I Am… Smeagol Fierce

The ONE Ring, that is. Stupid, fat Hobbitses.

I… I don’t know. I watched Return of the King (AGAIN x Infinity) a week or so ago, then I saw the fall finale of Glee and I immediately became fixated on Gollum dancing in a black unitard. It’s a pretty safe bet that Beyonce’s ring and Lord Sauron’s probably have similar inscriptions.
“…and in the darkness bind them.”

I will say that I stand by the idea that Glee pushes all the right geek buttons despite having no alien robots (that we know of… I’m looking at YOU wheelchair kid). Does that make me a “Gleek”? When I was in middle school, “gleeking” was a special way of spitting on people using only the saliva glands. I couldn’t do it. It required intense focus, muscle control and that you be a gigantic asshole that’s always spitting on people.

Oh, and if you’re wondering (or playing “Is He Dead Yet?” bingo at home), yes I was back at the hospital last week. I had an allergic reaction to something (no idea what unless it was a another vitamin C overdose) and most of my torso turned red and began swelling to abnormal size. I put up with it for a few days then got freaked out and went to the ER for some steroids. I am better now… for now.

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY COME SEE ME AT WEBCOMICS RAMPAGE IN AUSTIN, TX!!!
I’ll see you at Dragon’s Lair Comics starting at 12 Noon. [DETAILS HERE]

O.W.L. Or G.E.D?

A nice online wizarding correspondence school sounds pretty good after 3 or 4 years of nearly dying horribly at the hands of ultimate evil, doesn’t it Harry? I bet you’d rather spend your educational hours in your boxers, eating Toasters Strudles in front of a laptop than struggling to survive against insurmountable odds while all of your friends and loved ones are maimed and murdered (all while still trying to maintain a respectable GPA). Let Neville be the chosen one for a while. Get yourself a mother effing wizard associates degree! No employer really checks to see where you went to school anyway.

THIS WEEKEND IS WEBCOMIC RAMPAGE IN AUSTIN, TX!!!
Come see me and many of your other favorite webcartoonists at Dragon’s Lair Comics. [DETAILS HERE]

SPEAKING OF THE EDWARD SHIRT
Team Edward (James Olmos) shirts are now linked on Olmos Productions official online STORE. There will be more cool things to announce on this front soon.

The Down Underdome

[The comic is a rough draft for now. I’ve been really sick all week and had another ER visit last night for an allergic reaction to something (don’t know what) that caused a crazy rash over most of my body. Yay for Steroids! The completed comic will be posted late tonight.]

Josh also thinks Tina Turner is the Australian Prime Minister. She isn’t? Right?

I got the idea for this comic when I noticed a link to my “Edward” shirt coming from the Australian SciFi Channel Blog. I realized that they had never made the ugly transition from properly named television network to Polish venereal disease like their US counterpart, SyFy, had. Further inspection revealed that all worldwide SciFi affiliates retained the original nomenclature. I guess American’s are the only ones that need to “imagine greater,” “unthink different,” or “expect disappointment” or whatever their new slogan is.

THIS WEEKEND IS WEBCOMIC RAMPAGE IN AUSTIN, TX!!!
Come see me and many of your other favorite webcartoonists at Dragon’s Lair Comics. [DETAILS HERE]

SPEAKING OF THE EDWARD SHIRT
Thank you so much to everyone that has purchased one. It is officially my fastest and best selling product ever. I received a sample print today and I think they look great. They will start shipping later this week. I don’t want to say too much, since not everything is finalized yet, but I was contacted by Olmos Productions last week regarding the shirt. Expecting a swift cease and desist order I was overjoyed to learn that they liked the shirt and were interested in working with me on a project or two. More details to come as things unfold.

Makin’ Bacon

Mmm Mmm! Tastes Like Science!

Lab grown meat might be 5 years or more away from reaching consumers but I guarantee you Arby’s is already doing preliminary market research.

Speaking of Arby’s, I’ve been deathly ill for the last few days. It’s made comicing, breathing, and not drowning in my own head juices extremely difficult. My wife is sick with the same bug (I’m thinking radioactive scorpions), and she’s had it for almost 2 weeks, so the prospects of me feeling like a real human soon are slim to… sorry I just coughed up one of my kidneys and it had a very disappointed look on it’s face. I don’t see why we are letting the V’s roam around our planet all willy nilly if they can’t even cure the common cold.

To add ridiculousness to injury, the cough drops I was downing one after another for an entire day turned out to contain 100% of my daily recommended Vitamin C. In case you didn’t know, your body simply will not accept 40,000% of the daily recommended dose of Vitamin C so it tries to get rid of it any way it can. Vit-C is water soluble so a but too much and you’ll just pee it out. WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH and it starts coming out of your pores. So now I’ve got a “cough drop rash” over most of my torso. Science is neat.

STORE UPDATE:
The Team Edward shirts are selling extremely well. In fact I’m a bit concerned about actually getting these order fulfilled. If you want one before the holidays (and you’re in the USA) you should probably order immediately… like tonight. Thanks to everyone who has ordered one, blogged about it linked to it in any way. This is my all time best selling product and it’s only been available for 1 day.

All Ultimate Fancy Edition Books are sketched and shipped. If you think you ordered one and haven’t received a confirmation email from me, then you need to email me so we can figure it out. As far as I can tell there are 3 UFE’s (signed & numbered out of 150) left that were never sold. I will make these available once I’m convinced they don’t belong to anyone.

The Special Sauce

I just can’t seem to remember to cancel my Black Friday sale in the HE Store. I sure hope no one is in the mood for savings, because they could really take advantage of my forgetfulness. If someone wanted to know more about the fantastic savings or the new products (including the first ever HE Button Pack!) I suppose they could click HERE.

If you celebrated Thanksgravy this year I hope it was both gluttonous and slothful. Mind was both as is evidenced by my massive hangover. Well, I’m not sure if you call it a hangover when you’re talking about pie but you get my drift. Conventional wisdom would say you can avoid pain the next morning my alternating pumpkin and chocolate pecan pie every half hour. My experiments prove this to be false and delicious.

The more I learn about Hobo Thanksgiving traditions the more fascinated and repulsed I am. I mean I am literally dry heaving with Hobo holiday knowledge and cheer. Did you know the King of the Hobos pardons one “gravy rat” each year? It’s really just a symbolic thing because as soon as the rat escapes seven or 40 hoboes pounce on it with rusted cutlery that once belonged to a Denny’s. They are a proud and majestic people. I also learned that you can make Hobo Rat Gravy by stuffing a rat into a milk jug, adding equal parts grain alcohol and windshield wiper fluid and fast-aging it near a burning trash can. After a few hours you just add coffee grounds to taste and serve over… well, everything.

You may notice that this comic is going live severely after Thanksgiving. Go ahead. Notice it. I won’t punish you. That’s because I chose to spend the thankful times with those which I am most thankful for: my wife and daughter. Now that we’ve all had enough of each other I can return to those which I am second most thankful for: you guys. You magnificent Fancy Bastards. You may be second in my heart but you will always be first in my something something.