I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.

Eli still hasn’t washed that shirt. Get it? Washed?

Quick post today, so I can get back to toiling in the pixel mines. Alan Tudyk is known for being a gossip and a trouble maker, and a generally cantankerous individual. So it’s no wonder he is out there in Hollywood spreading vicious rumors of a Serenity Sequel (that’s BDS to you of the brown coated persuasion). Actually he’s a very talented and gracious man. My wife and I met him in New York a couple of years ago and I was thoroughly impressed with his treatment of random fans on the street. Also he can sing.

Just as I was about to support the cuase and buy a gross of the Serenity: Collectors Edition DVD’s, I found out that it all may have been a misunderstanding. He might have been talking about “another one” as in “another collectors DVD.”

Keep your fingers crossed and your psychopath/telepath combat-conditioned sisters medicated. If we all buy 40 or 50 Serenity DVD’s we might get a new movie. Remember, they can’t take the sky from us… except that they did.

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I’m in the process of launching an HE store (shirts, etc). Anyone have advice for a shirt printing service other than CafePress? I hear tell they are teh bitches.

Also, anyone want a desktop background with Joel and Eli sitting at the coffee shop? I have a nice hi-res version of that I could work up into a couple of different res’s.

Superman II: The Quest For an Unlocked iPhone

What is up with the tardiness? The last several days I’ve been hard at work on the Super Secret Project(TM). Enough with the waiting, here it is: Apple Insider Comics. A.I. approached me about doing a comic series for them after reading my iPhone Rebate comic. Have a look and drop me a line with your feedback. This should be fun.

I hope you enjoyed today’s comic. This one is a thinker. What does Steve Jobs or the iPhone have to do with Superman II? It’s a riddle. I’ll give you a clue. The answer is hidden somewhere in the comic. Here’s another clue. They don’t have anything to do with each other and the comic doesnt make any sense. In actuality, I was talking to Mikey about Terrance Stamp last weekend and as I drifted off instead of listening to him, I came up with this comic.

THE CREATIVE PROCESS REVEALED!!!

I wonder what Steve’s name is in this one. Steve-El? Jor-Obs? I guess the silken thread connecting all these unrelated concepts was that Steve said, “Go ahead! h4X0rz the shit out of the iPhone!” Then, later, he redacted that statement with, “OH NOZ! Do not h4X0rZ teh iPwn3!!! They R tryz 2 steal mah buckit!!!”

Seriously, I’m just putting LOLCATS references in everything I do from now on.

“Mr. Watson, the charges against you are very serious. How do you plead?”

“Your Honor, Teh gluvs do not fit! I CAN HAZ AQUIT?”

That’s exactly how I am rolling from now on.

I will conclude with this brief tale of woe. I call it, “The Worst Illegal File Sharing Scenario Ever.”

I was working on this comic and realized I needed to see the opening scene of Superman II to get the look right. I IM’d Josh and he had it, but only on HD-DVD. So my brilliant idea is to have us both open iChat and have him point his Macbook Pro at the screen. Admittedly, that is a retarded idea but it gets worse. Josh’s new apartment doesn’t have internet yet, so he is leeching WiFi from his neighbor’s signal… which only works in his bathroom. He’s been interneting on the toilet for a week. So he tried to record it with iMovie and email it to me, but iMovie freaked out. Then he pulls out his point and shoot camera and records the first 5 minutes of Superman II to SD card and transfers the AVI to me over IM. Then we invented the vulcanization process making the wide spread use of rubber possible and practical! Seriously, this was dark ages shit we were attempting. I’m surprised there wasn’t a Dictaphone involved.

K.I.T.T. stands for “Knight rider is reTurning unforTunately “

Or possibly “Knight Rider‘s Not Unix.”

Gnu joke… Anybody? Oh well. It actually stands for Knight Industries Two Thousand. Yes, they spelled out 2000 to make their super R.A.D.D. acronym work. Back in the 80’s, the year 2000 was believed to be so distant in the future (nearly 20 years) that it must be part of a fantastical future scape rife with unimaginable wonders like sentient talking cars voiced by middle school principals. So any time something in an 80’s movie or TV show was supposed to be futuristic, or a thing that doesn’t normally talk had to talk they would tack a “deuce triple ought” to the tail end of it.

When I first read that NBC was bringing Knight Rider back to the smallish screen, I could only think of T.K.R.Team Knight Rider (that’s to those of you outside of the T.K.R. Fan-Fic community). Maybe YourTubes has some Team Knight Rider videos you can watch to better understand why even still I quiver in a cold sweat at the mere mention of teams or knights or anything riding anything else. Just look at the cast list. Keep in mind the names on the left are supposed to be the actors’ REAL names:

Brixton Karnes as Kyle Stewart
Christine Steel as Jenny Andrews
Rick Copp as Clayton
Michael Lexx, as Scott
Steve Forrest as the Shadow

This is either the Team Knight Rider cast or the cast of “Backdoor Glory Hole Creampies IV.”

