Not To Be Confused With Tres Leches

LAST WEEK FOR UFE’s + NAME IN THE BOOK!

The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!!

Less than half of the 150 UFE’s remain! Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

Four Loko caffeinated malt liquor is one of those cultural phenomenon’s that comes quickly onto the scene, takes the world of underage drinking by storm and rather than slowly fading away, it burns out in a blaze of glory.

[WARNING: Due to the high alcohol content Four Loko will burn out in an actual blaze of glory. Do not drink Four Loko near an open flame, or in a house with central heating. Four Loko is intended for novelty use only and is not considered “a consumable” under the regulations of the Food and Drug Administration. Due to its instability, unique chemical composition and potential off-world origin it is advised that you do not speak directly to Four Loko in anything louder than a whisper. Do not sing before, during or after drinking Four Loko as that the vibrations of your vocal chords coupled with Four Loko’s resonance frequency may trigger erratic behavior in felines, children and the elderly.]

Though it was recently all but banned by the FDA due to “the beverages’ combination of caffeine and alcohol [leading] to a ‘wide-awake drunk.’“, Four Loko, and drinks like it have found new life as “ethanol and other products.” Basically the shit was so toxic that they poured it into a diesel engine and the truck not only started but it gained sentience and now lives in a hollowed out mountain in New Mexico.

Though some would rather the drink be left alone, the FDA says “the caffeine can mask a person’s perception of intoxication, leading them to drink more than they typically would before passing out.” There’s a sublime beauty in this quote. Basically, they are saying that in order to save you from yourself, evolution has worked out a biological off-switch for those that consume more than their body weight in alcohol in an evening. If you are stupid enough to drink beyond your body’s tolerance level, it will simply remove you from the equation and go into forced hibernation. Four Loko looks at your biological imperative to survive and shouts a hearty and defiant, “WHAT ARE YOU? SOME KIND’A PUSSY?! WAKE UP AND DRINK MORE OF THIS POISONOUS SHIT!!!”

I imagine Four Loko’s secret forumla reads like the menu at a 24 hour Coffee Shop/Gas Station/Apothecary on The Moon: Caffeine, Pseudoephedrine, grain alcohol, scorpion venom, formaldehyde, and Indian Tiger Testosterone. Hey, if you aren’t allowed to pour what I assume is essentially the stuff the Army uses to clean tanks into your gullet, at least your Dodge 4X4 won’t go thirsty.

I Mean About Future Calamity

Get your HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2 Preoder on! GO HERE NOW! Over 1/4 of the Ultimate Fancy Editions are already gone!

Enjoy this Lo-FijiNKS comic while I am at Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage in Austin this weekend and with David, Danielle, Randy, Jeph, Bill, and Josh.

Listeners to the HE Podcast will know that conversations with Eli in real life often take unexpected and indecipherable twists and turns. What you see above is a fictional account of a conversation that never took place, but easily could have and in an alternate universe, probably did. Speaking of alternate universes, the writers over at Fringe seem to have a sense of humor since they did actually name their first episode in the FOX Friday Night Death Slot “Firefly.” I assume the next few episodes will be entitled “Dollhouse,” “Terminator: TSCC,” “Dark Angel” and… oops. Cancelled.

Also speaking of alternate universes, I wrote two scripts for this comic and decided to make them both. Here’s the alternate. [click to embiggen, then click AGAIN to fully embiggen]

Of Coins, Rings And Regret

Randy and I shared a table at Austin Comic-Con. There were tons of HE and S*P readers there and we both had a great time. We even did a meat-fueled reader meetup at Ironworks BBQ, which was also… OH GOD DAMNIT! MEATUP! WHY DID I JUST NOW THINK OF THIS?!?!? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN PERFECT! Oh well.

Anyway, there was a strange phenomenon at the show whereby children kept taking Randy up on the offer proposed by his “FREE SKETCHES” sign. The interesting thing about this is that Randy produces content that isn’t safe for most adults, let alone ANY children. I mean, maybe those kids with the machine guns I see on the news could take it, but soft, weak American children? No way. He must have drawn a dozen Marios, Luigis, kittens and other non-offensive characters. Perhaps the kiddos were encouraged by his “8-Bit Dante’s Inferno” poster, or the fact that he had just shaved off his hobo-beard the day before and appeared slightly less like someone who’s “free sketches” came with an invitation to the candy van.

Those of you Austin-dwelling comics fans who didn’t make it to the show will have another chance to stare and me, Randy and many of your other favorite webcartoonists sometime around December 11th at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomics Rampage at Dragon’s Lair Comics in Austin. Check back soon for specifics.

Are you listening to the HE Podcast? YOU SHOULD BE!

From The Makers Of Moon Wine

Please accept this Lo-FijiNKS comic substitute while I am in Austin, TX with SCARY UNCLE RANDY this weekend at AUSTIN COMIC CON.

I will have giant prints of the Austin-Inspired BBQ Comic!

PLUS there will be a joint HE/S*P Meetup after the show Saturday Night [DETAILS HERE].

There is also a new episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! GO! ENJOY IT WITH YOUR HEAD AND FACE!

As a personal favor to me, please watch Fringe and SG:U, then tell all your friends to do the same. I needs them. I needs them like a space wino needs him some’o that space wine. Ohhh that space wine is mighty fine.

The Measure Of A Fan

I know this is super inside-baseball-pants for you non-Star Trek nerds, but I just got back from a two day stint at a Star Trek convention so please cut me some slack. Please feel free to cut a bit more slack (as long as slack is already being cut) for the Lo-FijiNKS comic. I was pretty burnt after the con and didn’t feel up to coloring and shading and… drawing all that well.

Flip You Melon Farmer! The “Edited For Content” mug on up for sale NOW!

There was a TNG panel at this particular con, and the guests were Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, and Michael Dorn. I decided to ditch my table for an hour and check out the fun times. Highlights included Frakes moving through the audience for the first 20 minutes or so asking all the standard, tired-ass questions they’ve all heard a thousand times. At one point he asked “When y’all were on the spaceship and y’all stood on the glowing floor things where also the ceiling was glowin’ and y’all got beamed to the planet… what did that feel like?” [at this point I should mention that Tia Carrere was also a guest at the con] Brent Spiner responded with some techno babble about his molecules being dispersed, yo which Michael Dorn replied “I would like to disperse my molecules all over Tia Carrere.” This would be quite an ordeal for Ms. Carrere because, as you know, Klingons have two dongs.

Great Scott! A reader commission I did at the con. Click to Embiggen.

I got a quick chance to meet Frakes and Spiner and give them each a copy of the “Riker, I hardly know her” comic. It was gratifying to share space with a couple of my childhood heroes if only for a minute or two. We talked briefly about Leverage and our mutual admiration for Jon Rogers and Amy Berg. Brent Spiner said, “When is she going to get me on Eureka? Wil Wheaton’s on that show every other week!” Throughout the panel and our encounter afterwards Brent Spiner was none too shy about showing his dissatisfaction with the “lack of Brent Spiner awareness and appreciation” among the general public. To that I say, “Buck up Brent. You are my favorite robot-man and you are pretty great.”

Oh, Shatner was there too. Whatever.

COMMENTERS: Share your “meeting your heroes” experiences. Did they live up to the hype or were you disappointed?

Here’s a commission I did for a reader at the con. Click to embiggen.