Yo, Homes, Smell Ya’ Later

No, I didn’t concoct this ridiculous sitcom-pitch scenario. Will “The Fresh Prince” Smith is opening a school (like for children) that will have curriculum based on the teachings of Scientology.

Here’s hoping for history textbooks with spaceships, “Carlton Dance” aerobics in gym class, graduation commencement by Tom Cruise in a (historically accurate) Xenu mask and, most of all, Dean Jazzy Jeff.

If it’s not too late to enroll, I’m sending my daughter there to be brainwashed… educated in the ways of our savior, L. Ron Hubbard.

I guess this is the first appearance of the HE-Minis, or HE-Kids or Lil’s HE’s or whatever. I almost gave Eli the beard even though he’s supposed to be 8. I don’t think his actually came in until he was 11.

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  1. Problem is, they never actually say anything overtly one or the other. -Like John Travolta and that wife of his going on Entertainment Tonight promoting their big campaign to stop all of the "over-diagnosing" of kids as having ADHD or ADD, and being treated with drugs for it. There's no subtext there at all.

  2. Scientology School… sounds crazy enough to be spawned from a celebrity… though I am rethinking Will Smith's value to human society… Lil Josh, Lil Eli, and Lil Joel are awesome! Loved all the shoutouts to The Fresh Prince, and Tom Cruise as the guidance counselor… Muy exellente

  3. There is NOTHING I enjoy more than poking fun at Scientologists. Except possibly singing the Fresh Prince theme song at the top of my lungs. Fantastic comic today!

  4. You may be thinking of "Fair Game". CoS members are also allowed to kill anyone who is declared a "suppressive person" or "SP"–basically anyone officially blacklisted by the Church for challenging their brand of crazy.

  5. I hope the HE minis don't go the way of the baby looney tunes…

    Anyway, it seems senor Smith has pledged allegiance to the xenu despite what he said on the I Am Legend extras…

  6. Why'z Josh gott'a look all sad 'bout being a homo-gay?! And do scientologists not believe in homosexuality? -I thought L. Ron Hubbard was a gay pedophile on that boat he was riding around on all over the place? And since when can you be Black and a Scientologist? It was my understanding that scientologists thought that being black was caused by the thetans of the ones closest to the volcano when the hydrogen bombs detonated? -So that they're too heavily thetan-ized to be cured?

  7. Love Li'l Eli's jacket and Li'l Josh's expression in the last panel. Mocking the L-Ron-ish is just icing on the cake.

    Where do they get the women for the sham marriages anyway? From a "Girls with low self esteem" shoot?

  8. It most certainly IS unusual.

    I loved this comic, first of all cause it's cute as all hell. But also, I just had the coat pointed out to me.

    You'd think Will Smith is self/career-aware enough that he can sense that the SciLons have a bad rep for a reason. What sort of black voodoo did the CoS pull?

  9. I believe that's the big draw for celebrities. Apparently, Scientology can "cure" you of your homo-tendencies. Makes sense, since Tom Cruise has been plagued by gay rumors for years.

  10. Don't worry, I totally missed it too. It wasn't until I was reading the accompanying blurb that I saw it.

    Hehe… that being said, Mini-Joel reminds me sort of a Mini-Gabe from Penny Arcade.

  11. Man, I always respected him as a person and an actor (though Wild Wild West and MIB II did shake that briefly), but if Will Smith's becoming a Scientologist, I think I may have to re-evaluate my opinion of him.

  12. I notice Josh only scores around a 5 on the Kinsey scale. Does that mean there were some heterosexual incidents in his past? That's ok, everyone goes through an experimental phase.

  13. One of the basic philosophies of scientology is that non Scientologists arent worthy of honesty and you should lie to and manipulate them in order to further the needs of scientology. There is a specific phrase for this tactic which eludes me now. Its the same idea as lying to a child because they're too dumb to know any better.

  14. I read an email one from the Wife from "King of Queens" to all the mini SciLons that were beneath her. It was FUCKING INSANE! it was 4 pages of rambling nonsense with no real message or purpose. Reminds me of brainwashing techniques.

  15. One of his objectives as part of "Project Celebrity" (look it up, I swear) is to convert as many high profile celebs as possible. Its a very good tactic. People naturally look up to and try to emulate celebrities.

  16. That's because they make it ok to be rich and famous. (You _deserve_ to be rich.) If your money and fame (or your own sense of self) don't give you the validation you yearn for, the SciLons are happy to provide…

  17. Creating a massive tax shelter that's also a equally massive pyramid scam that's got all kinds of legal protection from the government, criticism, or censorship = fucking brilliant and evil in equal parts.

  18. Apparently I killed twitter… After reading one of your posts from the previous comic about getting updates on twitter when someone replies to a comment I figured I'd bite the bullet and at least try the whole twitter thing (I'd been morally opposed to it because it seemed like an incredibly self obsessed thing to me. I naturally hate talking about myself, and that seemed to be its primary purpose). Anyway, I read up on it, saw a bunch of articles talking about how it's useful for this and that so I downloaded a client and went to the site to sign up for an account. Well, after waiting for about 5 minutes twitter.com finally timed out. Checked back a little later, got it to load, and then it barfed trying to create my account. Color me impressed. Finally got an account created and now my client can't log in, and when I went to check your twitter page I get a little graphic telling me more or less that twitter is dead at the moment. Yes, clearly the social has arrived.

    Is this sort of thing normal, or did I just pick a really bad time to try out twitter?

  19. and on a completely unrelated note, that's an awesome nick. It reminds me of smarmosaur which was I believe coined over on QuestionableContent but I could be wrong (it's the first place I've ever seen it).

  20. Read on someplace (think it was the wikipedia article) that it's written using rails so it doesn't surprise me it's having problems. Rails is notorious for having memory leaks and in general being entirely unsuitable for any decent sized production system.

  21. don't forget the instructional breakdancing book from the 80's. i remember wanting that so bad, it even came with a big fold-out mat! altho i'm told cardboard worked just as well… 😛

  22. I saw one where he told the interviewer, "if you are sick… I can do things to heal you… without medicine…"

    Things. He can "do things." He wouldnt say what they were, but they were certainly better than science.

  23. Uh, Will Smith is actually Christian, not a Scientologist; he says he respects all religions. Him and his wife DONATED to a school in which one of the teaching methods (Study Technology) was developed by Hubbard BEFORE he created Scientology. Although I don't know much about it's effects, in theory it sounds good.

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