Dumb And Number

I accidentally watched all of The Number 23 a couple of days ago. I non-accidentally live tweeted it in order to share my confusion and pain with as many human beings as possible. I was made aware of the movie’s horrific curse early on, but still I persevered. SPOILERS: It was truly a massive turd. It was a turd pie. It was a pie made entirely NOT of delicious pie filling and crust, but of turd.

One Tweeter pointed out my Twitter user # is 12,331,382, and 1+2+3+3+1+3+8+2=23. I refuse to check his facts or his math because that was a perfect bookend to an abismal movie-watching experience.

I’m trying out a new, simplified art style for the LoFi comics in hopes that I can bring them back as a regular feature on HE. The goal for the Lofi’s was always to be a supplemental strip that I could bang out in an hour or so vs. the 4-6 hours it takes to make a regular comic. In the end the only difference in complexity was that they were black and white, which honestly took longer than my normal coloring because I couldn’t use the standard color pallet I was used to.

With the new engine driving the backend of the site (thanks Phil!) I should be able to post LoFi’s whenever I want. Even if it’s on the same day as the regular comic. I’m working on having a permanent URL for the most recent Lofi comic (something like hijinksensue.com/lofi). Lofi’s do not show up in the regular archive. You can see a list of all of them HERE. They’ll show up in the regular RSS feed because the idea of multiple feeds seems dumb to me. It’s all funny pictures with funny words. Shouldn’t matter to the reader if the hard was easy or hard on the artist as long as the material is solid.

I’m also hoping to use the Lofi’s as a way to react to something in the world of Geekdom quickly and timely if I’m in the middle of a mini-storyline. Here’s hoping it all works out the way I want.

Cryptidillated

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you!

I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! The whole cast of Star Trek: TNG is going to be there as well, but you are probably more excited about seeing me or whatever. Right? RIGHT?! Well, you know who AIN’T gonna be there? Lieutenant Barkley. Fuck that noise, Space Admiral Dickhole. Broccoli or GTFO. MORE INFO HERE.

I caught maybe 45 seconds of an episode of Finding Bigfoot a few weeks ago and the “expert” in “bigfoots” on the “show” kept saying things like “squatches REALLY love this time of night for goin’ out and fiddlin’ ’bout in the woods,” or “these ain’t sqautch droppings. I can tell by the taste,” and “one thing a squatch really hates is when you keep saying SQUATCH all the time.” They also hate that they are make believe and thus don’t get a lot of respect. This dude was just throwing out details and factoids about this fictional beast left and right. He had obviously done his homework (i.e. reading Wikipedia or listening to an elderly dementia patient in a rocking chair on a porch of the nursing home where he was raised as a ward of the state after his parents were mauled to death by a squatch). It’s one level of bullshit to go on TV and pretend noises are ghosts and different noises are bigfoots, but it’s a whole different tub of shit to pretend to be a certified ghost expert or squatchologist.

COMMENTERS: Please share your brushes with the paranormal. Did you ever know anyone that was convinced their leaky pipes and aging duct work were sweet spirits from the beyond? My uncle was convinced that a ghost named Gary lived in his house and kept hiding his things. He was a particle physicist, so maybe Gary was just a big clump of Higgs-Boson particles trying to dark matter all up in my uncle’s cedar chest for loose change. Alternately you may offer up for silly names for silly shows. How about Noise Listeners, Spook Havers, or Enthusiastic Yeti Patrol?

I made some blank comic templates that you can print out for your kids. My daughter has already made a couple of comics about our cats magically transforming into different animals.

Eterni-T

Did you know my books have 1000’s of words (many of them quite funny) that you haven’t read? I don’t just put the comics you’ve already seen on the pages. I write NEW COMMENTARY for each and every comic. There’s also funny character pages, forewords, stories, random nonsense and embarrassing crap I drew in middle school. What I’m trying to say is BUY MY BOOKS! I worked really hard to make them special and I think they’re great.

