Guitar Hero IV: The Inevitable Conclusion

These will be followed by:

Guitar Hero IX: Rock Bottom
Guitar Hero X: Break Up/Rehab
Guitar Hero XI: Behind the Music
Guitar Hero XII: Middle Aged Reunion Tour

Much like every other video game franchise that I have ever found the least bit enjoyable, the Guitar Hero franchise subscribes to the philosophy of “Improvement through Complication” (see all Tony Hawk games after THPS 2 for prime examples) which typically sucks all the fun out of the game and replaces it with more buttons, inane objectives, less enjoyable gameplay and ridiculous difficulty.

So far they have confirmed the additional buttons and drums, not to mention a higher price tag than Rock Band. Time will tell if the game requires you replay every song using a formula based on the Fibonacci Sequence, or to inseminate a wolverine before you can move on.

Does this feel like a “me too!” to anyone else? I will admit that I found the Rock Band Drums to be nearly unplayable. For anyone that actually plays drums, nothing can untrain your brain that toms and cymbals should not occupy the same space on the kit. It should also be noted that I was never able to fully enjoy Rock Band due to lack of convicing lighting and smoke effects. What kind of amatuer hour bullshit were they trying to pull.

While you’re waiting for either Rock Band or Guitar Hero to come out with a giant inflatable pig peripheral, check out this steaming turd of a video.

He’s wed, Jim.

3 seconds after the last panel, a lizard man comes running down the isle. Guess who he attacks first.

George Takei is taking advantage of the recent lift of the ban on gay marriage in California to wed his long time first officer, Brad Altman. Let’s hope Brad chooses less life endangering attire.

When I was drawing Mr. Sulu, I realized that he looks like a cross between Yoko Ono and (current face) Micheal Jackson. Combine that with the fact that he’s a vibrant 71 years old and, Mr. Altman, you’ve got yourself a catch.

I wonder if they will toast their love with delicious Tranya. Only if Balok is catering, one would assume. It’s more likely that Clint Howard would be working as a busboy for the catering company.

While you wait patiently for your invite to the Takei-Altman nuptuals, you should really watch this (thanks Dram).

I bid one dollar, Bob.

All of this and more could be yours, if… the price is right.

This comic is basically factual except that it hasn’t happened yet… or maybe it’s happening right now. I’m not sure, but I’m probably foretelling the future (or at least the present).

Josh is in Chicago this week for Bear Pride. You see, once a year Josh’s people instinctively return to their ancestral homeland of Chicago. Once gathered they begin an ancient ceremonial mating ritual consisting of bar crawls, dancing and alcohol. I suppose there is also plumage involved. At some point he’ll lay his clutch of eggs in the spawning ground, then return home never to see those he mated with again.

I am certain that I’m either talking about Chicago Gays, salmon or rain forest toads. It’s late and things are starting to blur together. Which one has a cloaca?

The unfamiliar face in the first panel is Josh’s friend Perkk (in the blue, not the bouncer in the pink). I told Josh I was doing this comic and asked who should be in it with him. He said it was Perkk‘s birthday, so they honors go to him.

Happy birthday, Perkk, from Josh.

The overall inspiration (and the image of Bob Barker emblazoned on human flesh) came from this Radar Online list of terrible tattoos (specifically this one).

If you want to see something else truly fascinating, I suggest you Google “gayest tattoo ever.” You can stop when you see the “MerMen.” It’s usually the first result. Breathtaking.

If you’re living it up in Chicago this week, I invite you to ~~stalk~~ seek out Josh and show him a good time (not that he needs any help). In fact, see if you can do anything to lessen his good time. We need him back in as close to one piece as possible.

You thought you had seen the last of Auto-Tracking!

Afterward they develop brain parasites that just tell you the basic plot of a movie in a conversational manner.
Not to beat a dead digital video format horse, but this beating stick has a few more whacks left in it (and its got a nice weight… feels really good in your hand.. ya know?). Yesterday, Netflix announced a $100 set top box that (with at least a $9 monthly plan) will let you stream 10,000 movies and TV shows. I know other services exist with this same technology, but not at a $100 price point, Netflix’s catalog and Netflix’s installed user base. You see, if you are already a Netflix subscriber you are already paying for this service. You just need the box. That’s fuck-tastic. I’m going to eBay most of my DVD’s (the one’s I don’t care about at least) and get one of these.

I might have told this story before, but in 2001 or so my friend Farris G. said, “why can’t we just subscribe to a service that has every episode of every TV show ever on demand? You wouldn’t need cable or satellite of DVD’s or anything.” Now, he was making this argument almost solely based on a desire to watch “Quantum Leap” reruns at a moment’s notice, but his point was valid. 7 years later we are extremely close to that ideal.

As I get older and life gets busier and more complicated, I care less and less about owning a physical representation of my audio and video media. I find DVD’s expensive and cumbersome (how’s that for jaded?). I’m sick or storing them and sick of paying $20 for them when I typically watch them 0-1 times over their life span. I don’t care about special features or commentaries any more. I am a perfect fit for a service like this.

I think we all realize that Blu-Ray is a stop gap to all-digital distribution. I predict it will have the shortest overall lifespan of any major format before it. The Netflix service isn’t HD yet, but it will be. And the box they are selling today will be firmware upgraded to accept HD content.

Give me a box that can stream any movie or TV show, and a wireless internet iPod that can access any song instantly and I will most likely stop trying to “own” my files. Sure, I’ll but the LOTR trilogy in the highest definition possible, and certain albums I might want in lossless format, or buy just to support the artist, but for the most part I just want to be able to call up an episode of “Arrested Development” from any TV in the house without having to go the store or fumble with a disc.

Speaking of, I’ve been doing just that on Hulu lately as I draw and it’s pretty fantastic. I also watched “Dave Chapelle’s Block Party” this morning… instantly, and for free. I highly recommend both the service and the Chapelle. The movie was very fun and uplifting. He’s just a normal guy living an extraordinary life.

Update:

Several mostly positive reviews of the ROKU Netflix box.

Yo, Homes, Smell Ya’ Later

No, I didn’t concoct this ridiculous sitcom-pitch scenario. Will “The Fresh Prince” Smith is opening a school (like for children) that will have curriculum based on the teachings of Scientology.

Here’s hoping for history textbooks with spaceships, “Carlton Dance” aerobics in gym class, graduation commencement by Tom Cruise in a (historically accurate) Xenu mask and, most of all, Dean Jazzy Jeff.

If it’s not too late to enroll, I’m sending my daughter there to be brainwashed… educated in the ways of our savior, L. Ron Hubbard.

I guess this is the first appearance of the HE-Minis, or HE-Kids or Lil’s HE’s or whatever. I almost gave Eli the beard even though he’s supposed to be 8. I don’t think his actually came in until he was 11.