The Hobo Code of Honor

If the man yer dealin’ with asks for an activated iPhone, he’s gettin’ an ACTIVATED iPhone. A hobo’s word is his bond. So is his switchblade. Wait, that’s a crappy code. I think it’s, “A hobo is only as good as his word, and his word is only as good as his stabbing ability.” No, it’s definitely, “A hobo stabs first and stabs questions later.”

Looks like Apple had some trouble activating all those new iPhone 3G’s and ended up sending people home with iBricks. “Thanks for 7 hours in line, $200 and a 2 year commitment! Here’s a thing that doesn’t work!”

You old school Fancy Bastards may remember “Apple Store Guy” from the EXTREMELY short lived Mac-themed comic I did for Apple Insider.

On a related note, THIS is my favorite comic about Hoboes who are also cats.

OMFGGG

That’s right. Boxcar M-F’ing Pete. I need to see about getting him on the Podcast.

I toyed with the idea of unlocking my current iPhone and eBaying it to some far away land where they aren’t actually available so I could afford an iPhone 3G. Then I started seeing reviews and articles saying, “The 3G data is pretty cool, but what you really want is the 2.0 firmware! It’s like a robot with laser tits!” Since my iPhone can have said tit-bot firmware for free, I’ve opted to postpone any possible upgrade scenario for now.

I updated iTunes and downloaded the 2.0 firmware (a day early since I’m such a cheeky monkey), and got my App Store on. I grabbed some of the free apps that looked useful (Twitterific, AIM, a flashlight thing, and Remote). Remote is an app from Apple that let’s you control your iTunes through your phone. I don’t want to go into a long review, but it’s freaking awesome. You can browse your entire lib(r)ary, view album art, etc from your phone. The communication was almost instant. I have bluetooth turned off, so I assume it uses WiFi or dark wizardry.

My advice: hold on to your original iPhone for now (or, if you never bought one in the first place, pick one up used from a jumpy upgrader sans contract). Wait for a significant update, like 32 or 64 gb’s. The apps really do make this a new device with a lot more potential. I want to buy Band, but I’m waiting for Josh to be my guinea pig.

UPDATE: They’ve already cracked the new firmware.

Dethkomercial

I had previously mentioned that the airing of a commercial for a video game on stage between bands at the Dethklok concert was… unwelcome at best. Turns out that particular part of the show hasn’t been very well received by the audiences at each of their tour stops. I assume the fire that halted a San Francisco Dethklok show was the result of a disgruntled fan that didn’t want to be sold anything else after purchasing a $30 ticket with $15 in convenient charges, a $25 shirt and several $4 beers.

It was a lot like the first time I saw a commercial at a movie theater instead of just trailers. You’re excited for the entertainment you’ve paid for and are about to enjoy and then something happens to make you feel ashamed and dirty. When they began projecting the advert on a 50 foot wide screen in front of us Josh panicked and began trying to fast forward the concert. I explained that what were were experiencing wasn’t recorded on a Tivo but was actually a live event that couldn’t be time-shifted. He then tried to delete the torrent. I just held him as he acted out his paranoid psychosis and wept.

I get it. Touring is crazy expensive, and when a corporation approaches you and offers to foot some or all of the bill if you agree to certain impositions on behalf of your audience it’s probably pretty difficult to say no. I guess it just seemed like the kind of thing that would be more at home at a Panic at the Disco show than a Dethklok concert. That logic, and my disapproval, really don’t make any sense seeing as how “Dethklok” is just an advertisement for an ad supported cartoon, DVD’s and other merchandise. Like I said, I actually enjoy their music regardless of their fantastically entertaining television program.

I remember seeing Weezer at the first Honda civic tour in the early 2000’s. That was my first experience with corporate sponsored rock and roll. There were Honda Civics on the floor of the concert that you could sit in. I think there was a mosh pit test drive too. There were tents where I could play Playstation racing games featuring the all new Civic, and informational booths where I could learn more about the ABS brakes, dual airbags, and “roomier than you would think” interior. I got a free Weezer poster at that show. Well, it said “Weezer” in tiny letters. Mostly had a picture of a car. And the name of a car.

In all honesty, I really wasn’t even all that offended at the Dethkomercial. I was just VERY SURPRISED to see it DURING a metal show. That’s all.

Brutal

Josh and I saw Dethklok live on Saturday night.

It’s hard to explain the series of mental hoops one has to jump through upon realization that you’ve just paid $50 to see a cartoon heavy metal band play live. I’ve said this before on the HE Podcast, but I enjoy Dethklok in a completely un-ironic way. I know the band members are technically animated characters on an Adult Swim show, but I listen to their music just like any other band. Actually, I think I enjoy them more than most bands because there’s a built in mechanism where they CAN’T take themselves too seriously… because they don’t exist.

Dethklok manages to perfectly blend my interests in rock & roll, comedy and satire. Their music instantly transcends being a “joke” because Brendon Small, the show’s co-creator and composer, is a fantastic metal musician. Josh and I were talking after the show about how amazing this guy’s life seems (on paper). He got to make a fairly popular cartoon (Home Movies), then somehow he got to make an extremely popular cartoon (Metalocalypse), then through some series of witchcraft and enchantment he parlays that cartoon success into becomming an actual rock star. And make no mistake, he was a FUCKING ROCK STAR.

The first panel of this comic actually happened. We wondered aloud if the audience would consist more of Adult Swim fans or Metal fans. It was almost entirely the latter. The legitimacy the crowd granted this intentional farce was a site to behold. The opening bands (Chimaira and Soilent Green) were ACTUAL metal bands. They have paid their dues (or were still paying them), toured the country, scraped by and earned the respect of the people in the audience. They were both very well received. Dethklok, on the other hand, A) doesn’t even exist, and B) has only played a grand total of 30 or 40 shows to date and they were greeted like the second coming of Lemmy.

The show itself consisted of the band playing live while synced up animation plaid on the screen behind them. It was a good mix of scenes from the show and all new clips. Every 3 or 4 songs, the human band would exit the stage and we’d get 2 or 3 minutes of bonus animation, such as an orientation from “Face Bones,” and vinette about Murderface pissing sitting down.

Show Highlights were:

Extended Skwisgar sex scene in “Thunderhorse”
The “Duncan Hills Jingle” live
The fact the Brendon Small can sing live as Nathan Explosion with no effects
Brendon Small carrying on a live conversation between Nathan, Skwisgar and Pickles
Pickles and Nathan’s dueling vocals on “Hatredcopter” despite being voiced by the same dude
MURMAIDER MURMAIDER MURMAIDER MURMAIDER!!!
Seeing “Go Into the Water” live (it’s my favorite Dethklok song)

Check out some full reviews from Saturday’s show at Dethklok.org.

Cuatro de Julio

Did I get the Spanish right this time? (edit: NO! but I fixed it.)

Enjoy your day off, explodify as many things and possible and eat something that was cooked outdoors. If you see anyone from Great Britain, make sure you enunciate all your “H’s.” That’ll remind them how they lost this sweet ass land mass with all its awesome resources.

If you are British, get drunk and cry yourself to sleep thinking of how beautiful it could have been. Better luck next time, SUCKERS!

EDIT: I guess it’s not obvious that I’m just making jokes and I hold no ill will to the British. New Zealanders… oh that’s another story. Damn Kiwis.

EDIT EDIT: Ok, so after getting a call from the New Zealand Embassy, I have decided to redact all negative comments about those dirty dirty… lovely people. At least they aren’t Merpeople. God damn fishlegs.

EDIT EDIT EDIT: All people of the land and sea are equally appreciated and welcomed to enjoy this comic. We are the world. We are the children.