Close Your Eyes And See The Skies Are Falling

First things first: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT FREAKIN’ BOOK, YO!

Second things second: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE.

And thirdest of all: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH ALL THE FREAKIN’ DEAD BIRDS!? I can only assume nefarious green pigs are involved.

The Best Shammy-Man In Hill Valley

BOOK 2 DEADLINE UPDATE!

The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!!

Less than half of the 150 UFE’s remain! Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

I don’t find it at all surprising that Lorraine Baines Mcfly would have buily a mental blockade around most of the events in Back To The Future. Her young life was a series of traumas the likes of which would lead any sane person down the path of drugs and sexual deviance.

When she was a teenager she was harassed daily by a deranged lunatic who was both physically and mentally abusive. Upon hitting a transient with his car, her father invited the total stranger (whom he believed to be a sailor) into his home and even into his daughter’s bed. She immediately attempted to seduce this unidentified stranger, thrusting her (often inebriated) self at him at every chance. The man she eventually married was the same person that only days before their fateful date and the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance, had been shimmying up her tree to watch her undress through binoculars while he masturbated. This is not a mentally stable young woman with healthy relationships and positive role models. Why do you think her brother ended up in jail?

And then, as an adult, her husband (the fetishistic voyeur public masturbator) invites the man that basically tortured her throughout her youth to come work at their home. I’m sure the mere site of him was enough to trigger a psychotic break. Shortly after the events of Back To The Future, Lorraine was certainly committed to a mental institution where she lived out her remaining years strapped to a table singing “The Power Of Love” by Huey Lewis to herself. When we see her visiting Marty and her grandchildren in the sequel, she is obviously on some sort of visitation furlough and higher than a flying DeLorean. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads. Just pills. PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! THAT’S THE POWER OFFFF LOOOOVVEEE!”

The Silliest Of Bands

BOOK 2 DEADLINE UPDATE!

The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!!

Less than half of the 150 UFE’s remain! Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

I’ve been seeing these commercials on late night TV for a while now touting rubber bracelets that “balance your core” and are “tuned to your body’s frequency” and “take your $30” and “affirm that you shouldn’t be allowed to make your own purchasing decisions” and “call into question your ability to care for yourself without supervision.” I get so angry when I see these types of products that claim to be based on science then proceed to use nonsense, unrelated buzz words in rough juxtaposition to confound the consumer into believing all the answers to their problems lie in $0.40 worth of silicone.

PowerBalance Admits Their Wristbands Are a Scam

I wasn’t really thinking about PowerBalance Bands as a possible comic topic until I saw a few tweets from Mythbuster Adam Savage on the subject. I guess his followers were asking why they didn’t debunk the bands on Mythbusters, to which he replied, “I can’t debunk the science of the stupid bracelets, because there IS NO SCIENCE TO THE STUPID BRACELETS.” It’s nice to see that such blatant snake oilery produces the same ire in Adam as it does in me.

He’s right. There IS NOTHING TO TEST. If you are at all curious as to how they pull off the balance tests on the commercials to seemingly awestruck passers by, it’s a simple bit of physics trickery. Slight of hand. An illusion [not a trick… tricks are something whores do for money, Michael].

Adam also points out how fascinating the Placebo effect is. When I was 17, I had a friend (he was around 40) who could play guitar in essentially every conceivable style with expert level prowess. He was really gifted. He also had carpal tunnel syndrome in his right hand that was preventing him from playing as often as he needed to (he made his living as a guitar teacher). The pain was awful. One day I brought him a magnetic bracelet I’d purchased at Wal-Mart. I was a stupid teenager and hey, magnets right? How the fuck to they work? Long story short he strapped that bracelet on, the pain (which was caused by a medically verifiable condition for which he required surgery) was gone and he continued to play full time with no problems. What I’m saying is the human brain is a stupid, stupid lump of crap and a dirty liar.

I’d also like to point you to this video (and 100’s more like it) where the individual lets you know how to tell the difference between a real Power Band and a fake one. Go ahead and try to wrap your mind parts around that one. I dare you. If you really need one of these things, may I suggest Placebo Bands? They work just as good (which is to say they also do nothing, but at least they come with a free layer of irony).

FRAUD ALERT! IT’S A TRICK! BALANCE and STRENGTH TEST

Somebody’s Watching Me Watching Me

BOOK 2 DEADLINE UPDATE!

The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!!

Less than half of the 150 UFE’s remain and I really need to sell ALL OF THEM to get the print run covered. Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

Something about a home-brewed camera backpack that let you watch yourself from a third person point of view seemed like it would fit right in with Josh’s particular brand of finely attuned narcissism.

Commenters: What other cinematic tropes might Josh encounter in his personal docu-drama? What would it be called? What would happen to the other characters in his film?

Episode 75 of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast is live!

RE: there being a comic on Tuesday when there was previously one on Monday – I am trying something new. Sort of an experiment within The Experiment. No promises yet. I will go into more detail as I figure out what I’m doing.

Along that same line of thinking… Do you enjoy HijiNKS ENSUE? Would you like to enjoy it more frequently? Feeling tipsy? Then drop a tip in the Tip Jar and help me make a crucial decision regarding the future of this comic.

The Blue Box Binge

BOOK 2 NEEDS YOUR HELP!

The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!!

There are less than half of the 150 UFE’s left and I really need to sell ALL OF THEM to get the print run covered. Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

Episode 75 of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast is live! It is a doozy if I do say so myself (spoilers: I do).

Two Doctor Who comic in a row!? Unprecedented! I have been shotgunning Doctor Who episodes 5 or 6 at a time for the last 3 days and the experience has definitely taken it’s toll. I haven’t shaved (though I rarely do), bathed or fed myself since 2010. I only respond to the cries of my wife and daughter with the occasional guttural “yawp,” and I’ve gone completely insane due to lack of sleep (much like Dalek Caan when he flew directly into The Time War). I am only 2 or 3 episodes from the end of the 10th Doctor. After that I can either catch up with 11 or go back and watch 9, and the first 2 seasons of 10. Either way I have dozens of hours of geeky enjoyment ahead of me.

I came up with the idea of this comic while trying to think of a way to describe Tennant’s Doctor to my wife. I stand by the Batman + Picard assertion. I have also worked up a theory that 10 doesn’t actually regenerate due to death, but rather due to suppressing so much god damn pain and rage over the years. He’s constantly putting on a happy face when you know the weight of the universe is burdening his multiple hearts. The regeneration process is like a Time Lord soul-colonic.

Any Who fans should check out these Doctor Who nesting dolls by Molly Lewis. Simply fantastic.