Barmageddonbecue

Look, I’m sure there is actually some good (not great) barbecue in the Pacific Northwest but you have to give it to the South when we actually do something right. And there are two things we do better than anyone else: 1) racism and 2) barbecue. You might think you’ve had good barbecue up north but that’s like saying you fully understand the conflict in the middle east because you read Dune. You just don’t have a proper barometer by which to measure your meats (note: meats should always me measured with a properly calibrated, stainless steel meat barometer).

I say all of that not to offend my northern brothers, but to make myself feel better for living in Texas. It’s hot, bigoted, and really super crazy hot. Let me have the meats. That’s all I ask.

Though I do take full responsibility for possibly offending Seattle meat enthusiasts (the name of my L7 cover band), I do have to give credit for the idea that sparked this comic to Stephen “Stepto” Toulouse. He is a former fellow Dallasite, current Seattle transplant and the Director of Policy and Enforcement for Xbox LIVE. I think that means he wields a giant ban-hammer. I don’t really know for sure. Anyway, like most who leave the south for hipper pastures he soon learned that there are Texas Rangers posted in turrets all along the northern border of Texas who instantly shoot and kill (and occasionally roundhouse kick to death) anyone who tries to leave Texas with our barbecue secrets. The only Texan ever allowed to leave the state with “The Lonestar Rub” was Sam Houston and that was only so he could throw it in the face of Ohio Congressmen William Stanbery to blind him before he beat him to death with a hickory stick. We take this shit seriously, is all I’m saying.

Why do I tell you all of this? In order to tell you this:

IF YOU ARE IN DALLAS YOU MUST COME TO W00TSTOCK TONIGHT AT THE GRANADA THEATRE!

Those of you wise enough to head my call will witness performances by Adam Savage of Mythbusters, Paul and Storm, comedian Paul F. Tompkins (playing the part of Wil Wheaton), the aforementioned Stepto, Bill Amend, Molly Lewis, Jason Finn and possibly if not certainly additional surprises! Also, I will be there just hanging out! GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

Stop, Hey What’s That Sound?

“There is a key issue that we do not see eye to eye on and on this issue I refuse to back down. That is the issue of your brains and my desire to eat them because they are delicious and also BRAAAAAAAINS!”

David went to the Rally To Restore Sanity and/or Fear and took some pictures. Also, AMC’s The Walking Dead was great. In one episode they have already got me empathizing with and caring for the characters that will soon be horribly torn to fleshy shreds by legions of the undead. I don’t want to give ANYTHING away but there was one little dialog detail that paid off in an unexpected way that really showcased the writer’s attention to detail and character development. If they can maintain that level of quality coupled with the every three to five minutes or so zombie headshot ratio, I think we have a real winner on our hands.

I expect we will be talking about The Walking Dead quite a bit on the next HE Podcast.

SPEAKING OF THE PODCAST…
The HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST IS BACK, but I need your help to keep it alive. The goal is to get 300 monthly donation subscribers by the end of the year. Read more HERE if you enjoy the Podcast and want to help.

EWOK STARE SHIRTS [based on THIS comic] are IN THE STORE!

UPDATE: The more Sanity Rally pics I see the more I think Josh was actually there.

Check out Eli and Denise’s photos of their zombie hunter Halloween alter egos.

COMMENTERS: Did you go to the Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear? Do you have any pics or stories to share? Did you watch The Walking Dead? What did you think? Do you want to remix Josh’s signs and post the results in the comments? Go for it!

Of Draculas And Candy Corn

Happy Halloween! Please do not smash my jack-o-lantern or murder my pets! Here, take some candy to stifle your Satan-fueled rage!

There is a new HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast. Episode 67 is ready to download for free. Vault subscribers can get the uncut version of the show (unedited and almost 2 hours long) and the post show as well.

I have good new for those of you interested in the British Knights shirt. It should be on sale this weekend or early next week. I will update this post with a link when it goes live. It looks fantastic and I am super proud of it.

