A Bit Of Confusion

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

BIG NEWS! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a while so I can make some big exciting changes. If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back in case you want one of those.

NEWS2: You can hear me briefly on this ABC Australia podcast, Nerdzilla, talking about X-Men: First Class. The full interview will be posted sometime next week.

NEWS 3: I have donated a copy of HijiNKS ENSUE Volume 2: My Heart Is A Hate-Filled Pineapple to be auctioned off by the Toronto Chapter of Can’t Stop The Serenity. It features THIS SKETCH. The auction is June 18th.

NEWS 4: The story I recorded for the Machine Of Death Podcast, “Loss Of Blood,” can be downloaded NOW. It’s been so long since I recorded it that I can’t remember if I sucked or not. Either way the story is very cool.

I really don’t have any idea what Bitcoins are, but I’m pretty sure they’re going to usher in the economicopalypse. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my bunker where I’ve been hoarding canned beets and D cell batteries… both for their nutritional content.

COMMENTERS: I seriously don’t understand Bitcoins. Like, not at all.

Twenty-Four Hour Shopping In Rapture

Ovipositor Shirts ONLY $11!!! Last Chance Probably Forever!!!

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Fact 1) There are people currently living on this planet that think, NAY HOPE, the world is going to end tomorrow night in a glorious, cleansing fireball and those of us left on Earth are going to have our eyeballs raped out by demons. Fact 2) These people are why we can’t have nice things.

I know there aren’t normally new comics on Saturday, but maybe you should come check this site around 6pm central time. Who knows. I bet it will still be here and I bet there will be a special surprise for you. Who am I kidding? Of course The Internet will will be here. When The Great Deceiver, The Light Bringer, The Lord of Lies, The Prince of Unspeakable Sorrow comes to claim his Earthly throne and rule for a thousand years there is DEFINITELY going to be an Internet. That’s probably, like, his MAIN thing. It’s going to be fire, brimstone and The Internet. Bam! Population enslaved, water turns to dust in your mouth, eyes that vomit bees, the whole nine. There’s probably something in the Facebook EULA that gets the ball rolling for him. “Oh, you already clicked “Agree.” No take-backs. I totally get to let these harpies eat all your skin off.”

Be on the lookout for my new t-shirt that says, “I Got Left Behind And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt and My Eyes Raped Out By Demons.”

See you Saturday! And Sunday! And all the rest of the days!

COMMENTERS: How are you going to celebrate The Rapture? I say Go wild. This is your last day on Earth (no it isn’t). Have fun. Make some jokes. Eat some donuts. You deserve it.

Baby We Were Born To Run For The Border

Thus endith my week of comics, non-comics and comic-like entities dealing with my trip to Canada. The above comic is a 98% true account (with a +/- 2% margin of exaggeration) of my border crossing experience.

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

The Canadian border official treated us like human beings, who were welcomed into his country and encouraged to spend our bland, greenish monies at their many fine establishments. He did want to make sure that we were attempting to procure gainful Canadian employment surreptitiously, but he was never anything but polite. He even laughingly commented about how there seemed to be a lot of people coming over for the comic con.

The US border agent treated us like terrorists. Worse, he treated us like our faces were dusted with cocaine, our pockets were brimming with knock-off boner pills, and our trunk was bulging with far too many severed torsos. All of his questions were accusatory, his tone was immediately angry and he was a fucking asshole. Let me remind you that we were trying to re-enter our OWN country. Next time I drive back into the US from Canada I’m just going to have my dick’n balls out. Just right on my lap. When the border agent asks me a question, I’ll point southward and politely ask that he address all inquiries to The Captain.

Roam If You Want To

TORONTO: I AM IN YOU! TCAF is this weekend! RIGHT NOW IN FACT!!!

I will be at table 222 (with Topatoco) on the 2nd floor Saturday 5/7 and Sunday 5/8. I will have books 1 and 2 (and I will draw dumb things in them for you), stickers, buttons, prints ( a “The Doctor Is In” print), and maybe a couple of shirts.

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

I was concerned that during my trip to Toronto I might have the urge to tweet about famous Canadian coffee in red cups or tiny delicious donuts, only to come home to find that AT&T had placed a lien on my house… or my child. So I called them to talk about adding international data to my plan for a month. They told me I could add 20mb of Canadata for $25 (THAT IS A SUPER FARE PRICE YOU GUYS), or I could pay the standard rate of… wait for it… $20 per… (I bet you think I’m going to say Gigabyte)…. (I’m not)… per…. MEGA-MOTHERFUCKING-BYTE! That’s roughly $30 for the contents of a floppy disk! Jesus H. Canadian Curling Christ!

@thathenderson had a good point, “Think of it this way: An invisible floppy flying over your head in a million pieces costs ONLY $28.” I guess I am complaining about how expensive MAGIC is.

Anyway, I will be pretty silent this weekend unless I come across some free wifi. Do you Canadian guys get that with the healthcare? Also, this will likely be the last comic of the week since I will be travelling all day Friday. Hopefully I will get some pics and make some Fancy Photo Comics when I get back.

Come see me at TCAF. Money is SUPER tight right now and I need this to be a good con or I’m going to have to take on some more freelance projects which typically means less comics for you. If you can’t make it, maybe consider making a donation, buying something from the store, buying Book 2, or a Sharksplode shirt why don’tcha?

COMMENTERS: What other digital crimes might I commit and what penalties may I face while in the Great White North?

Undeniable Parallels

I watched Waterworld this weekend… again. For like the 500th time. At this points it’s unfair to even call it a “guilty pleasure.” It’s just a pleasure. There is so much to hate about that movie, but for some reason I find the whole to be vastly greater (or at least more enjoyable) than the sum of its deeply flawed parts. I don’t even like it in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way. Waterworld is just s shitty movie, that makes no sense, with acting that ranges from wooden to bat-anus insane that I absolutely MUST watch every time it comes on TV.

The comic above involved a very real theory I have about how Enola from Waterworld IS the baby set adrift at the end of The Blue Lagoon. You think that movie takes place in the past. NO WAY MAN!. It’s the freakin’ future. That’s some Planet Of The Apes type science I just dropped on you. Shit, maybe that movie takes place on the other side of Waterworld. “YOU DAMN, DIRTY APES! YOU BLEW IT UP! OR MAYBE YOU SUNK IT! EITHER WAY I’M SUPER PISSED!”

COMMENTERS: Your turn to share with the group. Say your name and tell us the movie or whatever that you would like to pretend is an ironic guilty pleasure, but secretly you genuinely love it.