Oh look, I found a list of understudies:

Tad Firetruck as Jim
Blast Fuckfurnace as Jim C.
Leggz Tittsington as Cheryl
Beaf Manmeat as Jim H.
Chest Tittsingon (no relation) as Tanya “Tits”Tittsington

NBC RESPECTS ME AS AN INTELLIGENT CONSUMER!

Heroes continues to not be X-Men

A virus that only infects super powered individuals? No way.

Josh seems to have a crush on Ali Larter, as much as any gay man can have a crush on a woman. He has similarly misplaced feelings for Kristen Bell, who is also joining the cast of Heroes. He’s often said things like, “Man, this movie is terrible and everyone in it should get flesh eating virus and die… except for Ali Larter. I really like Ali Larter. She should get a prize.”

I caught the premier of Heroes on NBC this week. They are pulling a LOST and introducing new characters before dealing with the ones I actually give a shit and a half about. They are also continuing their sparse display of powers on screen. I want optic blasts and sonic booms, and powers that actually have a physical (or graphical) manifestation. Hiro has a great power but they chose to represent it with a “Squishy Blink” as opposed to any sort of time or space warping effect. Hell, I would settle for a sound effect. A nice “WHOOOAAAAMMMMG!” or “ZOOOOORRRMMP!” would suffice.

How about a few more lame-ass powers that require no CG:

Guy that can reverse the Coriolis effect in Australian toilets (you could just film the toilets in America!)
Guy that can alter international shipping rates at the Post Office (very profitable eBay business)
Guy that can draw crude sexual flip books on Post-It Notes really fast (flip it in reverse and she doesn’t get chlamydia)
Girl that can keep her eyes open when she sneezes (also causes a random person’s brain to melt every time she does it. But she doesn’t know that)

These are all great ideas!

I read that the new Latino heroes (I think their names are Dora and Diego) are real life Wonder Twins. Their powers are somehow connected and activated only when they make out or something. I hate the Wonder Twins so goddamn much. You’ve got these alien siblings with fantastical magic power rings and transmogrification abilities yet one of them can only turn into things made of water.

To compensate they would pull shit like,

“Wonder Twin Powers Activate!”
“Form of a fucking T-Rex with giant teeth and crushing mandibles and an insatiable hunger for flesh!”
“Shape of an Ice Dinosaur!”

They also had a space monkey, Gleek. He couldn’t do shit. Space Ghost’s space monkey, Blip,was a brilliant strategist and decorated hero. Gleek was a poo-flinging retard.

Jonathan Coulton: Zombie Fighting Troubadour pt. 2 (Extinction)

Amazingly enough, there actually is a part 2 to last week’s edition of “Jonathan Coulton: Vampire Slayer Zombie Fighting Troubadour.” First thing’s first. The JoCo show last Wednesday at Club Dada here in Dallas was a blast. Jonathan’s performance was fantastic. JoCo is quite different from most comedy/music acts. Jonathan’s songs seem to be about robots and squids and ruined ponies on the surface but you can tell the underlying emotion is real. It reminds me of a geek that is trying to tell a girl he loves her and all he can muster is a Buffy analogy. Also, I highly recommend Paul and Storm, who opened for Jonathan and backed him up on about 1/3 of his set. They were more or less straight comedy but their set killed.

Afterwards I gave Jonathan a print of the for “JC:ZFT” comic. He signed a copy of it for me and posed for a pic with Josh, my wife, Emily, and myself (as is evidenced below).

What a cool guy. Also, if you haven’t seen JoCo perform “Mr. Fancy Pants” live with his wearable-midi-trigger-contraption… then you haven’t seen that. And you should. Because it was entertaining. If you aren’t a JoCo fan at all and this comic made no sense, please go check out his music page and listen to “Re: Your Brains.” You’ll be smiling when it’s over.

Originally the comic wasn’t going to have anything to do with Resident Evil: Extinction, but Josh dragged us to it and I felt I had to get some kind of value for my $9. It’s my own fault for saying yes. Josh does this shit all the time. Somehow he got me to go to Pulse just by repeating, “It’s got Veronica Mars. It’s got Veronica Mars,” over and over. I didn’t even watch Veronica Mars! It’s as if he were to call and say, “Hey! I got this giant hammer to smash my scrotum to death with and I was thinking you might want to get in on this action.” And somehow I agree.

UPDATE: Revisionist History

Today’s comic, much like the Original Star Wars Trilogy, was released in an incomplete state. It didn’t properly communicate my vision. I rarely go back and make changes unless there are mistakes, but this one just wasn’t all there. So take another look and see what you think. Maybe later I will release the original comic on a Director’s Cut DVD. But it will be a shitty laser disc transfer with 2 channel audio.