The Secret Life Of The Xenomorph Teenager

52 Comments

1. Does he have headphones on? LOL

2. Awesome. Just plain awesome.

3. awesome comic. how do you think of these things? lol "xenomorph teenager"

4. I think the comic has made the comment challenge kinda redundant.

   Wish I could afford the special fancy edition of the book this month. Well, who knows, maybe by the time I get paid again next week they won’t have sold out, though that would probably make Joel cry. If it is sold out, well, I’ll be happy just to have all these strips printed, plus the kind of stuff I could probably look at in the Vault already but don’t, because I’m the kind of guy who buys the special extended edition DVD with commentary and extras for twice as much and then just watches the main feature.

   • Thank <insert deity here> I'm not the only one who pays for luxuries needlessly. Mind you, I have ordered the uber leet special fancy leet ninja edition (ok, I forgot what it was called. It would be the Ultimate Fancy Edition, with Ultimate Fancy Artist Edition Upgrade), and I plan to enjoy the fuck out of that, extras and all.

5. "Who's going to feed the tiny mouth, Joseph?! Who?!"

   You, sir, win a lifetime's supply of internets.

   • That cracked me the fuck up. I'm still laughing. And peeing a little.

   • Agreed!

6. Very cool. Here's my idea of a sitcom:

   Title: Meet the Swansons

   Characters:
   Alien Queen – she is large and in charge – addicted to soaps. Constantly makes comparisons "As the World Turns", etc.
   Alien Father – main family bread winner. Works as a prison guard/wrangler in the prison colony's foundry and hazardous waste facility. This opens the door for various guest characters that are either other human or alien guards, and occasional prisoners on a work detail.
   Alien son – young, 15 year old, listens to rap all the time. For some reason wears really long pants down, although the rest of the family wears clothes only to fit in and occasionally.
   Alien daughter – 17 year old immature queen. Periodically gets into fights with the mother, alluding that when she is old enough, she will depose, kill, and eat the queen, and be the one in charge of the family.
   Human host – a human female impregnated by the son. Spends the first season hanging in a cocoon in the middle of the living room, moaning and making snide remarks. In the later seasons the face hugger will be born, and the human host will be relocated into an iron lung-like apparatus in order to survive.
   Alien face hugger – to be introduced in the middle of the first season or during sweeps. Spends all the time in a high chair, being spoon fed by the queen. Catch phrase: "That's the way the chest wall crumbles!"

   • O. M. G. …..

     "That's the way the chest wall crumbles!"….I don't know whether to laugh or cringe!

     Well done, friendly Cardassian, well done.

7. I do feel it's my solemn nerd duty to point out, however, that this is inconsistent with the xenomorph life cycle. Eggs are laid by a queen. Said eggs then produce facehuggers, which impregnate hosts. The resulting "chest-burster" grows into a mature xenomorph, displaying certain genetic traits of the host. ____And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go thank my wife for the fact that, despite the fact that I can type the above paragraph, I actually get to have sex on a regular basis… 😛

8. I do feel it's my solemn nerd duty to point out, however, that this is inconsistent with the xenomorph life cycle. Eggs are laid by a queen. Said eggs then produce facehuggers, which impregnate hosts. The resulting "chest-burster" grows into a mature xenomorph, displaying certain genetic traits of the host.

   And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go thank my wife for the fact that, despite the fact that I can type the above paragraph, I actually get to have sex on a regular basis… 😛

   • Yes yes…all hail to the geek loving women! So say we all!

     • SO SAY WE ALL!

       • SO SAY WE ALL!

     • So say we all!!

   • Geeky = Sexy

9. There's also Bitchy Cheerleader Xenomorph, who's been on the pill since she could spread her legs, but is dealing with a difficult case of herpes…and I'll give you a hint: it's not on the mouths.

   • *ponders slutty cheerleader xenomorphs and extra mouths*

     Xenomorph blowjobs: too complicated, or a true blessing? Find out tonight on Talk Sex with Sue Johanson.

     • "Join us on next week's Talk Sex as we explore facehuggers and autoerotic asphyxiation with special guest David Carradine!"

       …too soon?

       • Oh, not too soon by any means – he would have loved that.

         Have you hugged a face today?

10. "My girlfriend impaled 27 faces!"

    "In a row?"

    • You sir, deserve a "Win!"

    • "No! Of course not… in short controlled bursts."

11. Exxxxxxcellent. Loving it. 🙂

12. Oh. Great. Just what I needed. Another humbled but lovable webcomic to get hooked on.

13. I really love emo Joseph.

14. Alien Queen arrives home, immediately goes to kitchen and starts dissolving aluminum trays with acid spit, then eating them. Alien Dad walks in.

    "Honey, you home?"

    Queen continues to eat trays.

    "Honey, why isn't dinner ready yet? I'd expect your Queen Jelly to be on the table before now."

    Queen stops eating tray, screeches.

    "Oh don't you start with me, Gerald! Don't you start!"

    "Here we go–you're PMSing again, aren't you?"

    "That's your excuse EVERY time, isn't it? You can't even bother to learn about how I'm feeling, it's always just PMS! Nevermind that this psychobitch human violated the nesting grounds today and burned my eggs alive! Nevermind that I had to RIP MY ASS OFF to go after this bitch! Nevermind that I got smacked around, choked, and blasted into space today! It's obviously PMS!"

    Alien Dad pauses for a minute, then says:

    "So…you are PMSing, then?"

    Alien Queen eats him.

15. I think they need the abortion pill for teens impregnated by aliens.

    • contact pills dog… think about it

16. For all the first half of season one, they think she's pregnant until they notice she's still feeling fine. She ditches just in time. It turns out she faked it and is indeed not a host of his baby. She's been using him all along as a promo gig for her role in a new star trek reality show deal. He deals with the confusion over whether he still loves her inspite of what she's done to him. Etc etc etc. 😀

17. How about "Alien Vs. Creditor" as one of the episodes, where Alien Teen's mobile/cell phone bills go through the roof?

    • omg AWESOME!!! LMAO!!!

18. Alien Pragnancy issues. That is just priceless. Amazing comic.

19. Isn’t it the face-hugger that does the impregnating and not the xenomorph?

20. Ummm… Thats sorta kinda disturbing… Especially considering my age… Ummm…
    Ok…

21. The aliens don't actually impregnate the host, the "facehugger" does… But still, great.

22. to old for this … don't get it …
    No i wouldn't apologize!
    pierre

23. Don't get it myself, I find it slightly… concerning? I think that's the word I'm looking for!

24. oh, is rape funny now? this is disturbing and just not funny at all.

    • Are you serious? You can take the absurd premise of an alien getting a human pregnant and turn it into "im outraged by your rape joke"? Not everything is a soapboxable issue. Sometimes a silly joke is just a silly joke.

25. The parent alien should be holding the dead headhugger like a gross used condom

26. It's the movie Aliens and latter spoofed in Spaceballs for those who don't get it.

27. how are people not getting this?? its from the Alien movie series.. one of the best most bad ass movies ever.. even my old man gets it

28. "KiiiiLLLLL mEEEE!!!!!"