COMMENTERS: Are you dressing up this year? What are you going as? What’s the most inventive costume you’ve ever seen? What’s the worst “sexy _____” costume you’ve seen (i.e. sexy nurse, sexy iron man, sexy Obama, etc).

At The Late Night, Double Feature, Pitch Corrected Show

“In just seven days, I can make you a man which is totally cool because now I’m a girl so it’s not gay or anything.”

I can’t tell if last night’s Rocky Horror Glee Show was more of a tribute or a trashing of the cult favorite musical. On one hand it exposed a new generation to Rocky Horror that probably never would have sought it out otherwise (as it has done with Journey and… well probably just Journey), but on the other hand it took the transvestite right out of Transylvania. That’s like Phantom without the opera, Sweeney Todd without the murder pies or Cats without all the terrible songs.

PODCAST NEWS!!!
The HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST IS BACK, but I need your help to keep it alive. The goal is to get 300 monthly donation subscribers by the end of the year. Read more HERE if you enjoy the Podcast and want to help.

Some of it was enjoyable (There’s a certain poetry to John “Uncle Jesse” Stamos playing the part originally played by Meatloaf) but I don’t understand the de-gayification of the lead role of Dr. Frank-N-Furter. As network TV goes, Glee is about as gay as it gets (which isn’t saying much), but right from the get-go they seemed to be dodging the 800 lb gay-rilla in the room. At first Mr. Shue offers super-gay Kurt the lead which he immediately turns down saying that he doesn’t want to wear the outfit. This is the same super-gay Kurt whose normal attire consists of blouses made from evening gowns and evening gowns made from bras. He dresses like Annie Lennox if she was the First Lady. Yet somehow a bustier and nylons were too out there for him.

Then Mercedes, based on a novel Push by Saphire takes the role of Dr. Frank-N-Furter and cannibalizes the lyrics of his signature song. And she does it in such an odd way. Per her lyrics, she is STILL a “transvestive” but she hails from a far less fabulous Transylvania. It’s hard to call it a complete cop out since it was such a confusing choice in the first place.

Anyway, as Wil said, “Dear Guy Who Made Glee: Keep your dirty hands off my Rocky Horror Picture Show, or I will kick you in your nuts. I will do it nine times.”

COMMENTERS: Did you see the episode of Glee in question? What did you think? Do you even still watch Glee? Did you ever?

We’re Calling This One Busted

DALLAS AREA FANCY BASTARDS: Come see me at Star Trek Fan Days this weekend (October 23rd – 24th) in Plano, TX. Riker, Data, Worf, Doc Brown, Draco Malfoy, and Captain Kirk will be there! More info HERE.

Flip You Melon Farmer! The “Edited For Content” mug on up for sale NOW!

The Laser Defense Grid App (released by ZingoZany Mobile, a division of The NSA) requires at least an iPhone 3Gs running OS 4.1 and is available in The App Store now. Download it or we’re all going to die.

I know the cover story is that Obama met with the Mythbusters as part of the Whitehouse Science Fair and to film a segment for an upcoming Mythbusters episode, but you know somewhere in the Oval Office desk is a tattered piece of legal paper that says:

Barry’s List Of Things to Do Before I Die

Be a lawyer [X]
Get smoking hot wife [X]
Illinois Senator or at least owner of the White Sox [X]
Get elected first black President of USA [X]
[added 3/16/2005] Become honorary Mythbuster/ press button to blow up a limo or something [X]
[added 4/28/2010] Become friends with Lady Gaga [ ]

As for why he met with Steve Jobs I can only assume that there is actually an extinction level event around the corner and Obama wants to get that Verizon iPhone 4 before he takes his place in one of the arks high in the Himalayas that will safely allow 100,000 of our smartest and wealthiest humans to ride out the apocalypse. He might even get Jonathan Ive to design a stylish, brush aluminum test tube to store giraffe DNA.

The first Presidential iPad autograph?