frankenstein movie made of two different shoots. Three takes an interesting idea (Superman turning evil.) a squanders it on Goon Show blackout gags and a shoehorned in Richard Pryor.
Four is best left mentioned in shadows for fear of accidentally unleashing dark and angry forces.
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josh· 112 weeks ago

That one time that guy tore off his own face in Poltergeist. That ruined me as a kid.

3 replies · active 112 weeks ago

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UnderTheDark · 112 weeks ago

The Tequila Worm.

That is all I can say without vomiting up my toenails from sheer terror.

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Candace · 112 weeks ago

That was truly horrifying.
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Candace · 112 weeks ago

(The Poltergeist thing, that is.)
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benthorp· 112 weeks ago

The scene in A Beautiful Mind where the wife walks into the shed to find the web of string. Creeped me out completely.
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sedula· 112 weeks ago

Face melting off in Raiders.

1 reply · active 112 weeks ago

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Candace · 112 weeks ago

Oh, god, the bugs in Temple of Doom. The buuuuugs!
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Ali · 112 weeks ago

When I saw Galaxy Quest in theaters as a kid, I was grossed out by the inside-out exploding monster, and the fact that one of the aliens walked around with a bit of exploded monster goo on his face for the entire rest of the movie. Still haven’t gotten over that. As much as I love practically everyone in the cast, I’m reluctant to watch the movie again because of the grossness.
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deadrobot · 112 weeks ago

Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia.
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Greg · 112 weeks ago

If you want to see a film that will stay with you for a while, see Gary Oldman’s “Nil By Mouth” based on his experiences growing up in South London. Lots of unsettling scenes, including Ray Winstone’s character beating up his pregnant wife (played by Cathy Burke).
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bubujin_2 · 112 weeks ago

A movie that has stayed with me for a very long time is the original “Planet of the Apes,” especially the final few scenes.
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Tim · 112 weeks ago

Seeing Scanners as a much too young kid on VHS…head exploding scene. I had nightmares for ooh, decades. And Poltergeist – the clown bit. Same viewing. Oh and I also loved Amerifan Werewolf in London but the dream within a dream, Underground and head bounfe bits…instant nigtmares!
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kcarlile· 112 weeks ago

The brain eating scene in Hannibal.
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DragonRose · 112 weeks ago

My brother convinced me to watch Fargo a couple of years ago, I was really into it until the woodchipper scene. . .
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TJ · 112 weeks ago

The Sister In The Flashback Of Pet Semetary.. Rising Up Out Of Her Bed, Demonic Voice.. That Got Me As A Yoot (Sorry About Caps, My Phone Finds It Necessary To CapAll Words?) Also..The “Jackal” From 13 Ghosts..The First Few TImes I Saw It That Really Creeped Me Out..One Day I MannD Up And Paused The Screen, Made Myself Stare At It.. In Doing So, I Realized It Was Not A Woman, But A Man..Who Kinda Looks Like Barry Pepper, And It Was No Longer Frightening.
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gabepuratekuta· 112 weeks ago

Ever since I saw the House on Haunted Hill remake, I’ve not been scared by horror films (I was startled by the sound effects a few times, though, and the fact there weren’t any lights on in the room didn’t help). Then again, the only horror films I’ve watched before then was the Evil Dead trilogy
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Storvik · 112 weeks ago

“They killed Superman! Let’s get ’em!”

One of the stupidest things ever said in any movie; because if those three just killed Superman, your wooden stick isn’t likely to avenge him.

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Candace · 112 weeks ago

There are parts of Monty Python’s Meaning of Life that I still can’t talk about, nor abide anyone else talking about in my presence.

Also, I think I’ve blocked parts of the re-make of Cape Fear with Robert De Niro because he was so utterly terrifying in that role. I was white-knuckled and on the edge of my seat for almost the entirety of that movie.

1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

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Animaniac · 111 weeks ago

“Eeets wafer thin!”
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DocBones · 111 weeks ago

The Wrath of Kahn. I still scream and climb on a table every time I see an earwig.
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Debs · 111 weeks ago

I can’t remember for certain, but I think it was a Pop Tarts commercial where it shows rapidly changing faces that blend into one another at the end. I know it is crazy, but it gave me nightmares for years. I still get creeped out by the thought of it.

I also used to anthropomorphize objects too much, so the new m&m commercials totally freak me out too. Thank the Doctor for dvrs.