Sound Financial Planning

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EWOK STARE T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE!

Now that I know where to put my money (or whatever we’re using for currency after the fall of man… gasoline, child slaves, bits of twine and figs, etc), what markets should I stay out of completely? I suppose the industries of soap, literature, safety equipment, and signs with rules on them will dry up pretty quick. Best to keep your portfolio heavy on blunt objects, tank treads and hockey gloves wrapped in barbed wire.

I wonder what it takes to get a Thunderdome franchise. That is assuming they’re franchised at all. I mean there can’t be just the one. I’d assume you have to sign up with the home office, put up an initial investment of $50,000 to $75,000 (or the equivalent value in gasoline soaked child slaves) and then wait to see what territory you get assigned. They probably have to be at least 15-20 miles apart. I hope I get a really cherry spot like “The Outlands” “Dryland” (which is a much better market than “The Ocean City Of Floating Despair”) or “Murdertown,” the town famous for being populated 100% by murderers. Murdertown: Come for the murder, stay for the part where we divy up his clothes and shoes… then run, because you’re next. Actually that’s their old town slogan. Recently they shortened it to Murdertown: Those are some nice boots you got there, stranger.

This comic idea came out of a conversation I had with Zach Weiner, James Ashby, and half of Cyanide and Happiness (the handsome, but evil half) at C2E2 in Chicago last month. Zach later informed me that the concept of “investing in Spikes” came from himself, James, Jason Axinn, and Chason Chaffin. I wanted to make sure credit was given where due and say thanks to those guys for inspiring this stupid jpeg.

COMMENTERS: What other industries and sectors would be good to focus on for the savvy, post-apocalyptic investor?

CHECK IT OUT: I put a desktop version of the “You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic in The Vault. A shirt is in the works, so stay tuned.

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You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown

UPDATE: THE SHIRTS ARE HERE!!!

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

I scoured the Internet, positive that someone had already done this. How, in the grand scheme of pop-culture references, had no one ever put these two ideas together? After doing my due Google image searching diligence, I was confident that had this gag already been explored, it was not on the Internet and thus fair game. I did, however find a few pices of “Snoopy as The Doctor” fan art. Odd.

Also, I KNOW “The Doctor Is In” refers to that football-yanking bitch Lucy and not Charlie Brown. I figured as long as I was taking creative liberties I should go for the gusto.

I suppose had I used Matt Smith’s Doctor as my subject I could have given new meaning to “the little red-haired girl.” Maybe someday I’ll do a follow up.

UPDATE: I put a desktop version of this comic in The Vault.

You can donate or become a subscriber to get access.

Afraid Of The Future

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The Chinese government has banned movies and TV shows that depict time travel. They did this presumably in order to prevent filmakers from depicting people traveling back to feudal China and realizes it was terrible or some such nonsense. I assume this whole new legislation was brought on by Ninja Turtles 3. This film must be such a slap in the face to Chinese lawmakers. First of all, turtles are NOT ninja heroes. They are food. Their shells are rendered into a disgusting “turtle jelly” and slurped up in cafes all over China. The fact that they are walking and talking and wisecracking and kicking people instead of being consumed must provoke Communist outrage. Secondly, the film shows feudal China as… oh… wait… it was Japan? They were in Japan? Never mind. Either way that movie was terrible and certainly started this whole time travel mess. If only there was a way to go back in time and prevent that movie from ever…

COMMENTERS: Rather than dwell on the limitations of the freedoms of the Chinese people, let’s focus on siller things. For instance, how would various sci-fi time travel movies be affected were they edited down for broadcast on Chinese TV [I do understand they aren’t actually editing time travel out of movies].

For instance: There’s the raunchy comedy Four Grown Men In An Unremarkable Hot Tub For a Few Minutes. And you can’t forget the Bill Murray classic An Asshole Has One Bad Day In A Shitty Little Town. I assume Primer and Donnie Darko would slip through the cracks seeing as how no one can follow the plot of either of those movies anyway.

A Moment Of Realization

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My wife reminded me that last week was the 3 year anniversary of The Experiment. Wow. I have no idea how that happened (or how it continues to happen every day). You can read more about The Experiment HERE, show your support by DONATING HERE or purchase something delightful for yourself HERE. You can also read my 2 year Experimentiversary write up HERE. Thanks again for allowing me to continue this wonderful and fulfilling job.

Oh yeah, I snuck in a Lo-Fi Comic HERE.

OMG this comic is so dumb. I’m sorry. Sometimes I get these horribly pointless ideas stuck in my head and I have to expunge them from my brains and onto your eyes, dearest Internet, before I can move on and grow as a person. A couple of nights ago I was watching TV and kept seeing two commercials. One about how kids HATE being forced to eat delicious Pop-Tarts and LOVE being forced to eat delicious, but infinitely more complicated Toaster Strudels. If there’s one thing I know about kids (having been one and currently being the owner of one), it’s that they DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want delicious, icing coated cake-pastries for breakfast… unless they are Toaster Strudels brand. They’re alway like, “AWWW MANNNN! Pop-Tarts again?! COCKS TO THAT! Gimme some’o those Toaster Strudels with the infuriating icing packet!”

The other commercial was about this vat covered in knobs and dials that you could cook an entire turkey in. It was like a crock-pot, but for turkeys. Somehow it was better than an oven. Maybe it’s one of those deals where you find yourself cooking 7 or 8 whole turkeys a week and need to free the oven up for less poultry endeavors.

Somehow or another those two adverts made a stupid commercial baby in my brain hole and now you can [enjoy?] it.

UPDATE: See the alternate facial expression for Josh’s “awakening” in this post in The Vault [subscribers only]. You can also download several different avatars for Josh’s face from the final panel.

Not My Hero

HEY! This comic is a shirt now!

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

This incredibly stupid idea hit me last night while watching TV. I did a quick Google search to see if anyone had already thought of it and came across this article about Law And The Multiverse: a blog that discusses the real world legal ramifications that superheroes would face. They actually talk about a Superman story line where, in an alternate universe, Supes became president of the U.S. There’s a decent little line of logic that proves he’s an American-born citizen. Fun stuff, so check it out.

COMMENTERS: Let’s keep the crazy train rolling full steam right into Metropolis. Give me your best Superman-Birther slogan. Here are a few more:

The Last son of WHERE exactly?
Go back to Krypton… Oh, that’s right. YOU BLEW IT UP. Don’t let Superman blow up Earth too (or Earth 2).
Superman? Or Super Socialist?
Why is your identity a secret? TIME FOR THE TRUTH!
In America we speak ENGLISH, NOT Kryptonian!
[picture of Lex Luthor] “Miss me yet?”
Clark “Kal El” Kent: There’s an illegal alien at the Daily Planet
Secret identity? More like secret lie-entity, amirite?