The WarranTards!

Microsoft once again has their alchemists hard at work trying to decipher the formula for “Apple Cool” and distill it into a easily replicable process. Let’s look at their last 3 “cool” efforts:

Windows “Mojave”: “Hey! Did you hear how shitty Vista was? You did? Well check this out! You like it? Oh really? THIS IS VISTA YOU IDIOT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHFUCKYOU!”

Gates and Seinfeld… doing things: “Hey, you’re Bill Gates.” “Hey, you’re Jerry Feingold.” “It’s Seinfeld… You wanna buy some expensive shoes?” “Sure” (together)”VISTA!”

Now take out the part where they say “Vista.” That’s the campaign. They aren’t selling anything but confusion.

Microsoft Gurus: Well this hasn’t really started yet, but I assume it will go something like, “I want to buy a PC.” “Great! You know it has Windows Vista. Let me extoll the virtues of Vista to you… the Visturtues, if you will.” “Yeah, that’s cool… I’m going to buy a Mac. You guys sell those too right?”

Now, I realize this comic isn’t actually about MS Gurus, but it did give me an opportunity to show you Best Buy through my eyes. I went with Josh to buy a camera at Best Buy a while back and they were seriously trying to sell him a replacement plan that didn’t cover anything beyond the manufacturers warranty. When I pointed that out the WarranTard in question died a little inside and finished ringing us up.

DON’T FORGET!!! PODCAST CASTCAST TONIGHT!!!

(INFO HERE)

With So Much Drama In The LHC

Alternate title: You Down With LHC?

Post coming later today (assuming the universe is still here).

I’ve been planning an LHC (yeah, you know me) comic for about a month and today seemed like the best time to pull the trigger. Acting under the assumption that there this is still an “is” and the Swiss have failed at their attempt to explode every molecule in our bodies at the speed of light, I’ll go ahead and breath a cautious sigh of relief. I’m all for science. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just more for… being and such.

I have a relative that worked on the Superconducting Super Collider here in TX before the project was shut down and the miles of underground tunnels were converted to miles of ABANDONED underground tunnels. I used to hope that they would get it up in running and I would be able to sneak on on “Family Day” or something and use the machine to shoot a peanut butter sandwich through an orangutan. Seems like they would have an ample supply of both.

I’ve been collecting Large Hadron Collider related links for a few weeks in hopes of making some sense out of any of these “Big Un-Bang” claims that have been floating around the tubertrons. In the end, the only thing that was clear was that “Goatsengularity” is the reason I was put on earth. I have enriched the world and touched each of your lives and now I can return to my stasis pod and sleep for 1000 years or until I am needed again.

A few FB’s made their peace with the world on the eve of it’s destruction.

Here’s the links I mentioned:

Cerveza Libre

And now you know. Eli’s parents are both Luchadores. Wait, is this character development? God I hope not.

This comic has elements of truth in it. There WAS a party sponsored by Josh and Eli’s work to promote their new game. , and I WAS invited (as were all of you… you just didn’t know it). Apparently they had a famous jazz musician providing entertainment.

Speaking of his sordid comic past, Eli and I actually came up with a pretty good back story. You see, he comes from a long line of Mexican Wrestlers. He shamed his parents by going to art school instead of following in the family business. His father is forced by honor to continue wrestling until the day his son can take over his mask and mantle.

Here’s your challenge: Come up with Eli’s parents wrestling names, and additional back story including rivalries, lineage, etc. If I like it, your ideas might become HE canon. Post your contributions in the comments.

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NEW ART IN THE VAULT OF SECRET AWESOME!!!

Check out the first 16 pages of sketches of my abandoned syndicated newspaper style comic about a boy and his robot circa 1999/2000.

Subscribers and donors can check it out in the Vault. You can also download desktop wallpapers and listen to Podcast Post Shows.

In A World

Any regular reader of HE knows of my love for the craft of voice acting and voice over, and my respect for the artists that bring our favorite characters and movie trailers to life. So it’s no surprise that the passing of Don LaFontaine has saddened me deeply.

He was a master voice over artist that helped define the movie going experience for multiple generations of film fans. His unmistakable “chainsaw through gravel” baritone could deftly shift from evoking terror to inciting laughter. He voiced more than 5000 movie trailers over the last 40 years and spawned a slew of sound-alike imitators. Despite these accomplishments as a VO artist, I find his personal story equally laudable. This was a guy that could write his own ticket and for that I respect him all the more. When he got tired of going to the studios (in his limo), he made the studios come to him. He set up a home studio and took remote cues from directors miles away. He commanded a million dollars per film, yet remained humble calling himself, “the luckiest man on earth.”

In honor of Mr. LaFontaine, I suggest each September 1st be designated “Talk Like Don Day.” When you order your pizza, or check out at the grocery store through in a few “in a world’s” and “one man’s” here and there. I also suggest we officially coin the phrase “graveltas” (gravel + gravitas) when referring to the way the man spoke.

Here’s to you, Don. Godspeed, you fancy bastard.

No Castcast this week. All the Gearbox peoples will be at a company sponsored alcohol trough.

Super-Herois A Liga Da Injustica

…as it is known in Brazil.

There is no way to make fun of “Disaster Movie” that wouldn’t debase both you and me, so I’m not even going to try. The internets have already labeled it as a reverse afterbirth in slow motion, so what else can I say? I will point out that IMDB users have voted it the “Worst Movie of All Time.” This is a serious allegation, because these people have probably also seen “Manos: The Hands of Fate.”

UPDATE:

0% on Rotten Tomatoes

If you are reading this via RSS, you may notice a the comic is now full sized.

Check that shit out!

That’s really how I prefer reading my comics (full sized in Google Reader), so I figured many of you felt the same way. Expect ads to show up in the RSS feed soon, but hey, the comic is bigger… so deal.

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