This is a thing I have been concerned about for a while. WHY DOESN’T MR. T AGE?! He is identical to the man (or is it myth?) that I knew of as a boy. Had that god damn son of a bitch kid that lived next door to me when I was 8 NOT broken my Mr. T action figure, I’m sure I could compare it to the man today and see no discrepancy other than his lack of a torso joint that spun 360 degrees! Oh, and REAL clever using Scotch tape to reattach Mr. T’s head, shitty fucking neighbor kid. Like I wasn’t going to notice. I was in honors classes! They taught us to look for shit like that! Context clues, motherfucker! Comprehension! And I was SUPPOSED to get to borrow your scooter in exchange for letting you take my Mr. T for the weekend, but when I went to claim my half of the bargain, your step dad told me it was locked in the shed and you were at your mom’s! FUCK YOU IN THE FACE FOREVER.

But I digress. My working theory is that Mr. T always has been and always will be. He might be some sort of celestial observer like Uatu The Watcher who just keeps tabs on Humanity for some unknown (hopefully benevolent) purpose. Or perhaps every planet has a Mr. T to protect it, like a jewelry-laden Green Lantern. Any one of those chains could be his power source. He probably wears so many to confuse his enemies. Using advanced maths and a comprehensive knowledge of 80’s pop culture, I can deduce that Richard Simmons is the Sinestro to T’s Hal Jordan. Their energies certainly seem equal but opposite.

COMMENTERS: Post your theories about Mr. T’s origins or mythic back story. Even if he’s just a regular human, you have to admit, he has aged remarkably little in the last 30 years. If not space magic, then how has he maintained his appearance? I bet it’s camel spider venom.

Holy shit, C2E2 in Chicago is next week. I’ll be with Blind Ferret at Booth 432. You Chicago FB’s saw how well Seattle did in the cookies, coffee, and booze gift department right? Are you going to let them show you up? Have you seen how shallow the pizza in Seattle is? Are you going to let them win?! [iced or hot soy latte, Starbucks Doubleshots, rum, vodka, tequila, pretty much any kind of chocolate, no nut allergies… I’m just sayin’.]

Mr. Wheaton Goes To Melbourne

HOLY CRAPBASTARDS! ME AND WIL MADE “THE CODE” INTO A SHIRT!!!
Get it now @ Sharksplode! People will be scanning your chest like freaking crazy!

By the time you read this Wil is probably nearly, if not entirely upside down and with nothing but my sage advice and (hopefully) a bathroom grade machete to protect him. Godspeed, Wheaton, you Fancy Bastard. May your wits and your poop sword keep you in good health, good spirits and good whatever something something bullshit technobabble.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever been successfully trolled by international travel lies? Something like, “When you get to _____, everyone calls each other cuntface. They’ll be insulted if you don’t do it.” What about a similar “initiation prank” at a new job, school, etc? People are pretty much terrible assholes. I’m sure some of you have fallen victim to their assholery.

The Great Iron Bird And The Blood Moon

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Sometimes air travel can be stressful. Like, what is the deal with airline peanuts? And what about that pack of Bloodwolves that always chases you through the airport trying to get you to fight for your place of honor within their pack and claim your wolfbride? And why is there so little legroom? These are the questions be need to be asking.

Having missed my flight home from Emerald City Comicon, I was forced to stay an extra day in Seattle and thus, no regular comic update for today. My bad fortune ended up being David’s good fortune since his plane didn’t leave until 11pm Monday night. We were able to celebrate his birthday in style (and cuddle) and rejoice in the fact that his recent suicide attempt had failed.

My flight back to DFW was at 6am Tuesday morning, a time which I did not appreciate until later when I learned that Dallas and its surrounding suburbs were being destroyed by TORNADOGEDDON 2012 and all flights in or out of DFW would soon be grounded. We got plenty of rain, but no damage to our home or our frail human bodies.

I would like to reiterate that ECCC is THE BEST comic convention in North America. The Fancy Bastards I encountered in Seattle went above and beyond to make me feel welcomed and appreciated. And the cookies… oh sweet baby crocodile-faced Jesus monster clone, there were so many cookies. Also booze. There were so many tiny bottles of booze. We… did things with candy and booze… bad things. Also I danced with a meta-shirt-wearing-Ewok.

I bet there will be a fancy sketch comic tomorrow.

COMMENTERS: Hit me with your saddest airplane/airline related stories, or perhaps your greatest flying triumphs.